So how are you doing Claudia 
Casual sex is fine so long as it is understood as such and does not involve breaking trust with a current partner. Propper precautions should be taken against STDs and pregnancy, but appart from those considerations I’m all for casual sex.
I would say that casual sex should be somewhat romantic, in a ships meeting in the night sort of way, and I wouldn’t want sex with someone I didn’t like no matter how hot she might be.
I don’t think casual sex is anymore than scratching an itch. You eat when you’re hungry, drink when you’re thirsty, and when all you’re looking for is to get your rocks off, casual sex is fine, provided you take all precautions.
HOWEVER: I am highly, highly against having casual sex while either partner is drunk or stoned to the gills. Not to say I think picking someone up in a bar is unfeasible, but jeez, if (s)he’s falling over drunk, people get different when drunk and one thing people often get is careless.
I have no problem with casual sex, at least in theory. I don’t have any particular moral hangups about it, and there are far more risky activities people do for fun.
I don’t know that I’d feel comfortable having sex with anyone who I wasn’t at least good friends with. That’s partly since for me, sex is a significantly emotional experience, and partly because I’d like to know I can trust my partner when it comes to sexual history and STDs.
I got into a “fuck-buddy” type relationship with a woman some years ago. After a few years we decided that we were compatible enough to live together, ended up getting married. I’m still not sure if my experience should count as a point for or against casual sex.
I never “screwed a stranger”, so to speak. I wasn’t into one-night stands and all that when I was younger. The old adage about “never go to bed with someone that you wouldn’t want to wake up and talk to the next morning” has stood me in good stead.
I think sex is a heckuva lot more fun between friends. It’s even more fun when love is involved. If it’s between strangers, it’s only one step up from masturbation.
But that’s just me…
Maybe true…but I LOVE masturbation. Casual sex (while taking the proper precautions) is even better.
Casual sex: yea! With a few caveats though. I’ve never done it with someone I’ve just met and don’t think I could. I have to feel at least some sort of a connection, at least to the point where I know I can carry on a conversation with the guy. (And yes, there has to be protection!)
I have done it before, and it can be great, and I would do it again, but the conditions have to be right, which they usually aren’t. (But if that hot guy from the gym keeps lookin’ my way and smilin’ his sexy, dimpled smile… well, those conditions might just find themselves right!)
Exactly what taxi78cab said.
(In fact, I’d seen this thread earlier, and was just about to go look up an e-mail I sent to someone a little while ago that expressed my thoughts on the subject so I could copy/paste … so glad I checked the latest posts first! :))
I do think that relationship sex is better than casual sex: I’ve never had casual sex go beyond two or three encounters (and it’s usually just the one), but with relationship sex you’re taking the time to really get to know your partner’s likes/dislikes – and vice versa. The best sex I had with my ex was 2.5 months into our relationship (we started on the 3rd date): unfortunately it was also the last time we had sex, but if we hadn’t broken up I know there would have been even better experiences to come. So to speak. 
I really liked the way Johnny L.A. differentiated between fucking, having sex, and making love (though I can’t say that term seriously without laughing). Now, I think a married or otherwise committed couple can actually do any of those three with each other, but when you’re single, it’s a different story.
Being a single male, and having experience with all three, I’d say “fucking” – sleeping with someone you met very, very recently, or online, or whatever – just isn’t very fulfilling. In fact, I can barely keep my mind focused on it during the act. If others can enjoy that and be safe about it, more power to 'em.
I have had sex with a couple friends though, and it can be a lot of fun. I’m a big-time endorser of “fuckbuddy” arrangements for people my age (mid-20s) who haven’t been able to develop a serious relationship for whatever reason. There’s trust between partners, and it’s a great way to, as **QuickSilver/b] said, keep the wolves from the door. Plus, the casualness of it all makes it a great way to try out some new things that you think you might be into, but aren’t really sure.
But nothing beats sex with someone you’re in love with. Absolutely nothing.
I see no moral issues involved with sex of any kind so long as everybody’s mature and the sex is consensual. My brief foray into promiscuity taught me in short order that I can’t really handle the stress of juggling. Worse, I tend to attach perhaps more emotion to sex than is warranted at times, so I’m also ill-equipped to be cavalier about sexual encounters and view it all as simply good fun. I rather envy those who can, actually, and I imagine those who can actually function in “open relationships” are having a wonderful time of it. Nothing immoral about that.
