And you know the worst part of an unrequited crush?
It’s that you can finally be well and truly over it, having worked your self-esteem back up to the point where you’re convinced that it was just one paritcular situation that just didn’t work out, and there’s nothing inherently wrong about you that makes you undateable. And you’re pretty happy with things again. And then weeks later, you’re out drinking with friends, and someone asks you how things are going in your personal life. And you start telling the whole story from the beginning, without even realizing you’re doing it, still able to give the details of every single conversation and how you felt after each one. And you look around the bar and see that just about everyone else is paired up, and you’re the only one who’s alone. And you realize that you’ve made no progress at all.
And your friends will try to encourage you and tell you that you just need to meet someone new, and you nod and say “okay” while you’re thinking that you don’t want to meet anyone new, because you’ve found just the right person. And you go home and end up talking to the person (not stalking! He initiated the conversation, I swear to Og) and he goes on about how his last boyfriend keeps trying to get back together and won’t leave him alone, and how frustrating it is trying to find the right person. And you realize that in the past, you would’ve been looking for signs of something in all that, but now you just stare numbly as the one who you’d thought was your soulmate complains about how he can’t find the “right person,” and you are squarely and solidly in the JUST A FRIEND category.
Err.
I mean, I’ve heard that that’s the worst part. I wouldn’t know, personally.
For poor ol’me it’s worse.I have something called Asperger’s Syndrome which means that I have trouble reading body language.
So when cute girl smiles at me or sits next to me,AFAICT it’s cos she really likes me.And when I’m sitting next to her or hugging her or whatever,then sometimes I haven’t been able to tell that they’re not happy with it and so I get a few weeks later that ‘Crush thinks you’ve been pestering her.Leave her alone’ and when I ask why she didn’t actually say anything to me,then it was cos she ‘didn’t wanna hurt my feelings’. So now I’m a bit wary of going after them in case they’re not interested.
Another problem is that we Asperger’s mix with younger people.So chasing a 16 or 17 yr old isn’t so bad at 18,but at 25 you get a few odd looks.And I always seem to find someone-work,school,church.Wherever I go there’ll be some female that gets me going…
Which brings me onto another problem.I’ve been training for work and for the first two days have rather taken to one of the Saturday girls.We seem to get on well,but since I’m been rather ill we haven’t really had chance to talk and after two days it seems a bit quick.Well,now we’re training and won’t see each other for five weeks.Do I still keep in touch and maybe let her think I’m pestering her or risk her disappearing and thinking I’m not interested
Well I can say I’m firmly planted in the “yup, he didn’t/doesn’t like me back” situation because I still haven’t talked to him. I saw him online a few days ago for a few minutes, and I would have said hello but I needed to run. I keep thinking that when I do see him next, I’ll be unnecessarily cold to him. Because of this, I’ve had two dreams about him in the last week or so:
I told him everything, how I felt when I met him, that I sincerely liked him all along and that I wasn’t kidding when I told him so. I don’t think the dream lasted long enough to see what his reaction was.
We ran into each other somewhere, I think I was directing a show in a camp, and we acted like we always did. The hugging, flirting, all that nice stuff…and in the dream I thought “oh, so I guess I’m not going to be cold towards him.”
Meh.
So between not seeing him for a month, not talking to him for I guess two weeks, and a random drunken hookup last weekend, I think I’m pretty much over it all. Of course I keep saying this, but who knows if/when I’ll see him next and how it’ll be. Or for that matter, if he’s still seeing the girl he went on that one date with.
lemon_martini2, why not ask for a phone number or email address or something? You can call/write once or twice, and field the reaction from that. If she seems put off or disinterested, well then you don’t have to see her for another few weeks anyway, right?
Same here, All the women i like don’t seem to like me back, and the handful of women who are crazy about me i do not like. The only time the liking has been reciprocated i was too scared to approach (long story) or it was online.
Thanks it’s working out quite nicely(apart from my dying).Since their group isn’t training till next week they won’t know I’ve been taken seriously ill…(see my I Want My Immune System Back thread)…so I’m getting my parents(I’m in no state to attempt conversation) to phone the list of numbers I’ve given them(including theirs-(Thank Og!all of them the only one with their name in the book) and pass on the word,and to add that ‘a friendly voice’ would be appreciated…
