Just to add a little more patheticness to my own situation to what appears to be a empathetic audience, tonight we got out of class early so a bunch of us decided to get a few beers at the local pub. As soon as I walk in, who do I see?
Mr. Crush of course!
Great! An opprotunity to make up for my previous dumbfuckness, I say to myself.
Ah, but that would be what a non-pathetic person would do!
What do I do?
Totally ignore the empty seat next to him and proceed to sit as far away as possible so any chance of actually having a conversation is effectively trumped. After all, if I had grown a pair and taken the empty seat (that was now of course, occupied) I would’ve missed a prime opprotunity to sit in a corner sucked into a boring ass conversation about the skyrocketing price of real estate in California while silently kicking myself for making such a stupid assed move.
By the time the crowd thinned enough to provide a chance to engage in a converation with Mr. Crush, I had about five minutes before everyone took off for the night.
To make yourself feel better: just remember that you did it so as to preserve that air of mystery about yourself. Now he’s thinking, “damn, I wonder why she didn’t sit in this perfectly good seat next to me? She’s a mystery I will have to crack. So to speak.”
And by the way, if you’d “grown a pair,” he probably wouldn’t be interested anymore. Unless he’s into that kind of thing.
lezlers, y’know what’s worse? When you’re in that situation, bar/party/whatever, and you do summon up the courage to go and sit next to or just talk to whoever…and then nothing. You’ve probably spent at least 5 minutes going “Yeah! I’m gonna grow a pair! I’m being proactive! I will go over there and say something terribly witty and we’ll talk for hours like they do in the movies and he’ll realize what he’s been missing all this time!” in your head. Then once you do say whatever it was you thought of, you want to toe-tag the whole situation and curl up in a ball and pretend it never happened because the conversation just doesn’t go anywhere from there and you can’t necessarily slink away like it didn’t happen so you have to be like “would you excuse me? I’m going to go to the restroom” and then find someone new to talk to when you come back to the room. (wow that was a lot of words at once)
As for my situation, this wouldn’t all be such a big deal if not for several things:
the last crush I had was really just a crush of convenience because it was someone new and cute, wahoo, but I knew it’d never go anywhere; whether or not M ever had or will have feelings for me, I genuinely believe(d) that there was potential for a relationship with him
I haven’t talked to him all week. He hasn’t been online, so I haven’t talked to him since last Saturday. Yes, it makes it easier to believe that I’m over the crush and whatever, but at the same time I really want to see him. Being a girl sucks.
Your hypothetical (riiiight) scenerio is exactly why I made a bee-line for the seat furthest away. The fear of that exact thing happening is what keeps that pair from growin’.
We should start a club. We can like, have a secret handshake and shit.
Saramamallama you need to be more aggressive. You need to ask him out or to meet you somewhere or to go to something completely harmless as the movies.
You need to live your life in full dramatic color.
As Sisyphus said, take off your tight restrictive bra and just let them hang. good advice
Then, you need to post your crumbling, disastrophical life here, so that we, the jaundiced veterans of days gone by, the ones with such tough outer skins and hearts so hard that it would make the Grinch coil in fear, may live vicariously through you before we resume our bitter, hollow lives.
You have certain obligations and duties to fulfill.
lezlers:
I’m confused here, so help me out! In this thread you come across as a very cool girl that would be fun to spend some time with. You seem like the type of girl that most any guy would be glad to take out for an evening.
I don’t know how to overcome shyness, never having had that problem myself, but maybe you could print this thread. Place the pertinent posts into a folder, scribble on a sticky note: “I’m lezlers, you’re Mr. Crush”. Then hand the folder to him and run away.
If he reads what you’ve given him, and he’s not a total moron, he’ll seek you out and ask for a date.
spooje, I’ve considered that. I’ve thought maybe he just didn’t take me seriously or know what I was saying. I’ve also considered that if I decide to have a big talk with him that I’d say “you do know I meant it when I said so, right?” In which case, I leave myself even more wide open for rejection. Yay.