The only major, big-time caveat to all of the above is disease. If you throw HPV into the mix, a disconcertingly large percentage of the sexually-active folks out there are infected with an STD-causing virus or microbe. Warts may or may not be a big deal, depending on the strain of virus. Herpes is something I think most people would really rather live without. Neither of those two cooties’ transmission can necessarily be stopped by use of a condom, so even responsible and functioning protection will not guarantee safety. HIV transmission can be virtually eliminated by dual use of condoms and spermicide; but when the consequence of accident is eventual untimely death, is “virtually” close enough to zero for most people’s tastes? It’s a tough call.
Maybe I worry too much, but if by some grave misfortune I find myself in the dating pool again, casual sex would probably freak me out too much (not that I’d be beating women off with a stick or anything). Compared to the health concerns, the moral concerns are practically irrelevant. And the health concerns, sadly, cannot be responsibly ignored. Free love just ain’t a viable option.
I’d be much more accepting of it if I was getting any. But I’m not, so I am jealous and therefore don’t like it.
Fine, did some of it back in my single days.
But it has complications…pregnancy and STDs have been mentioned - more likely is that its hard for two people to have the same level of casualness in casual sex. I know more than one person who got really hurt when their bed buddy found a boyfriend/girlfriend. Sex changes things between friends…and between strangers what one sees as a casual hookup the other could be seeing as a real connection.
Casual sex is OK under the right circumstances IMHO.
I agree with how Johnny L.A. defined things and I have to admit I have done all three. I had one casual encounter with a guy I met in a bar - not proud of it but I don’t regret it either. It made me realise that that wasn’t me. I have been in a long term relationship which broke up in a nasty way and pretty much put me off that for life as well. Just recently I fell into a fuck-buddy relationship with a long term friend. We hang out in the same group and we have had the “this is all it is” conversation. Condom’s are used, I am on BC neither of us has the time or the inclination for anything else. It works.
Plus after 6 years I am finally getting some!
Casual sex?
If you’re into it, more power to you, though for Og’s sake be careful.
As for me, well, I know I don’t really fit into the common “hook-up” scene. But put me on a low-key, low-pressure scenario and I may mellow out enough to go with the flow, without expecting it has to be part of Something Greater Than Ourselves[sup]TM[/sup], if a comfort zone has developed around the person/circumstances. Besides I know I will not spontaneously combust or grow a second head if I do without for a while until I’m in that comfort zone.
And as mentioned by others, make sure both parties know EXACTLY what each is getting from it. If things are unclear I have no shame in folding and walking away from the table. I ain’t got the time for dealing with boiled bunnyrabbits later.
As long as the people are safe, and both are happy and don’t harm each other, then to each his own.
But personally I can’t have casual sex. When I’m having sex, it can’t just be with my body. They have to have sex with my body, my mind and my heart. So when you hit the Big O, then ooooooo child ! fans self It just feels that much more satisfying! I think I may have to give the SO some lovin tonight! Hehe got myself all worked up!
I was a big proponent of casual sex back when I was between wives. When I hit my 30’s, things were going quite well in that department. For some of the women it was fine and dandy, when we stopped we were cool. Some freaked out, and some assumed we were more than just friends-with-bennies and wanted more. It depended on their maturity level and what was happening in their lives and my life when we stopped. But my last casual sex fling ended in absolute disaster. We got married.
Hm. A couple of people like my definitions. Now if only I could put them into practice…
Yeah, that’s the best way. sigh
Naturally sex within a relationship is better… but I’d rather have casual sex than none at all in between GFs ! My “fuckbuddy” is a friend I’ve known some time… so its not like a “stranger”.
In fact the biggest hang up is getting a girl to feel attached when I’ve been clear about the “casual” part. Any tips on that ?
Heh. That was always the part I hated. If I sensed things were headed that way, all extra-curicular activities, as they were, ended. Which was a shame, because a few of them were very, very good at what they did.
I can say, though, that the mature men with whom I’d cultivated such a friendship, were just, well, honest with me. They told me how much they liked spending time with me, how much they thought we had in common and that they’d like us to start getting more serious. Once, things ended very disastrously. He became damn near stalker-like after I turned him down. Not cool. I still chat with another one online and via email. We see each other (not that way; for lunch and what not) about twice a year. Actually, he’s getting married next month. I’m very happy for him.
The immature ones would always say something along the lines of they wanted me all to themselves. Whatever you do, don’t take that approach.
Do you guys do a lot of stuff that’s not related to sex? If not, that might be a good place to start. Take her to a nice restaurant first or just encourage more conversation between the two of you.
Casual sex was always fun for me. I think if two people are consenting adults, then it ain’t nobody else’s bidness.
And boy if it isn’t nice not to have someone hanging around the next morning. Darn relationships, they always want to stay the night.