Bridezilla vs. SharkFin

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m insulted, disrespected, and pissed off.

My future daughter-in-law (age 22) is planning their fairly large wedding for the end of September. Several months ago, I asked her if she had any preference for what I wore…color? pantsuit? what her mother was wearing? etc. At that time she told me that she had no preferences and whatever I chose would be ok.

Well I just found out that what I chose is not ok with her royal highness.

A bit of the backstory…

Bridezilla is an only child and very spoiled. Whomever my stepson (age 24) chooses to marry is his affair so we’ve accepted her for what/who she is.

Her first step over the line of good taste was when she said, “So, is THAT the color your hair will be for the wedding?” I just blew it off thinking she was just a little overzealous.

About a month ago, Bridezilla sent me an email with a picture of the dress that she had picked out for me. First, I had already told her that I would not likely wear a gown but rather a formal pantsuit and again she expressed no objections. Second, it was very presumptious to choose my dress. Third, she insisted on going to the bridal shop with me (4 hours away no less) to try it on. Again, I just blew it off thinking she was just a little nutzy right now with the wedding planning.

Now she’s crossed the line. On her insistence, my son came home this weekend to take a picture of the outfit with his phone and send it to her. Her response was, “I hate the color.” I told my son when he arrived that I wasn’t happy with them for pushing the issue so he knew it was already a hot button for me. When she said she “hated the color”, he called had the nerve to call me and tell me. Especially when she had the nerve to tell me a few months ago that she had NO preferences about what I’m wearing. I’m the mother of the groom for cryin out loud. I’m not one of her bridesmaids that she can direct down to the color of their toenail polish.

The outfit is about as milk-toast as you can get. It’s a beige formal pantsuit with a satin jacket that ties in the front. Hard to explain in text but a very tasteful, sophisticated outfit.

It’s been a few years since I’ve planned a wedding. What’s protocol these days when it comes to the mother of the bride/groom? Do I let it drop? Do I talk to her one on one? My logical mind tells me that it would be in my best interest long term to “make nice” but I’m not too motivated right now. What say you?

2

Afraid I have nothing to help with your problem…though I do think Bridezilla needs a reality check.

However, this further illustrates the joys of being male. Weddings plan themselves. We are considered to be doing fine if we show up reasonably sober, and wearing a suit/tux depending on time of day, etc. Sometimes we may even be forgiven for a discreet earphone tuned in to whichever sporting event we’d rather be watching.

3

My brother had his wedding a few months ago, and I remember in the time preceding it, several people told my mom that her duties as the groom’s mother were to 1) wear beige at the wedding and 2) be quiet. I would say that you are totally in the right and the bride is being a bridezilla. I don’t have any advice though for how you can resolve it, so good luck.

4

My brother had his wedding a few months ago, and I remember in the time preceding it, several people told my mom that her duties as the groom’s mother were to 1) wear beige at the wedding and 2) be quiet. I would say that you are totally in the right and the bride is being a bridezilla. I don’t have any advice though for how you can resolve it, so good luck.

5

My usual theory with bridezillas in general is to give them whatever they want, 'cause it’s only for one day - and possibly the most important day of her life.

Of course, I see the faults in this theory.

My best advice would be to sit down with her over coffee, tell her you’ll wear the whatever-she-wants because you do want her day to be lovelywonderfulperfect. Also tell her that you don’t particularly agree with the way she’s treating you; since you’re going to be family, she should absolutely know that she has to treat you like a family member and not a barbie doll.

6

Put your foot down. Be calm, polite, but firm. That this is her wedding day is not an excuse for her rudeness. The bride does not get to tell anyone outside the wedding party what to wear.

My bigger concern is that if you say nothing about her rudeness, she will continue to think she can treat you this way in the future. All the bridezillas I have known were naturally rude, pushy, disrespectful people and continued to be that way after the wedding as well. I don’t think weddings make people rude–I think they give rude people an excuse to act out. I’ve never seen an otherwise sweet-tempered, Type B person turn into a bridezilla.

I strongly suspect she’ll keep on finding excuses to be rude after the wedding is over, so I’d establish yourself as being polite but not a pushover now.

Best of luck!

7

Honestly, I would ignore her - and your stepson if he is relaying hurtful/rude messages.

Just politely smile and say “I’m sorry you feel that way”. Repeat as necessary.

I think it’s the best way to defuse (did I pick the right word?) this and all future situations.

8

You asked her opinion, which was very nice of you. She said she didn’t have one, so you bought an outfit. Now she has an opinion?

I’d dye my hair purple and wear green, just to annoy her.

Wear the outfit you bought unless they offer to buy the outfit they want you to wear.

The more wedding stories I read, the more glad I am that we eloped.

9

The protocol for mother’s attire at weddings has not changed. Standard etiquette is that the mother’s ought to be dressed in the same degree of formality. Your formal pantsuit is fine with her mother’s gown, assuming it is the type of thing you would wear in lieu of a cocktail dress (which is how it sounds). As for color, traditionally the bride’s mother has ‘first choice.’ She is supposed to choose her dress and let the other mother[s] know as soon as possible so that she (or they, if there are stepmothers in the picture) can choose something that doesn’t match exactly or clash with either the bridesmaids or the bride’s mother. You can see why neutrals such as champagne ond beige are so popular for mothers at weddings.