I haven’t seen him now for about two weeks…wow, maybe three? And like I said, I haven’t talked to him since Saturday. It’s easy to just be over it and throw my hands up in the air about it all. I do miss him though. Shirley, I did ask him to hang out, the past two Saturdays. The first one was when I felt like I was getting blown off, the second one he already had plans. So it’s not that I haven’t made my share of effort, yknow?
Understood. I’ll need a case of Corona, 2 limes, and a pack of Parliament lights. Stat!
Sorry for being obnoxious, but since nobody else here is doing it, I better. Why, when reading this thread, do I feel like you’re in high school.
You “told him you like him?” I keep expecting someone to chime in with, “Did you tell him you like him, or that you like-him-like-him?” Just for your information, some guys are clueless. If you told him “you like him” then he could just think you like him as a friend.
You also asked him to “hang out?” What happened to dating? Did he know what you meant when you asked him to “hang out,” or would it have made him think, “Well, she is cute but she wants to hang out as friends so I should do something else.”
All this unrequited crush bullshit could be resolved in about two minutes if you were less ambiguous when talking to him, assuming that I’m interpreting your posts correctly.
And you have nothing to lose. At worst, he says he is not interested, but that is what you’re assuming already, so you wouldn’t be losing anything. At best, you live happily ever after. At most likely, he’ll at least help you take care of “I’m so freakin horny lately.”
Well, I think so. Unfortunately, whenever I feel as if I have to “impress” someone, I come across as a complete idiot. I’m at my best when I don’t feel as if I have to please anyone. I try to tell myself that I don’t have to please anyone but my damn self, but I’m such a bad liar, even I don’t believe me.
Funny story. I actually wrote a short “creative” story, changing names but keeping them painfully obvious, about a guy who was dumb as bricks since he couldn’t see the painfully obvious “hints” I’d, um, I mean “Lisa” had been dropping for a couple months. I gave it to him right before he left for a cruise. When he got home he asked me out. I guess the clue-by-four I whacked him with wasn’t as painful as I’d thought. In that case though, I had an inkling that he was digging on me a bit. With Mr. Crush, I got nuthin’. And I have to see Mr. Crush four nights a week for the next 2 years, making me helluva lot less ballsy. Plus it just feels silly to have this gargantuan crush on a guy I’ve barely talked to.
Yep, it’s silly. None of this stuff ever makes a bit of sense.
But as far as encouraging ballsiness: I’d say to forget that you’re going to have to see the guy constantly over the next to years, just think about what you want right now. Even if he’s not interested, that doesn’t mean things have to be awkward and uncomfortable between you two forever.
For what it’s worth, two of my best friends started out as ridiculous crush situations (one crushing on me, and the other with me crushing on her), and we’ve been friends for years. Things were uncomfortable for a couple of weeks, but quickly got back to normal and turned into real friendships. And before anyone asks, it didn’t depend on my having to come out; we got to be friends long before that. That just drove home the “we’re just friends” idea.
At this point, you’ve pretty much gotta go with spooje’s advice. (How many times do you hear that in a day?) You’re going to keep riding the roller-coaster until you take control of it and let the guy know how you feel.
I hate to say it, but it’s actually easier when you can convince yourself that you’re taking the high road by playing it cool, and your One True Love is being blocked by cruel fate or some unfit other woman. It’s much harder to just put it out there and deal with the possibility that he’s just not interested, other woman or no.
And no, once you rip off the band-aid and put your feelings out there, it does not make everything better instantly. But what it does do, is keep you from having to ride out all the highs and lows and beating yourself up for so long. My advice: tell the guy. Even if he’s dating. He’s either oblivious to how you feel (most likely), or he knows and he’s not interested (worse, but still not the end of the world). Better to know for sure than to be having an entire relationship that’s going on entirely in your head. Take it from one who knows.
Every night I fall down into the yellow green pulsing hell that my brain dangles me under falling, falling suspended in air over the precipice of goeey acid.
This is hell. The King of Hades is still meloncholy, the peasant of the barley meadows dancing.
Your smooth five rings circle around like dancer’s thighs amazing, entrancing with a little flirt of a nitrogen to entice me into the secrets inside. You let me inside and everything is okay now, honey.
I walk up my staircase, the light shining above and lifting me up to the princess’s velvet chambers and we will sleep forever in the Empire’s goodness.
