You could get Charlie Chan to solve this for you. Number one son could help. But they’ll probably discover that the culprit is number two son.
Haven’t a Clue.
If the answer has anything to do with Miss Scarlett, the guy should see a doctor.
The rope and the revolver don’t bode well either.
The candlestick, on the other hand…
Where was SuperKapowzler at the time the deed was commited?
Just curious…
And shit.
The obvious just occurred to me: Start with a list of people the prof has given "F"s to recently.
Allow me to commiserate. When I was in college I lived in a dorm. My second year we had a guy who would shit in the washing machine, the shower or on the laundry room floor EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT.
This went on for about 6 weeks until a few of us were able to narrow down the suspects. Pretty soon it became apparent there was only one guy who had been there every weekend and who had been drunk every Saturday night.
The next weekend several of us kept watch. About 1:30 in the morning the guy went into the laundry room. We gave him about 2 minutes then went in after him. Sure enough, he was sitting on top of the washer, pinching a loaf.
We made him get up and clean it out. Then we threw him in the shower to clean off, let him get dressed, took him outside and duct taped him to the light post next to the volleyball court.
When I woke up at 7 I saw a campus cop car turning into the quad driveway and walking over to the guy. I went up to Al, the cop on weekend duty in our area and said, “Please leave him. He’s been shitting in the laundry room every weekend.”
Al laughed, got back in his car and said, “Don’t leave him there past noon, okay?”
Turns out Al filed his incident report and it got back to the dorm admin, who asked the kid about it and promptly booted his ass out of the dorms. Oddly, there were no consequences whatsoever for those of us who taped him to the pole.
We had a serial shitter when I was in college, too. He’d sneak into classrooms at night and shellac the blackboards with feces. The poor bastard was relatively easy to catch because he tagged classrooms in the same building two or three times. An extra security guard was all it took to catch him.
He wasn’t a student, just a very mentally ill person who lived in the community.
Ever see (or read) Flight Of The Intruder? There is a subplot about a Phantom Shitter who had been hitting targets all over the ship. At the time they are briefed about it in the movie, we learn that the Phantom Shitter managed to drop one in the Commander Air Group’s ash tray:eek: (in the book, he announced, via an anonymous note, that he would leave one on the fantail of the ship; he succeeded, despite a pair of Marine sentries being posted to stand guard. The identity of the shitter turns out to be very important to the plot of the movie (not shitting you here, it really was).
Now, in real life, at my first tech school, this happened in one of the female dormitories my second week out of Basic (Air Force). Word of this was escalated to the Sergeants, who proceeded to put the entire dormitory building (including the male wing) on Lockdown, which meant that they had formations every morning and evening (including the weekends), had to perform GI parties every night before Taps, had to have Latrine Guards posted (in Service Dress, IIRC) at all times, and if you wanted to use the latrine (yay community bathrooms), you had to get in uniform, report to the Charge of Quarters, sign in, use the bathroom, report back to the Charge of Quarters, and sign out.
Yeah, it was bullcrap. Don’t think they ever caught the person. A few months later, we had a Phantom Shitter strike in our squad’s hallway, and the squad leader told us NOT to let word of it get outside our squad or to the sergeants. Never happened again, never got put on lockdown (why bother the Sergeants with what is obviously an Airman problem, right? They are busy people, let’s not burden them further…)
cf. Batman Returns:
Penguin: “I was their number one son, but they treated me like number two.”
from the “cargoyle” definition on Urban Dictionary. I won’t provide a link in case it is considered NSFW, but really, if you’re reading this from work, it is no worse!
"*The deliberate act of mounting the hood of a car, squatting like a gargoyle and taking a shit on it. This act can either be performed in public or in private. The person performing the act must be still, as not to be noticed, but watching like a gargoyle. When done right, this can be absolutely hilarious.
Jake sat inside on the couch unkowingly, while mike dropped his pants and everyone laughed as he pulled off the infamous cargoyle on his Honda Civic.*"
Hmmm…I’m just wondering if it might be a team trying to out do each other? maybe roomies that started a stupid bet one drunken night?
You may well be looking for more than one person.
Also, perhaps you should look for either a bording school boy or an ex military academy type? The boarding school boys I knew were seriously fucked up!
I’m curious, did he fit any/most of the hints I gave above?
On the Russell, we had a Phantom Shitter. He deposited his ‘loads’ on appropriately-captioned 5x8 cards, left in strategic places about the boat. Never figured out whom the taunting turdster was, though we managed to narrow it down to… Oh, about a hundred possible candidates.
Update: there appears to be some evidence, and the admin are leaning heavily on a student a couple of their roommates. The admin appears to have enough evidence to call the cops, but is hesitant to do so. In the lunchroom, the gossip is that this is a felony and the person/student doing it is facing serious charges, including and beyond mere deportation.
Sounds like if he gets caught then he’s really in a shitload of trouble.
Felony Shit and Run is no laughing matter, son.
I was going to say fireman - they always blame clunky bunker gear - but, come to think of it, I know several Navy vets who remain proud of their serial shitterocity 20 years later…
Regarding the OP, there is actial psychiatric diagnosis:
The psychiatric (DSM-IV) diagnostic criteria for encopresis are:
- Repeated passage of feces into inappropriate places (e.g., clothing or floor) whether voluntary or unintentional
- At least one such event a month for at least 3 months
- Chronological age of at least 4 years (or equivalent developmental level)
- The behavior is not exclusively due to a physiological effect of a substance (e.g., laxatives) or a general medical condition, except through a mechanism involving constipation.
The DSM-IV recognizes two subtypes with constipation and overflow incontinence, and without constipation and overflow incontinence. In the subtype with constipation, the feces are usually poorly formed and leakage is continuous, and occurs both during sleep and waking hours. In the type without constipation, the feces are usually well-formed, soiling is intermittent, and feces are usually deposited in a prominent location. This form may be associated with oppositional defiant disorder or conduct disorder, or may be the consequence of large anal insertions, or more likely due to chronic encopresis that has radically desensitized the colon and anus. (cite)