I remember reading a thread about outgoing answering machine messages but couldn’t find it when I did a search. Can someone find this thread for me please!! I’d like to put a new outgoing message on my machine but can’t come up with anything funny.
The one I have now is boring… I can’t come to the phone right now, leave your name… blah, blah, blah. Anyone have a good message I could put on my machine??
That John Denver’s full of shit man!
I had this as an OGM for a while.
You have reached the Society for the Molecularly Disadvantaged. Our office is closed right now. If you have experienced loss of covalent integrity, please call our emergency hotline. Otherwise, leave your name, number and a brief message and we’ll get back with you just as soon as we can.
Now in my second month of exile in the 21 pit
Hi. You’ve reached Brooke’s refigerator. Unfortunately, the answering machines decided to strike and I [starts to get angry] HAVE TO PICK UP THE SLACK. ::sigh:: leave your name and number and I’ll stick it to myself with a magnet for Brooke.
Seriously. That’s my machine. I’ve had reactions ranging from people giggling at the beginning of their message, to “Nice Message”, to my sister’s reaction: “A cute OGM? Good God, woman, aren’t you better than that?” I chose to ignore her.
A little persistance goes a long way. Announcing:
“I go on guilt trips a couple of time a year. Mom books them for me.” A custom made Wally .sig!
Always remember when recording an outgoing message: it’s funny the FIRST TIME. By the third or fourth time, it’s significantly less funny, and after that it’s eye-rollingly annoying. So if you’re going in for hilarious, original phone messages, be sure to change them frequently!
Adding to the wisdom of Eve: Make 'em short. Brevity is the soul of OGM. Do NOT let your three year old record it. It’s not cute. It’s hard to understand and annoying. I like to know that I reached the right machine when I’m leaving a message, so be sure to include at least your first name in the message somewhere.
A little persistance goes a long way. Announcing:
“I go on guilt trips a couple of time a year. Mom books them for me.” A custom made Wally .sig!
A friend of mine has an OGM that says:
“This is Terry, I can’t believe you’re calling at this time of day. Just leave me a message and I’ll call you back.”
I think that’s pretty clever and not too annoying. People have seemed to get a kick out of it. I just want an original OGM instead of my plain old boring one.
Can anyone find the thread on this? I’m still searching but am having no luck!
That John Denver’s full of shit man!
When i had an answering machine, I regularly made up new messages, most of which were seriously lame.
Here’s one I did in almost-accurate voices:
Picard: Open all hailing frequencies.
Worf: Aye Captain.
Picard: This is the Starship Enterprise. Please indicate your intention.
Worf: There is an incoming message, Captain.
Picard: Thank you, Mr Worf. Onscreen.
“Barney’s Beanery…Barney speaking.”
I have a built in one…courtesy of Mr. Duhnym. You see, our last name is Doll.
You’ve reached the Dollhouse!
My kids brighten up our home. They never turn the lights off. -A Wallyism
I had an interesting one for a while. Occasionally I would get a message where someone thought they had the doctor’s office. I don’t know why, I had a basic message “I’m not home, leave your name and number and I’ll call you back.” I had a couple people leave me messages to call them about their appointments. 
Then for some reason I would periodically get phone calls asking for George. No, that’s not my name, and the calls started some time after I had the number. It was very strange.
After a stretch of getting calls for George several days in a row, I finally put this one on the machine:
“Hello. Nobody named George lives here. If you’re looking for [Irishman], I’m unavailable. Please leave your name and number and I’ll call you back.”
Okay, not exactly hilarious, but sure was funny the first time family members called.
(And of course “Irishman” was not the name I used - I used my real name.)
Of course when the topic comes up, I get flashbacks to the commercial advertising a tape of funny messages. The one that pops in my head is a “rap” style that goes something like this:
“Wait for the beep!
You gotta leave your name,
you gotta leave your number.
Wait for the beep!”
Trust me, it’s even more annoying when chanted with the rhythm and music.
Now it’s stuck in my head. Ack!
“The number you have reached is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and call again.”
Hey Irish, it’s a pretty common problem. My friends machine says “This is not the 49’ers season ticket office, or the Navy Recruiting Office. If you would like to leave a message for Gary and Sharon, do so at the beep.”
Always remember that you are unique, just like everybody else.
My recruiter has the following message on the Office’s machine:
“You have reached **The Worlds Greatest, THE UNITED STATES MARINES!!![\b], Leave a name and number and we’ll send your butt to bootcamp. …Beep…”
What makes it funny is the music in the backround and the Gameshow like tone of voice in which he says the above bold print. Just thought I’d share.
“We’re surrounded? Good, that means we can fight them in every direction!” -Lewis B. “Chesty” Puller- Greatest Marine ever.
I’ve had several. I’ll list then for you:
(Normal stuff - you have reached - number - at sound of tone - ect, ect, then) I’ll try to get back with you if I feel like it.
(Normal stuff) then if you are a phone solicitor, bugger off! Anyone else, leave a message and I might get back to you.
(Normal stuff) then … I might or might not be home right now. I might or might not be sitting around and listening to this. Leave a message at the tone and if I am here, I’ll think about it.
(Normal stuff) then … If you are a bill collector, then I moved and don’t know where I went. If not, then leave a message and I’ll get back to you.
CAREFUL! We don’t want to learn from this!(Calvin and Hobbs)
I don’t know much about answering machine messages since I’ve only ever done one. But I know a lot about the one I did, seeing as it’s me when I was eleven!!
“Organs gross me out. That’s organs, not orgasms.”
-the wallster
Okay, I obviously fell asleep in the midst of writing that post. I completely left behind the connection to my thises and thats. What I was trying to say is that I made an OGM when I was eleven, and it remains to this day, on our machine.
The End and Goodnight.
“Organs gross me out. That’s organs, not orgasms.”
-the wallster