Question: What Daddy hears after a long night of boozing.
Carnac: I’m going to Disneyland!
Envelope: What did Michael Eisner not say after his last board meeting?
Carnac: Some Like It Hot.
Why do they sell chili peppers in adult novelty stores?
A: Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting!
Q: When you get past the religeous/spiritual overtones of The Matrix, what is the movie really all about?
A: I fought the law and the law won.
A: Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting!
Q: Why were Chinese discos so dangerous?
Envelope: Bill Clinton, Linda Bloodworth-Thomason, and Billy Carter
Q: Zsa Zsa Gabor’s least favorite song.
Envelope: Bill Clinton, Linda Bloodworth-Thomason, and Billy Carter
Just to get the kink out of the chain, what you offer up is Carnac prognosticating an answer. The question is in the envelope. 
Envelope: Name 3 people Fred Phelps hates. (Extra credit for Jesus Christ.)
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Carnac: I can’t do it all by myself.
What line does Pee Wee Herman use to get dates?
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Carnac: Smile when you say that, son.
Envelope: Bush Sr. over WMD’s
Carnac: That’s the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it, uh huh, uh huh.
Envelope: What did Bill Clinton say to Monica Lewinsky?
Carnac: ZZ Top and Mel Gibson
Envelope: Who are some big fans of men in long white beards?
Ed chuckles – or was that a groan?
Carnac: Follow the yellow brick road.
Envelope:How do I find a Munchkin on a rope? [Yikes. That was sort of tasteless and urban-legendy. Sorry 'bout that.]
Carnac: Sis Boom Bah. [This one was an actual Carnac joke. Let’s see if anyone else remembers the punchline.]
What sound does an exploding sheep make?
280Z (another actual Carnac joke)
How much will I have to drink before my date looks attractive?
(I’m sure its not the original Carnac punchline, but it’ll have to do)
A standing ovation, and a check for $2.00.
Carnac:What did Dennis Kucinich receive at his last political fundraiser?
Envelope:Meatloaf on a unicycle.
Envelope: What do you get when the Bat out of Hell is too old to fly?
Carnac: Don’t be a jerk.
Envelope: What career advice did the soda vendor offer to his son?
Carnac: Life as we know it.
Envelope: What are most politicians out of touch with?
Carnac: Hitler on crack. HA! Make that funny!
Evelope: Who does Mr. Bean bear a striking resemblance to?
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Carnac: The End of the World As We Know It.
Envelope: What happens on April 21?
(cf. new SDMB membership agreement)
Carnac: Ann Coulter and Al Franken.