I know that none of you really know me but I have been lurking here for quite some time, posting only occasionally. But I think that this may help me out in the long run as you don’t really know me and won’t sugar coat anything to protect my feelings.
This is kind of a long story so you may want to get comfortable.
About a year and a half ago I moved back home after living in Connecticut for some time and was right away introduced to a friend of my sister’s, we’ll call him Jim. I hit it of with Jim right away and soon, almost too soon maybe, we were dating. He seemed perfect, we had so much in common, he could make me laugh like no one else and he made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, which no one has done before. For five months things were great and then suddenly, he got distant. He was having some troubles with his family and was very distracted by events going on that had little to do with me and weren’t my fault, which I understood. I also understood when he told me he needed to end things. We hadn’t been together very long and I understood that he needed to sort things out. I was hurt, but not mad at him and made sure he understood that. I sincerily hoped we could still be friends.
When I look back, this is where the problem intially began. You see I have to see him on a regular basis, in small quaters, there is no avoiding him. He is also a main player in my group of friends, so I see him all the time. Whenever we saw each other, the flirtations would be unbelievable. Almost like we were back in high school again. I was an idiot because I let it happen. I enjoyed the attention. He made me feel desireable, even though we weren’t dating. The flirtations went on for about two months, when eventually we hooked up again and started dating. Again, things were great except for one problem. I was living with my sister, whom he HATED. Why, you may ask. Well becasue she was a complete B**** to him all the time. He wouldn’t want to come over because he didn’t want to be around her.
Slowly, he was around less and less. And honestly I was tired of it. We sat down and talked, and he asked me what I wanted to do. I told him I thought we should break up becasue I was pretty sure it is what he wanted. He didn’t deny it and it was over. Again very little anymosity. I was relieved even, because there wasn’t that question mark hanging over the future of our relationship anymore. I felt REALLY REALLY good about it, in fact. For one night.
The next day he comes up to me and tells me he is not sure that us breaking up was the right thing to do. He even gave me flowers and kissed me. I admit, I was an idiot yet again, I let him sweep me up. I was headed out of town and told him I needed time to think about it, and we could talk when I got back.
I told everyone that there was no way, I acted strong. But deep down, I knew that if it was something he really wanted, I wanted it too. Idiot Idiot Idiot. I didn’t get back together with him, but the flirtations continued. He would say things to me that made me feel so good. Tell me he thought about me all the time. Tell me that if I didn’t live with my sister, we could be together. Telling me that he wants me above anyone else. What can I say? I bought it. I am not by any means proud of it. I have always considered myself to be strong and the type of person who would never take any shit from a guy, and yet, I bought it, all of it.
Evetually I moved out of my sisters, not because of him, but because I truly was miserable there. But still nothing happened between us except for heavy flirting and his comments about me to me. When I confronted him and asked him what it was he wanted from me, he said he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now and was afraid of being hurt.
And so the flirting continued. Then there was Jeff. He was interested in me and Jim and Jeff suddenly became friends, like brothers, according to Jim. When Jeff would flirt with me, in front of Jim, Jim would go overboard to flirt back I mean, like back in high school type flitings, Stealing my car keys lifting me in the air. Was it fun? Hell ya! It was a blast, all of the flirting was fun, which was why I kept doing it. I asked Jim if he was jealous of Jeff and at first he said no, he was happy for me or some such. But then he came back and said he had lied and that it tore him up inside, he wanted me so badly, but couldn’t have me. Again, there is some made up reason in his head why he can’t have me. Then the next day he practically shoves Jeff at me telling me he can be, “the best man at our wedding.” Now, things would never work out between Jeff and i anyways as I am not attracted him in the slightest and he is completely not my type. I think Jim thinks I am turning down Jeff because of him, which isn’t true and I told him so. I would welcome a rebound relationship at this point, anything to get me over Jim.
I have decided it is mostly a control thing for Jim. He knows he has me wrapped and I can’t find a way to shake him. But, I am always there, like a girlfriend, without the resposibiliteis of a girlfriend. Of course maybe I am just trying to place the blame on him.
I need your advice on how to get off Jim. I CAN NOT avoid him in my daily life. How do I get over someone I see all the time. I care about him too much to turn into a bitch and ignore him or drive him away. But, I also know that getting into a relationship with him, if he ever decided that was what he wanted, would be the worst idea in the world. The only way I can see myself getting over him is if he were out of my life, but that isn’t an option. Please tell me I am not the only person to go through something similar to this. How do i get over him and turn him into just a friend? I just want to not care about him at all and I am trying so hard to do that. But it’s not working.
Forgive all of the numerous spelling an grammer errors there are in this post. But it’s late and I am tired. Any advice you all care to share?
You may be enabling him a bit by being so ready to scoop up his attention when it’s there.