An unexpected update. My son apologized for “their” behavior last night on IM. He didn’t, however, say that they were wrong…just “I’m sorry for all that fuss and we’re over it now”.
I’m still compelled to talk to his fiance so that this won’t happen again. I told her I’d call her at the end of the week to talk. Perhaps she can squirm for a couple of days.
Oh, and exactly where would a girl get green hair dye anyway? 
Theatrical and costume shops. I’m sure you could find it on the internet.
heeheehee
Wear a red dress.
Have your mother son dance be a tango.
Do a karaoke version of Paradise by the Dashboard Lights at the reception.
You don’t even need to go so far as theatrical supply or costume shop. Your basic strip mall Sally Beauty can fix you right up with green, purple, turquoise, magenta… OOOH! What a great combination! Go for all of them!
This evening, a couple was telling me about their son’s wedding last weekend, and I said, “So, I understand the groom’s mother’s role is to wear beige and be quiet.” (Thank you, Sam Lowry!) And interestingly, she told me that when she met the bride’s mother for the first time (which was after the engagement), the bride’s mom said, “I understand it is my role to tell you what color to wear to the wedding. So I will. Pick whatever you like.” I guess that’s what happens when adults get to make the decisions!
You go, Ruby!
The first time I saw my husband’s mother’s outfit, was the day of the wedding. She wore turquoise and green, and looked beautiful.
Bridezilla needs to suck it up - the only times she gets to complain about your oufit are:
You have done neither (the outfit sounds lovely) and whether or not she loves it or not is irrelevant. You like it, and as it’s your son that’s getting married, you deserve to have an enjoyable day in an outfit which makes you feel special.
Tell her (as politely or rudely as you want) to go to hell.
I was going to offer my sympathy on your stepson’s lack of testicles, but it sounds as though his bride to be has enough for both of them.
May be hard to get grandchildren out of the marriage with that anatomy…
Ruby:
The best marriages are the ones in which the husband knows not to argue with a woman in an overwrought emotional state, which a Bridezilla would certainly appear to be.
Rule # 1 is: humor, let calm down, then present counter-arguments, if necessary. Any couple that hasn’t mastered that art…they’re the ones likely to not have a long-lasting marriage.
P. S. - I do feel for you, and I do have total sympathy for your position here…I’m just saying that the “wuss” act does not necessarily, in fact does not likely, portend ill for the marriage overall.
Ugh, what a snotty little kid.
God bless your son for having the patience to marry the likes of her. Hopefully his influence will calm her down a bit.
As far as all this goes, your responsibility to the bride is: don’t wear cutoff shorts. Dress yourself in something YOU LIKE which is appropriately formal. The pantsuit you haev described sounds lovely.
I’m flabbergasted by the number of threads recently that have come up asking “how far backwards must I bend for this bride?”
You’ve already been FAR more accommodating than necessary.
Maybe that’s the difference between getting married at 22 and getting married at 35 - I didn’t get or ask for a whole lot of special dispensations because I was getting married (when we went to pick up the wedding cake on the morning of our wedding day, and there was a big yellow umbrella iced on it, my husband knew at that point not to cross me, but up until then…
) You do make a good point, though - nobody knows how they act together when they’re alone. He might call her on every thing she does, just not in front of other people.
I add my voice to those saying establish some boundaries with daughter-in-law-to-be, Ruby. Common courtesy doesn’t go out the window just because there is going to be a wedding. Remember the rules of assertiveness vs. aggressiveness - assertiveness is not letting people step on your toes; aggressiveness is stepping on other people’s toes. If you defend yourself assertively, nobody can have a valid complaint about it.
Be comforted in the fact that people who act like this tend to have no fun at all on their wedding day. She’s going to be so caught up in who’s wearing what color, why the food came out 30 seconds late, and panicking over why the red roses she ordered are actually scarlet that she won’t have time to say anything about your outfit (which sounds quite lovely, btw).
