Yeah, sometimes they come up with a good one.
Pops can bust a move, eh?
Cherokee people didn’t have a word for scrotum.
I believe that Mr Hammerstein intended it as a public service announcement, a warning, a portent of impending unfortunate results, a strip of “crime scene do not enter”, a kind of urban epiphany, the equivalent of a sign with a hand touching something but with a red diagonal drawn across it, a taunt, a dare, a mournful cry for the psoriasis sufferers or some supposedly cool, but actually meaningless, shit.
I’m sure they would have if it was many-coloured. 
(Just in case you’re not trying to whoosh me, it’s actually a Duckman quote. The other two are from The Pointy-Haired Boss and Jay “The Critic” Sherman, respectively.)
Some used to say things like " **** people don’t have a word for (war), (hate), (lie), (etc)". Just another way of imparting great wisdom.
How would it be sexual? He’s saying you CAN’T touch this.
Of course, later on, “this” would refer to the vast amounts of assets he accumulated that, thank’s to his creditor, he now “can’t touch”.
Well. he could be denying sexual contact th the ubiquitous “you” out there.
ButI think he is, indeed, bragging. With good reason, imo. How many of us between the ages of 5 and 50 at the time didn’t at least do a little sit dance upon hearing the tune.
But Brak’s is 10x better.
For some reason, now I can’t help but think of Zorak’s great intonation, “C’mon, be a man! Be a Klugman!”
How is one supposed to get to it through all those layers of fabric? If “you know what” means what I think it means.
That’s when the record changes and “The Walk” by The Time starts playing.
You know, there are surgical options and support groups for that. 
Either that, or the parachute pants version of these.
I’ve always taken it to mean that the life he was living then was so sweet that no one else could relate to (touch) it.
Here’s a funny take on Hammer’s video by Tommy Davidson of In Living Color.
(And who’s the girl on the right? She’s slightly out sync, sort of like she didn’t have time to master all the moves, but I can’t take my eyes off her anyway. I’m thinkin’ maybe JLo as she looked quite a bit different then, but I’m not sure.)
That’s not JLo. She wasn’t on the show then.
And I agree with the above posters who cited the Hallmark commercial. That is the best commercial ever made, and I love the man in it.
Thanks. 
Okay, but what the hell does “Whoomp, there it is!” mean?
It’s about something that you can’t touch. Presumably, Hammer can touch it.
People who think they “need” Hammers are just ostentatious a-holes who could obviously get by with a more economical rapper.