Caucasian females, what's your first impression...

In My Humble Opinion
61

Well, I always keep what I think to myself, as should the people making rude comments to you.

But the truth is that I do immediately wonder whether the man is a fetishist, a misogynist, and/or a chauvanist pig. Unfortunately, this is because most of the men I have personally encountered who have relationships with Asian women fall into at least one of these three categories.

My cousin, who is European-American, married a Filipino woman within the last couple of years. When I met her, she did not speak to anyone until she was spoken to. After talking with her for awhile, I learned that though she and my cousin were not yet engaged or living together, she was already cooking and cleaning for him 24/7. She talked about not being able to do this or that because my cousin’s schedule was so busy that he needed her to do A, B, C, D…X, Y, Z for him. My cousin never asked her opinion about anything–she did everything he wanted. He is very self-centered and it is the family’s opinion that he married a woman he knew would wait on him hand-and-foot. Her family back in the Philippines worships him as a big, important American doctor. It’s pretty sick.

My friend’s uncle is on his second or third Asian mail-order bride. He divorces them when they “get uppity and all American” and stop being servile.

And then there was my (white) friend Maureen’s (black) boyfriend, who is an Asian fetishist and cheated on her with a long string of Asian women…majored in Asian studies so he could hit on Asian women more easily…and who told Maureen that he would never consider marrying any but an Asian woman. To him, white women are for sex only, black women are to have his babies, and Asian women are for sex and marriage. Are you retching yet?

These are the only examples I have encountered with people I really know in mixed race relationships with Asian women. So, unfortunately, there are a lot of ugly but all-too-real situations that come to my mind when I see such couples. Yes, I wonder. It’s a kind of prejudice. But I’m aware of it, and I keep my mouth shut because I know there are a lot of couples out there who do not fit this stereotype.

62

Q.N Jones: Yes, I have just finished vomiting. But my experiences are parallel with yours. I don’t think anyone should bad mouth you, it is just your observations which have shaped your opinions. Just like me.

63

Interestingly, I’ve heard the “you can’t handle a real woman” comment being shouted from a trio of black American women, to a black American man with his white honey. My opinion is less toward the stereotyped “submissive” behavior of Asian women, and more a territorial encroachment coupled with feelings of inadequacy: why did he have to pick one of them? Are we not good enough?

For what it’s worth, my uncle has a Vietnamese wife. I don’t find it unusual at all, but I sometimes feel as if I have to explain this to people apologetically. I’m not sure why.

FISH

64

Fish: First of all, I am thrilled your uncle has a happy marriage (of course you didn’t say it was happy…I am assuming it is). Does he treat her as an equal.

In my experience, as a single woman, that men are threatened by smart, independent women (I had a guy break up with me because I was too smart). Many go for the very submissive, demure women.

Maybe with a few women it has something to do with their insecurity…but mostly I have found it is the men.

65

Wow, sounds like many of you have never met a positive wm/af couple, too bad. Good to see dopers express their opinions without being jumped on for racism, besides I asked for it, so both barrels please:D . Just like to add, as one of the gay dopers in another thread put it(don’t remember who or where so everybody gets credit!) "There is no lifestyle, now repeat, repeat, repeat untill you get it right,"or words to that effect. Meaning, I dont fetishize my wife(she wishes :wink: ). My wife is very outspoken publically and privately, we share household and baby duties, she would have gotten a work visa whether we married or not and our life is not (unfortunately)a constant steamy interacial sexcapade. Oh yeah, and a gong dosen’t sound every time she enters a room(strangely dissapointing), with my immaculately pressed trousers. We love each other and I count myself lucky to have found that even if it means having to put up with some dumbass opinions and comments(please, I’ve already been to the pit once this week, this is addressed at noone in particular)about our relationship.

66

Wow! I’ve heard the binary version countless times: white women/black women/men, etc. are for sex, black women/white women/women etc. are for marraige, but I didn’t know there could be three dimensions. Well, at least he knows what he wants. That was my morbid laugh for the day.

67

Just checking in here to say I’m one of the people who wouldn’t have thought anything about it at all.

But, long years ago, as a teenager, I had a friend. She liked to drive around and make nasty comments at people. She preferred folks who obviously (in her opinion) had something wrong with them–wearing a bad wig, crippled. But she could find fault with anybody and loved to yell things out of the car at them and then drive away. Presumably she grew up–I don’t know. We sorta drifted apart.

68

Wow. It is amazing how people can justify these things.

If you knew a black male, and he commited a crime, would you then think “He’s probably a criminal” every time you saw any black male? And then try to justify that?

Q.N. Jones - you only know three wm/aw couples, and based on that you think these things about all of them? I am glad you realize that is a prejudice and don’t vocalize your feelings to them, but still… Also keep in mind that asians make up a very large percentage of colleges, and MANY more relationships start there than as mail order brides. I mean really, aren’t mail order brides pretty darn uncommon? If you knew a loser with a russian mail order bride, would you then think every guy with a russian woman was like that loser?