If you’ve found an outfit you love, by all means keep it! My mother and MIL both had a hell of a time finding appropriate outfits that were also flattering. The vast majority of mother dresses sold in bridal shops look more like grandmother dresses.
You were polite, you asked the bride what she thought - she said she didn’t care. She probably said that so she’d look like the good bride, hoping you’d find an outfit she approved of (there probably isn’t any outfit she’d approve of, anyway). That didn’t happen, so out comes Bridezilla.
Go read etiquittehell.com if you want to see people who make your future daughter-in-law look like an angel.
When I got married, my mother wore a purple pantsuit and my mother-in-law wore a pastel pantsuit. They were both lovely. For the record, I would like to point out that I had to refer to the wedding pictures to determine what they were wearing. Be damned if I can remember (and the wedding was less than a year ago).
When I was asked what I wanted my mother-in-law to wear I think I gave her an exceptionally blank look and said “pants?”.
The daughter-in-law-to-be is being well beyond unreasonable.
No. Or at least, not neccessarily. I’ve known plenty of 22ish brides who managed to have nice weddings within reasonable budgets without resorting to Bridezilla theatrics. Being used to paying your own way–rather than having Mom and Dad pay for everything, and used to making decisions, and probably having a good idea of how much money you were willing to pay for your wedding, undoubtably affected your attitude and behavior, but I don’t think that one should assume that age alone was the deciding factor.
No matter how tempting it is when one hears about bratty 22 year old Bridezillas, and well behaved, on budget, 30 something Brides.
No, black. With a hat with a black veil.
Green hair and a spiked dog-collar would go well with that, too, don’t you think? It would be better than green hair and a red dress, at least (ugh!).
You know, I’ll bet that most bridezillas don’t have a clue they have turned into a bridezilla. This is a perfect opportunity to let her know how far she has descended. Calmly and politely point out to her that while you respect her wanting to have a wonderful day, she is quickly crossing the line into psychotic and she might want to reconsider just how important some of these details really are. She might wake up. She might not. But from that point forward I’d do as others have suggested, smile and shutup.
Is there any chance you could have an alternate outfit… sequined, royal purple with strobing pink LEDs around the collar (thing Grand Olde Opry outfits) – that you could wear earlier in the day in a setting where she would see you. Then change to what you had planned before the actual wedding.
Petty is as petty does
When a cousin of a friend of mine got married, his mother actually did wear a black dress. It wasn’t a fashion choice – she genuinely disapproved of the bride that strongly.
Ruby, when I told that friend about this thread, he said suggested jokingly that you could offer to wear black.
My mother-in-law was so concerned about what I would think she badgered me for weeks about what my mother would be wearing. Once my mother settled on purple, Lucie actually sent me fabric samples of her choice to make sure it would be okay.
I thought it was cute.
She looked lovely, as did my mother.
Much to my shame, I didn’t notice until three years later (while looking at pictures of the day) that my sisters-in-law also coordinated. Ah, obliviousness.
I’ll likely be 22 or 23 when we get married, if my boyfriend ever gets around to asking me formally. I would be more than happy is his mother does nothing by wear beige and be quiet. That sounds perfect, in fact … She makes such a fuss over everything. He and I are lowkey people. I don’t want theatrics at my wedding and I have no plans on tolerating them from others. Wear your pantsuit and ignore her. Any way you can trade places with my future mother-in-law ?
Yeah, that makes sense. I would hazard a guess that more 30-something brides are used to using the life skills you’ve mentioned than 20-something brides, but I agree that it is a function of the bride’s attitude and experience, rather than simply age.
I love the idea of wearing head-to-toe black! That’d learn her! (Then change before the pictures, so you can look good in the pictures.) Or maybe formal shorts that are realllly short. You can go to Go Fug Yourself for some really good fashion choices - hey, I know! Pick something out from that site that is somewhat related to what your dil wants you to wear and email it to your dil, indicating that this is what you’ll wear since she’s insisting on it. Hee.