Can you trust your girlfriend's guyfriends?

In My Humble Opinion
41

raver,

I’ve had male friends most of my life. I have not slept with any of them, nor do I plan to, and I am sure they have no plans to try and get me to. I also happen to know that I am far from alone among women who have wonderful male friends that they wouldn’t ever sleep with, because it just isn’t meant to be. Just because you might like a man certainly doesn’t mean that you are meant to be in an intimate relationship with him.

My husband trusts me absolutely, and I trust him, which is a pretty damn good thing considering he spent the first 7 years of our marriage in the Navy and we were physically separated from each other for about half that time. Either one of us could have cheated, big time, and no one would have found out, but there was nothing anyone else could offer either of us that would have made it worth it.

I think your real issue here is making sure that you are going out with someone who finds monogamy in the relationship as important as you do. If you are going out with someone who does, then the sexes of her friends (and yours too) aren’t going to matter.

The hardest part of any relationship is finding someone who is a match for you in what you want out of life. The only way I know to do it is by talking to the people you go out with about the big issues, and (if the relationship continues on) by spending time with them both alone and with their friends and families to see where they are coming from in their values and beliefs. Lots of people fall in love first and then when they find out that their beloved feels very differently about something that’s really important to them, they try to rationalize it or force it to work because it will hurt to break up. Then they’re unhappy, and that hurts too.

42

All right, so how many of you girls have gone and played hide the sausage with your guy friends prior to meeting your current S/O? Hummmmm?

43

I think that if one doesn’t trust their g/f with her guy friends they probably shouldn’t be going out in the first place (much less getting married). However, I’m of the mindset that if a g/f of mine wants to fool around with another guy that it’s her business not mine. I don’t feel as though I own her or that she is only allowed to make out with me, but then I don’t understand the point of exclusive dating anyway (emotionally, yes I understand why we do it, and from an emotional perspective I have felt slightly uncomfortable when this happens, but from a purely logical perspective I can’t justify exclusivity so I don’t even try to. And yes, this is my actual belief not a justification or something like that, any girl I “date” is free to do whatever the hell she wants as long as she doesn’t give me an STD or something like that), it’s not like we’re married.

44

Well, this isn’t really an issue for me, since most of my girlfriend’s male friends are gay. But I’m a pretty trusting person. Until she gives me a reason not to trust her, then I will. And I’m usually pretty good at reading people, too.

45

Okay, I’ll bite.

I slept with a guy friend of mine when my relationship with my SO started to fall to pieces. Was it right? No. I should’ve broken it off with me SO first. Other than that… no regrets. Who better to be there for you physically than someone you know and trust? I’d much rather it’ve been him than some potential date rapist at a club somewhere.

But thats one guy friend out of what… 15, maybe? The others of which Ive never been in any remotely intimate situations with.

So do girls sleep with their guy friends behind your back? Sometimes. And sometimes they sleep with random strangers and sometimes they sleep with YOUR friends and sometimes they sleep with your sister. If you dont trust that the other end of the relationship is in the relationship for the same reasons you are… Then its not the kind of relationship you need anyhow.

I, on the other hand, am a bit more forgiving. I realize its impossible to trust ANYONE 100%. But you can trust their intentions. If I commit to someone, I trust their intentions all the way. I also understand that humans aren’t failsafe and sometimes we do things we later regret. Anyone as self-righteous to assume that just because they’re dating someone, theres no chance in the world that something unfortunate could happen is arrogant, if not just completely naive.

46

Obviously. That’s why they call the “generalizations”.

If your an attractive girl, there is a pretty good chance your guy “friends” actually want to have sex with you. They may respect your relationship with your SO, they may be a little shy, or they may be afraid your brother in the Marines may kick their ass. But unless they’re gay, odds are they wouldn’t mind gettin it on. (And don’t ask them if I’m right. Unless they are total morons, they won’t say “yes I want to bang you”.)

If you are a unattractive or average looking, your guy friends probably find you funny or cool because you like doing what they do. They also want to have sex with you.

