Caption contest. No prize other than the obvious and probably much needed catharsis.
#1:
#2:
#3:
Maybe just use the numbers in responses … as in:
“The President commented that Bill Clinton’s biggest mistake was aiming at an article of clothing instead of aiming at something far less obvious.”
“Glad I wore my flame-retardant suit !”
“I MAY HAVE MESSED MYSELF … SIR !!”
“The flag of Slovenia has nothing on you, baby.”
“Remember, only you can prevent Holy Hellfire.” -Smokey The Slob
“I only shade my right eye. Besides, the left one is blind. And stupid.”
“I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing it. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful flags—I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab 'em by the stripes. You can do anything.”
“Anyone know how to read this?”
“Thank you, Captain Helicopter!”
I like how this wooden pole feels between my legs. Never felt ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE!
Duuuuuhhhhh… How read book?
Ja, commrade Putin.
God hates flags
“Oh yea? Obama couldn’t pick up this book. The good book. The, and I mean this, really, the best book. Well, it’s no Art of the Deal, but then again, Jesus was never the President. And why would you, I mean, people come up to me, the bigliest people, a tear in his eye, and he tells me Don, that’s my name, so he says Don, and I tell him that I’m president, so I wrote the best book, and have you ever even seen Hillary pray? She’s a secret Muslim who will make you socialists and she came in second, and I like people who aren’t losers, let me tell you. Believe me.”
Job performance meeting with Putin
[more words to placate discobot.]
No. 3:
“Hey, I can see the White House from here!”
“Sir, turn around.”
“And now I kiss Ohio’s star, and then I’ll kiss Kansas’s star, and then Michigan’s star …”
“And this book contains an example of great leadership–Moses. It was Moses who led the baby Jesus from the Garden of Eden, and through the wilderness, before stopping to hear a sermon on a mountain. Then he took two tablets, might have been Advil, might have been Tylenol, I don’t know; but …”
In the fading daylight, Trump can’t see well enough to realize he’s actually saluting the fountain on the South Lawn.
All of the above:
“Never trust your car to a man who humps the star.”
“I hold in my hand … the failing King James Bible ! Have you seen its ratings lately ? Terrible”
“Awwwwww, shit. Pretty sure I just Krazy Glued my hand to my forehead again. Jared ?? JAH-RED ?!?”
“Ooh. Wrinkles. I’ll bet this is how Melania would feel without all the Botox.”
“Anybody want to twist up a fattie ? People are saying that Leviticus works great for that.”
“I saw this on Star Trek once. Watch me give Biden an aneurysm.”
“Stars … stripes … and now … a diminutive mushroom.”
“I hold in my hand the list of approved Supreme Court nominees provided to me by the Federalist Society.”
“If I flip my hand slightly up and slightly down at just the right speed, It looks like the propeller on the hopt-i-copter is standing still”
“Grab-em by the pulley.”
"Toilet paper shortage? Not in my house!’
Saying to self: “You salute with your right hand, right? Or is it your left? Please let it be the right, 'cause if I’m wrong on this I will fire someone.”
Now that sounds more like something Sarah Palin might have said. (If you add something about capturing the airport at Jericho, then it’s more Trumpish.)
(I wanted to post a pic of Trump making goofy faces when he mocked Serge Kovalesky, but I could only find videos and not a still pic.)
Jericho. Walls. They had the best walls of the time. The most beautiful walls. Those walls lasted for years. For centuries. They were big, beautiful walls. That’s what we need. America’s walls. Just like Jericho’s.
Then a guy named Joshua came along. I think he played for the Tijuana Brass, or something. Anyway, he blew a trumpet, and Jericho’s walls fell down. My walls won’t, not at the sound of a trumpet. In fact, I’d like to hear the sound of a trumpet at that wall, playing Re-vile as our beautiful Stars and Stripes is hoisted on a flagpole at dawn, just so those Mexicans know who we are.
Now, this book also tells about when a guy named Daniel played for the Detroit Lions…