Sleepytime - I find it difficult to believe that you are in college and your experiences parallel Q.N. Jones. Honestly, are mail order brides a significant percentage of relationships involving asians in college? It seems that you just don’t like asian women, you don’t like how you perceive they act, and you are taking this opportunity to take some shots. I also find it strange that you say men don’t like smart women, when you have just said in a previous post that the asians you know in college are brilliant.

One of the worst things about these attacks on wm/aw relationships, is that they are an attempt to perpetuate the very things they are supposedly against. You keep talking about “only people who want submissive women like asian girls” and “only people who fetishize asians like asian girls” and guess what - you have just discouraged a lot of great people from dating asians, because they fear being attacked by you and your goon squad. Hopefully your well-poisoning tactics will not work on too many people.

Cicada - I have known someone like that too.

69

My wife’s also Chinese. If anyone thinks Asian women are “submissive” I cordially invite them to spend a weekend at the Crafter household. That will set them straight… :wink:

70

lessee here.
White American male, check.
Undergraduate degree in Chinese, check.
Minor in Asian Studies, check.
Speak fluent Mandarin, check.
Lived 90% of adult life in Asia, Check.
Speak intermediate Japanese, check.
Wife is PRC national, check
Daughter is PRC and US dual citizen, check.
Attracted to Asian women, check.
Studied Kenpo Karate 4 years, check

The above maybe shows I’m obsessive, but it doesn’t show I’m a wife beating pervert that only likes (bad media stereotype) Asian submissive females. Christ, I’ve had more sexual partners that were caucasion Americans than Asian. Plenty of those Anmericans (as well as an Aussie and one Englishwoman) that were far too submissive for my taste.

I read the above and I immediately think some racist dumbass.

71

China boy: I am in college. I am a senior English major. You obviously are not an educated person or you would realize that everyone everywhere has different experiences in life. I don’t understand your reasoning behind the you are not in college statement. If you are in college you should realize that it isn’t as open minded as most people believe, or at least not among the student body. But people in general need to open their minds and realize that our experiences shape who we are and the preceptions of all our experiences are different. No one should ever be ridiculed for what they believe.

They are very sharp but most would not show it to a man. I have no problem with Asian women, I have quite a few who I consider friends. And I have seen how they act around men and how the men respond.

I am happy for anyone who has a happy relationship…I think there are two few in this world…if you have one keep it. If you are in a relationship that is considered out of the ordinary, for God’s sake don’t take what other people think so seriously. You are not trying to please some stranger…and if you are then I think you have more serious problems than just your relationship.

72

China Guy you remind me of one of my lecturers - he’s Scottish but speaks Mandarin with no accent and my Singaporean friends who took his subject (Asia Pacific Studies or something similar) were absolutely stunned. One friend said to me “I saw him reading a Chinese book - a proper one! Up and down, right to left, back to front!”

When we visited Singapore, my friend told me to be on the watch for Saarong Party Girls who would try to steal Kayeboy away because they saw Caucasian guys as cash cows and status symbols. Sublight, my boyfriend-slash-accessory rates above Louis Vuitton - he actually buys me Vuitton, but two handbags cannot reproduce. If they could, we might need to reevaluate …

I asked Kayeboy whether he had a fetish for Asian women (actually I poked him and then asked him whether he had a fetish for Asian women), and he says he happens to like small, slender women with dark hair, which many Asian women happen to be. He did say that he disapproved of the shopping habit though. :smiley:

Us being all dominant and submissive.

Me wondering whether he has an Asian fetish. :stuck_out_tongue:

73

sleepytimebaby-“In my experience, as a single woman, that men are threatened by smart, independent women (I had a guy break up with me because I was too smart).”

What does men be threatened by smart women have to do with anything? Are you implying that Asian women aren’t intelligent??

I would think that most Asian women are DONE with college by the time they are 30, unlike some people.

74

sleepytimebaby-“In my experience, as a single woman, that men are threatened by smart, independent women (I had a guy break up with me because I was too smart).”

What does men be threatened by smart women have to do with anything? Are you implying that Asian women aren’t intelligent??

I would think that most Asian women are DONE with college by the time they are 30, unlike some people.

75

Nightime, I think you’re being a bit harsh. The OP asked for honest opinions and thoughts, and that’s what everyone has offered. They also realize that their prejudices are wrong, but I’m sure they’ll need to see more good examples of wm/af relationships to get away from thinking the stereotype. I doubt they’ve discouraged anyone from dating Asians; most people don’t go into a relationship, interracial or not, to please bystanders.

Although I see nothing wrong with wm/af relationships (I’m in one), I have known several guys with Asian fetishes and they do affect my judgment. It makes me uneasy that these men are attracted to Asian women just because of our race. Luckily, for each person I’ve met with an Asian fetish, I’ve met several others who are interested in the individual instead of just the idea of having an Asian girlfriend.