47

I have always trusted my wives to go out with male friends.

The first wife violated that trust and is now my EX.

The second wife has not violated that trust although she has had offers.

My current wife is an actress. She sometimes has to kiss other guys on stage [sub]why can’t she be cast as a lesbian[/sub] and change clothes in cramped dressing rooms. I’m cool with that but the reaction of her fellow actors has been interesting. One was very shy about it and almost couldn’t kiss her. (I was offended) One of them developed a crush on my wife and it was pretty tense for a bit. For a short time my wife tried to hide it from me but she felt terriable and guilty. Why, I don’t know she really didn’t do anything but her job and I did want to commit a felony afterwards. Of course there are cast parties after plays and such where she goes and drinks with men while I’m not there.

And I trust her. She wouldn’t do anything. If anything did happen it would be non-consenual. I don’t even know the guy friends so I can’t decide if I can trust them.

48

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by msmith537 *
**

I acquired my guy friends because, what do you know? Most of my girl friends turned out to be catty, back-stabbing, crazy-ass bitches.

So, to trust your girl with her friends or not…Let me tell you a little story about my guy friend.

This person, whom we shall refer to as “Drama Queen” decided years ago that him and I were “soulmates,” and he basically became friends with me based on this train of thought, despite the fact that I had a boyfriend. I always knew he “was in love” with me (his words, NOT mine), but what did I care? I HAD a boyfriend.

But, of course, things change, and I no longer had a boyfriend anymore. (Note: I did NOT cheat on him.) And my “friend” saw this as the perfect opportunity to, ahem, get in my pants. (And good Lord was he laying it on thick: flowers, gifts, he wrote me a song? It was a terribly bad song, but a song nonetheless.) When I told him this was not the next step I wanted our relationship to take, he got all pissed off and started dating a girl I used to be friends with just to “get back” at me. (A word to the wise: this did not work, it just made him look like the asshole he was.)

So after the summer, (and much heartache, because for Christ sake, she was a nutcase) they went their separate ways, and all of a sudden, here comes DQ, proclaiming that I “was right all along!!” and he “should’ve listened” to me about her!! (No shit.)

So I figured he’s got his obsession with me all out of his system since he got to date one of my friends, right? HAHAHAHAHAHA. Because when I brought one of my friends with me to visit him at college, he completely macked on her and they wound up in the same bed that night. She has a boyfriend, and she’s never said a thing about it to him.

The moral, fellas? I don’t suppose I have one. Some guys suck. Some girls suck. My friend is obviously unbalanced and I should probably be checking into a restraining order. I don’t know why I trust him, to be honest.

(Especially since he once tried to throw me from a moving vehicle.)

49

In my experience, my guy friends are ‘friends’ because they respect my boundaries of propriety. They simply know that’s not on.

I have been with my SO for 16 yrs, we both work high profile jobs with lots of opportunity, but we’re not into that and trust each other completely.

All of that said, it was one of his guy ‘friends’ who pursued me relentlessly and shamefully. I shut him down, but this man was a close friend, SO and I had been together for years at that point and he just wouldn’t take no for an answer. He was coming in from out of town and coming to my place of work, I was shocked by it all and assure you I did nothing to encourage or initiate any of it. He had simply decided I was what he wanted and was prepared for having to win me away from my SO! To say I was taken aback is a huge understatement. While it’s hard not to be flattered initially, it only takes a moment to see it as an act of complete betrayal of my SO by his good friend. I can’t imagine why he thought I would see it as anything else.

I’m just saying it’s your spouse you have to trust. Period.

And don’t be so sure you can predict where the threat might come from. You could be surprised.

50

I can tell you, for a fact, that is false.

By the way msmith537, anyone who is so misogynistic has his own problems. Serious ones.

On the topic, I don’t trusy my boyfriend’s girl friends at all (There have been threads on it). Good thing I trust him completely, and don’t even worry when he sleeps over ath their houses.