The bride does not, and never has, had final say on what her mother or future mother-in-law will wear. Neither does she (or should she) have veto power. You are a grown person and are (or ought to be) presumed to be able to dress yourself. The fact that you chose correctly (according to etiquette) by picking a neutral colored outfit of appropriate formality shows that you can dress yorself. It’s just adding insult to injury that you asked her what you should wear, and she told you to wear whatever you want. She is being a Bridezilla-sized pain in the butt.

If I were you, I’d just ignore her as cheerfully as possible. If she (or your step-son) tell you that she 'hates the color," smile politely and say, “Really? It’s one of my favorite colors – it’s flattering on me and so neutral… Funny, isn’t it, how tastes differ?” If she (or you step-son) attempt to tell you that you need to pick something else, smile politely and say, “Gosh, I’m afraid that won’t be possible. When I asked what I should wear, you told me that anythign I picked would be fine. So I picked this. I like it and it’s perfectly appropriate. i don’t have the time or inclination to be shopping around for something else. i’m sorry you don’t like it, but I do, and I’m the one who will be wearing it.”

10

BTW, I can’t believe she asked you about your haircolor! Big time Bridezilla alert!

11

These people amaze me. I’m always entertained, yet astonished at the antics of the Bridezillas on the TV show.

It just floors me. And they all say the same thing “I want and deserve to have MY day be perfect, and I’ll do and say whatever it takes to get that”.

To me, if “having my day be perfect” involved behaving in such snotty and hateful behaviour as these young women, that right there would negate any “perfection” the wedding day might hold.

If I had to be snotty and snap my fingers, yell, scream, scold, have crying jags, criticize everyong and anyone around that would completely ruin my feelings about that day.

I would just have bad memories of it being a time when I couldn’t control myself and act like a normal human being.

Jeez, that said, I agree with the others, say “thank you for your concern, I’m sorry you feel that way” repeat and rinse, and do what you already have planned.

12

According to my mother, exactly what Sam Lowry says - wear beige, and keep your mouth shut.

You got the first part covered.

The best response to this is “Don’t worry about it.” Smile thru gritted teeth if you need to, and repeat as necessary.

“But I hate that color!”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“But it’s my special day!”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Can’t you wear something else?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Etc.

Good luck. Hopefully, you can establish some kind of neutral relationship from this - after you draw some boundaries.

Regards,
Shodan

13

I am the Queen of Fashion Objections, and I think your outfit sounds perfectly lovely and unobjectionable.
(What color is your hair, by the way?)

14

I would very politely but firmly say, “I’m sorry, but remember, I DID ask you early on if you had any ideas, and you said no, you had no preferences, that whatever I wanted to wear would be fine. Perhaps you should have spoken up then, if you felt so strongly about this. So you have no room to start making demands now.”

15

I’m with Guinastasia and Q. N. Jones
Put your foot down firmly but politely. When all else fails, you might try saying
Sucks to be you to all of her objections. You can alternate that with
Deal with it

But I hate the color
Sucks to be you

But I don’t like your hair color
Deal with it

Lather rinse repeat

16

I love you all. Thanks for the sanity check. My husband and girlfriend are both ready to take her off at the knees but I think the more sound reasoning will be to be kind, firm, and let her know in no uncertain terms that her behavior is not acceptable.

She acutally watched that Bridezilla show when they first got engaged last year and had the nerve to say that she’d never be like that… Oh how times have changed.

Fortunately, they had the good sense to not call me back today to discuss it because I’m still extremely pissed. A few more days to cool off and I’ll be nice and as subtle as a brick because I think that’s what it’s gonna take to get her attention.

I’m just grateful that I’m not the one marrying her.

Oh, and Eve, my hair is naturally brunette. I colored it an auburn that had a little more red in it than I usually like but it was still very pretty.

17

All right! Do it auburn again for the wedding – but kick it up another notch into the red. Not glaringly so, but definitely redder than usual, or than the color she bitched about.

Bonus points if you can mange to attract compliments on it within earshot of Bridezilla. :smiley:

18

Why in god’s name would she care about what you wear to the wedding?? :confused: I certainly would not care what my mother-in-law wore…

Bottom line: you can wear whatever the hell you please. You never had to ask her what you should wear and she has no right criticizing your choice of outfit.

Congrats on your son’s choice of wife :rolleyes: Good luck!

19

Yeah, I’m not sure how I raised a son with no testicles. He would rather chew off his right arm than have a confrontation with her. I can’t wait to see how long this marriage will last. <sigh>

20

This is a bit of a hijack, but I think it’s especially telling when Bridezillas become fixated on wanting all the bridesmaids to look exactly alike. Matching gowns I can understand, because you want it to look like you put some time and effort into coordinating the wedding party. And if one dress looks nice, five of them look even nicer (assuming a reasonable definition of “nice”). But insisting on identical hairstyles, shoes, nail color, or going beyond even that and choosing 'maids based on height, weight and coloring? With no variation in appearance, they’re depersonalized and robbed of individuality. That reduces them to accessories on the level of the centerpieces and floral arrangements. Speaks volumes about the bride, IMO.