As for the green card thing, I’ve seen plenty of young Vietnamese women who marry men visiting Vietnam just to come over here. It doesn’t seem to matter what race the man is; it all works out for the girl if he falls for her. Too often, I’ve seen middle-aged married men go to Vietnam, meet someone, divorce their wives, and marry the girl from Vietnam, only to have her file for divorce as early as she can without getting kicked out of the country.

I don’t fret over wm/af couples, but I do wonder about any relationship in which the Asian female is a good deal younger than her husband and seems to be new to the country.

76

You’re right.

I guess I just had a hard time believing their experiences could be so different from mine, since I don’t know any mail-order brides or even military wives from overseas, but I do know quite a few asian women in school, and they have been very intelligent and do not project the “helpless woman” image being ascribed to them.

After some thought I realize that people who have had other experiences, but realize that it is a bad prejudice, are not the same people shouting insults from moving cars, so I apologize.

77

I know more than three, actually, but most of them are paler versions of those I described, and I don’t know them as well as I do the three I talked about.

And I never said that I automatically thought that white male/Asian female couples were “losers.” I said that I wondered about them. Something like this:

“Hmm, John always seemed like such a nice progressive guy. I wonder if he’s with Midori for sick reasons, like my cousin Eric and Val’s Uncle Eugene and Maureen’s boyfriend?”

And usually I then think to myself,

“No, probably not. If John seems like a nice guy, he probably is.”

I don’t render absolute judgment based on my experience, but my experiences certainly come to mind when I meet new couples like this.

**

Actually, I do wonder a lot of the same things about all flavors of citizen/non-citizen couples (Russian and otherwise) because of some nasty situations I’ve seen during my volunteer work providing legal services to low-income folks. Again, it’s not an absolute judgment, but I’ve seen so many permutations of the following situations that it’s just ridiculous:

  1. Non-citizen male marries American citizen female. Fathers children by her. They divorce. Non-citizen male flees to home country in an attempt to avoid paying child support. This is usually successful.

  2. American citizen male marries non-citizen female. He expects her to be eternally grateful to him for helping her become a citizen, and for her to be servile and submissive, unlike loud-mouthed, feminist, liberated American women who demand their rights. Non-citizen wife starts to feel that this situation sucks, or American husband tires of her. American husband tries to screw her over royally in a divorce, leaving her nearly penniless. May try to get her deported if she is not yet naturalized.

Like I said before, I don’t pass absolute judgment until I know people, but it’s one of those scenarios that makes me go “hmm.”

**

This is absolutely right. Asian women are not all submissive, and the men who date them are not all fetishist chauvanist jerks. This is why I keep my thoughts to myself and my prejudices in check.

78

First off I worked for several years before I came to school. I was not ready at 17 (I graduated from school a year early) so after I finished finishing school I went and got a job. Good heavens Surreal get a life! Over 60% of college students are over 25. So hear is a newsflash: I am not all that unusual!

One of the most closed minded things in the world is to think that everyone’s experiences are the same. And then think that everyone has to think just like you or they are racist, backwards, etc. If everyone wants to be open minded then act like it! One of the greatest things about this country is that we can all disagree. If everyone thought the same it would be really boring.

I feel really bad for people who take the opinions of strangers so seriously especially about something so personal as their relationships. Who cares what someone screams out a car window. Just consider the source and that should put things back into prespective.

79

I just wanted to pop in with my own experiences. I’m in an unusual position (no pun intended) in that I’m dating a white girl while I, myself, am Japanese.

Lets see, my sister almost exclusively dates white/black men. She doesn’t find asians attractive but, when we spent 6 months in Japan, she did have a few Japanese guys attractive near the end of our stay.

I am also exclusively attracted to caucasion women although, like others have said before me, it’s rather hard to find white women who would find me attractive. I believe it’s a mixture of height (I’m 5’4", matching my GF) and maybe a status thing? I have gotten close to Russian Canadian, Italian Canadian and Iranian Canadian women but generally these kinds of women are few and far between.

My friend’s sister is Chinese and, again, only dates white guys (with a few tall chinese men thrown in). My friend who’s also Chinese is involved with a Jewish white guy. Come to think of it, all the asian girls I know except 2 are involved with non-asian men. All the asian guys I know are with asian women (this is where the 2 asian girls dating asian men come from).

I wish I knew why.

80

With all due respect, what are you smoking Ms. Engrish major? You need to work on comprehension.

I am trying to point out to your self-proclaimed limited experience that a) I speak Mandarin fluently, b) speak a bit of several Chinese dialects, c) speak barely passible Japanese, d) have a pretty good background in Asian studies/history/languages, based on all that why is it considered perverted to also happen to be attracted to women from that part of the world? Gentlemen prefer blondes is considered normal, but the second an educated man prefers an Asian woman he is a perverted loser?