I usually follow this pattern:
When you take this action I feel this emotion.
Example:
When you argue with each other in my presence, I feel really annoyed.
That doesn’t blame them for your feelings, but it does let them know that their behavior is not welcome.
This is not cool. Angela’s boyfriend might have to grovel at her feet, but you sure as hell don’t have to for every imagined slight, and your boyfriend was out of line asking you to.
I think the only real solution is to break up with Joe and Angela. Yeah, you want to do couple things, but if you’re going to have to choke a bitch at some point, I guess you have to decide if it’s worth it or not. If socializing as couples is worth putting up with Angela, then you just put up with her (after you try to tell her, assertively, not aggressively, that she’s bugging you and it doesn’t help at all, which it probably won’t). If it isn’t, you find other things to do.
Snort - they’ve been together for years and are totally getting married. (Favorite quote:
Me: So have you set a date yet?
Joe: Well, not really…
Angela: May 2008.)
I hate to quote Dr. Phil, but you know what? Joe wouldn’t do it if he weren’t getting something out of it. He’s a grown man and he doesn’t have to put up with this crap, but he does. Also, we can’t divorce Joe and Angela because then my boyfriend would have to give up the cheap office space. 
Did I mention the guys can’t afford to air condition their huge drafty mill house, so they’ve been sweating their balls off in the summers? And Angela chose to move in knowing this. 24-7 whining about the heat.
I’d say, okay, the policy is we don’t play games with Angela - but for one thing, she does it with everything (“This restaurant is too expensive.” “There isn’t anything on this menu I like. I don’t understand this weird food.” “Nobody ever wants to watch my movies.”) You can’t get away from her because she always wants to come and do whatever - she’s a total drama queen/attention hog and anything you’re not doing with her you’ll hear about later. So far the only thing we’ve found that she doesn’t tag along with is golf. Please God don’t let her take up golf!!!
Arrrgh. I feel kinda better venting. I’ll try the Miss Manners approach when they fight, but honestly there’s no way to say “Then you don’t have to play” that doesn’t end up in more misery for everybody. Yeah, I know, playing into her hands, but shit guys, when Angela isn’t happy ain’t nobody happy.
Oh, she might be tagging along for tennis. I’d say this is awful, but it will probably improve my tennis game. “Jooooooooeeeeee!!!” WHOMP!
You know, it doesn’t ever seem like Angela is happy. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to put up with that kind of crap for any reason.
For Joe to be marrying her, she either must have a LOT of money and he’s shallow or she’s got a hoover for a mouth and a vagina made of pure gold… or something. Is there any way to talk to Joe about it and just say that her behavior frequently makes you uncomfortable to the point where it’s unpleasant to have to socialize with the two of them? It may not necessarily be your place, but nobody else is doing anything about it, and Angela just gets in a snit whenever anyone breathes funny, let alone calling her on her crap.
I dealt with a situation like that years ago. It was my husbands best friends girlfriend. I ended up getting her a job for the company I worked for before I found out what a psycho she was. I no longer work there and we weaned ourselves away from them.
My husband pretty much considered it well inside the realm of “stupid chick shit.” and figured the problem was probably both of us.
Fast forward a few years.
Husband gets a job at my old company. His best friend works there tool. A mutual friend moved in from out of state and he and his wife are staying with the BFF and the psycho chick.
Now my husband says that according to this guy, she is a psycho chick, mean as the day is long and pure evil. So I’m vindicated.
Angela sounds like a miserable human being. I’ve never understood how girls like that always seem to have a guy around. I’d never tolerate that shit. Can you tell Joe there are girls out there that are nicer than your average tasmanian devil. He doesn’t have to live that way. And neither do you.
My father’s method for dealing with people like Angela is to wait until they finish their current whine and then ask “and is there anything else you’re unhappy about”. He repeats it until they get the message, and they generally do.
Perhaps.
If they’re lucky, it’ll self-destruct BEFORE they’re married!
I’ve seen both women and men who were more self-centered than this manage to convince their SO walk down the aisle.
Well, there’s your problem, right there. If she gets every single little unreasonable thing she wants by acting like a grade-A asshole, what does she stand to gain by not being an asshole? Not a damn thing, that’s what. And let’s just be honest, here–people like her never change unless they stand to gain something by it.
Oh, entirely! And we all know that we’re basically giving the two year old with a tantrum a lollypop, and we know why we’re doing it, too - for precisely the same reason you might give the lollypop. But then again, she ain’t my kid and it’s not like you can beat the neighbor’s toddlers.
Making sure I understand this - your boyfriend works with Joe (or at least shares office space with him), and lives with Joe, and will soon live with Angela and Joe. As a separate thing, you and your boyfriend also socialize with Joe and Angela as couples. I’m still not seeing why you and your boyfriend have to socialize with Joe and Angela even if Joe is an office and housemate for your boyfriend. You all aren’t glued together or anything, you know.
And don’t be afraid to be all kinds of assertive with Angela (and Joe) when she crosses your boundaries. You’re not happy now, Angela wouldn’t be happy no matter what, so what do you have to lose?
My boyfriend spends most of his time at my house but rents a room and an office (which he does use) in the same house as Joe and two other guys. Angela is moving in at the end of the summer.
I mean, just extricating me doesn’t really help poor “Mike” and, uh, “Brian” and “Some Other Name”.
Well, we’re not worried about Mike, Brian, and Some Other Name (I’ll just call him Sonny, if that’s okay 
). We’re worried about YOU getting away from someone who is driving you crazy. They can start their own threads.