Oh, yeah, I remember the bitter battles my head would engage in…they’re not fun are they? They rage and scream and you wish to fuck that the neverending noise would just go the fuck away…anything, ANYTHING for some peace.
And don’t worry about listening to ‘advice’ Ryle. I don’t think anyone here is really offering advice as such…just giving you our stories of how we HAVE been where you are, and yet we’re still here today. For some of us, like Persephone (and I have a similar story btw), that might have been sheer luck. When you play with death, sometimes you don’t come back to tell the tale.
Y’know, I went through a period of about 10 years all up, suffering depression and at various times seriously thinking about doing myself in. My crisis time was about 4-5 years ago when things went past the thinking to the ‘doing’ stage. At that point, there was NO point if you get what I mean. I didn’t care whether I lived or died, but I thought at least death would put an end to the fucking gremlins in my head.
Things did get better for me, or rather I got better. There are days now when it does feel good to be alive…sure, not every bloody day, but even ONE good day is worth being alive for. Because if you’re not here to experience it, you’ll never know.
[quote] Ryle: there are 2 people in my head, one who has the body and the other is typing right now.
[quote]
When that has happened to me, I have called it “going away.” I felt separated from my body. I was so far removed emotionally that I couldn’t speak to whomever was around, but a lot was going on inside.
I forgot a lot of things too. Couldn’t get a thought out the right way.
No, I don’t think you’re an asshole at all. This is no time to be blaming yourself.
Do you want me to stay up to talk with you through the night?
I don’t mind staying up to talk at all. I’m sorry that there was a two hour lap between your post and mine. I thought you had gone elsewhere.
We can talk about anything you like or nothing in particular. You don’t even have to write in full sentences. Just your thoughts and words – keep them coming.
I will hang around another thirty minutes or so to see if you are still here lurking or posting at Cecil’s.
I know that all of the advice in the world won’t make you feel better right now, but a doctor can help you to feel better quickly. Have you considered an ER? Your pain is as real as any other. The most pain that I have ever felt was mental anguish. I couldn’t sit still. Couldn’t walk well or talk coherently. I thought I was going to explode.
But I didn’t.
A perceptive ER doctor gave me one pill. I slept for almost 24 hours and then was much calmer and able to deal with problems as they came up.
Now if I ever have suicidal feelings, I sort of put myself on automatic and get to a safe place. Or I tell someone who can get me to a safe place.
Ryle posted at Cecil’s Place last night. Hopefully, he’s getting some much needed sleep. My internet connection is dodgy on Sunday nights, so I wasn’t able to follow much of what was going on here last night, and I had limited contact with Cecil’s Place. The reason my line was tied up for a bit last night is I was checking my own support network. I also have a rather grueling day of work ahead of me, but I’ll do what monitoring I can.
It seems there are also 14 pending new members at Cecil’s Place. Ryle, if you’re reading this, that’s a new record. While I haven’t been in touch with them yet, I suspect they’re signing on to help you.
Thank you everyone, but especially Teletron and NoClueBoy for all you’ve done. I’ll keep you posted as best I can.
Ryle, as you can see, there are many people right here on this message board who have come to care about you a great deal.
You can choose to ignore our advice, rant at us, put us down… We don’t care, as long as you say something.
I have lost a few friends as a direct result of the kind of thing you’re going through now. They thought that no one cared. But I’ll tell you something- Their absence left a hole in my life, and the lives of others, that absolutely no one else will ever fill.
No matter what you think, you’re someone special. There’s no one else who could ever take your place. Sounds trite, I know. But the truth of the statement doesn’t change with frequent repetition.
I didn’t know you existed before this thread. I know you exist now, though. Your words have made you a part of my life, however small.
If you still think that no one cares, you can count me as one doper who would be heartbroken to lose you.
I’m looking forward to hearing from you, Ryle.
btw, I’ve been pronouncing your name Rile as in riled up (Ryle Dup = riled up, get it?) But, when you look at the first name only, it’s easy to see it as Riley. Which do you prefer?
Take care of yourselves, Seige, froot, tele… ftr, I didn’t do anything special. I just happened to be online is all.
And I must say, Wow! Dopers are really responding to this thread. Considering the title gives no clue as to what’s going on, this means to me that many Dopers are interconnected and communicate with each other irl when needed. Though The Dope is not real life, it’s the closest I’ve ever seen to it. You guys are cool.
I’m just about 99.9% sure it’s not a joke. And even that other .01% is pretty sure, too.
If Siege is taking it this seriously, I think we should, too.
Ryle, if you’re still reading, remember, we all want to help you. The hardest thing you have to do is take the hand that’s extended to you. If you can do that, things will be okay. I promise.
I am more than willing to be the victim of the joke.
Ryle, please listen to everything that has been said. The names you see here are real people who really do care what you are going through. Don’t let the bullshit in your head win.
I am not going to tell you that life is easy, it sure the hell isn’t, especially at your age. The thing is, is that you don’t have to cope with this alone and without help. I don’t recall every having met you here before, but in the short time in this thread I have come to care about you very much. Look around, I am not the only one who feels this way.
I work closely with veterans who suffer from FM as well as severe depression or post traumatic stress disorder from experiences of war. I have seen grown men struggling just like you are right now. I have also seen how strong they become once they let someone take over the wheel while they receive the help they need. I have seen these men actually cry in relief once they see that life really is worth living.
Ryle, these were grown men who were big and strong and fought war battles but they still couldn’t fight this battle on their own. Please accept help so you can feel better.
[/b/Ryle Dup**?? My sincerest apologies. (and I apogize for the screwed up coding that resulted in so much bold. I forgot my damn reading glasses, and every time I thought I’d gotten the darn brackets correct [I’m on dialup and preview was taking forever] turned out I’d missed one, resulting in a half a page of bold).
My statements were in direct answer to the questions you were asking. They weren’t meant against you personally, nor were they meant in a “scolding” way.
When people are typing out answers and statements back and forth, (particularly if the subject is one near and dear to the heart of ONE of the participants), the type can tend to look harsh, and take on meaning the author did not in any way intend.
You were curious about all the whys from the parent (or some parents, Saaay, Howcome you didn’t pit the other parent??? whiiiine :D), we answered honestly and upfront.
We didn’t call you names, talk “down to you” or insult you. We parents KNOW it’s a frustrating subject for you and other teens. But your anger at me is misplaced. You wanted to know why parnents like me set down the rules we did.
We answered honestly and from the heart. If you’ve asked other questions which I didn’t get to, please don’t take that as if it meant I’d decided you were wrong and just left the fray.
People don’t normally spend all day on the boards just waiting. They’ll post for awhile and then do other stuff.
I just happen to be more active this week than others because of where I’m working this next couple of weeks.
Personally, I think you’re a very intelligent and nice kid. And as to the “pitting”??? My own daughter had a few much worse things to say during her teen rebellion years. I’ll get over it :).
