Calm down a little. You wrote this: “She said yes, I got her cell #. Done deal.”
But now you write this: “Thanks, but it looks like it won’t matter at this point. Left a message, and no call back yet. Oh well…”
Just because she’s not home or not taking calls tonight doesn’t mean she’s forgotten your Saturday date. You made a date for Saturday night, not for a Wednesday night phone call. Chill out, you’ve got two more days to get in touch with her.
Now, the point about dinner hasn’t been emphasized enough. If you want things to get off to a good start, you must both have a clear understanding about whether dinner is involved or not. As pointed out above, you don’t want one of you hungry and the other one full. Bad karma!
You asked her to a movie. Take her to a movie unless it becomes obvious, by mutual discussion, after you meet her Saturday that you would both prefer to do something else.
And another piece of advice: If you are planning to call at a certain time, make sure it’s a random time. Don’t call her at 9 PM, it looks like you were planning it. Call at 9:13 or 8:47.
You’re in Seattle! There’s a ton of good movies playing there! Hell, go see an IMax production. Go see Finding Neverland, Phantom of the Opera, The Incredibles, Sideways, or House of Flying Daggers–surely there’s something to like in one of those flicks, no matter what your tastes.
I’d see the meat of the conversation going like, “So…I’m looking at the movie listings. Got any interest in Sideways? Nah, me neither. What about House of Flying Daggers? Yeah? Cool! It’s showing at 8:00 at the AMC; that sound good? Excellent. Hey, you want to get some dinner first? Maybe we could meet down at Pike Place and go grab some food; there’s a Thai restaurant nearby I’ve been wanting to try.”
etc. In other words, do enough work that, if she’s so inclined, she can be entertained for the evening; be flexible enough that, if she’s so inclined, she can be part of the planning as well.
I hate to say it, but one of my early dating mistakes was the bad guess about whether to pay for my date. The best advice I’ve heard along those lines was to try to pick up the dinner check; if she objects, offer to let her get the movie tickets. If she still objects, let her pay for her freakin’ dinner and be happy about it. (FTR, I used to be convinced that no feminist guy would insult a woman by offering to pay for her dinner; it took me awhile to chill the hell out about it.)
Well, she called back and left a message. Apparently she’s busy this weekend because of some dance thing, but “perhaps next weekend”, which she then followed up with “anyway, give me a call sometime. Bye.”
So, what does this sound like to you? A good sign? Is she just going to blow me off next weekend? Anyone have any similar experiences?
Looks like I may have been right from the beginning.
However, while I don’t pretend to have much knowledge about these matters, I do find it odd that she mentioned next weekend as a possibility, then invited me to call her. Couldn’t she have just said “I’m busy this weekend, sorry about that. Bye.”
Maybe I’m grasping at straws, I’ll be damned if I know.
It’s kinda hard to say this is a good thing, but yeah, it is a little odd that she suggested you call her next weekend. I’d go ahead and give her a call–I’m an optimist–but I’d expect her to busy that weekend too–I’m not a fool.
I have to go with “brush off” here. She’s had second thoughts and is letting you down easy. If she had still wanted to go out, she would have called you to reschedule as soon as she knew there was a conflict.
Just to give her the benefit of the doubt, I would bring it up casually and if her Magic 8 Ball says “Ask Again Later”, I’d start looking for a different pool partner.
Sorry.
It’s a brush off. She’s not that into you (if she was, she would invite you to the “dance thing”). Let her call back.
If she does, invite her to a movie and then cancel 30 minutes before. Be nice but firm. (Fuck movies…what are you going to do, sit in silence for two hours? Better off renting a movie with a bottle of something and get drunk).
You’re in Seattle? Go to Pioneer Square, get drunk and find some 20 something girl to make out with.
Drop by your girls place at about two am. See what happens.
“FTR, I used to be convinced that no feminist guy would insult a woman by offering to pay for her dinner; it took me awhile to chill the hell out about it.)”
Yeah…because women are so turned on by guys who are a) cheap or b) feminist. I say, if you aren’t going to pay, don’t pay all the way and run out on the check like a man.
It’s a brush-off. If she really wanted to go out with you but just couldn’t go Saturday, there would have been lengthy explanations, apologies, and a definite day set for “next time.” She would have told you to call her as soon as possible, not “some time”.
Sorry. Don’t be discouraged. Now that you’ve broken the ice, you’ll find that there are many fish swimming under there.
Doesn’t sound good but if you really like her I’d take her at her word and call her again…say Tuesday. When I called I’d try to set a definate date/time…but not make it sound so much like a date. Good luck.
Best advice given, IMO. I’d leave a message like that, too. Like, “gimme a call sometime cause I’m not sure you’re that into me, so I don’t want to appear too anxious and I didn’t wanna leave a too long goofy message on your VM.”
Seriously. Call her again sometime in the (near) future and try again. What do you have to lose? I mean, really?
With sad typing fingers, I’m going to have to vote for brush off. It seems like quite a few threads have come up lately where the person(s) being blown off focus on the details when, IMO, the big picture is pretty clear.
In this case, she probably felt badly about the brush off and tossed in the maybe next weekend, etc., more for her benefit than yours. Otherwise, the message would have been something like “No, I can’t this weekend or ever and I’m really not interested.” People with a lot of dating under their belt struggle with being that direct, so, to me, it’s understandable (though not preferable) that she’d throw in some buffers. When I was that age, I thought being that direct would have been mean and saying something like she did would get the message across just fine.
For the most part, I agree. I can even get past the “perhaps next weekend” part as being merely a sign of formality. However, the lines that really threw me for a loop was “anyway, give me a call sometime.” I just find that line really friggen odd. I mean, if she was brushing me off (which she may very well have been), why would she even mention this? The last thing she’d want me doing is calling to set up another date, right?
