I tend to be a bit suspicious, to tell the truth, when I see a the pairing. This has a lot to do with my upbringing. However, I acknowledge the suspicion, but try not to make any judgement calls on the subject.
As an Air Force brat, and previously enlisted, myself, I saw quite a few of the following scenarios:
American serviceman meets lovely Korean girl in Osan, marries her, takes her to the US, she gets her citizenship, she dumps him. There was a (distasteful) running joke about how Korean women would get jobs at the BX, make a little money and then divorce their husbands.
American serviceman meets lovely Korean girl in Osan, takes her to America and proceeds to treat her like shit. When I lived on Hickam AFB, I used to talk to my neighbor, a Korean woman who was married to a seemingly decent guy. Since we lived in attached housing, we could sometimes hear a lot of thumps in the night. She admitted to me that he beat her sometimes, but she didn’t mind, unless he beat her in public. This horrified me, but she didn’t seem to mind very much.
For every bad situation there were three great marriages between white males, asian females. The bad stuff tends to stick in your head tho, you know?
Yeah, as a white guy in Asia I see plenty of highly suspect couplings… Kind of in a bind though as despite tending to look upon such relationships with skepticism I can’t really see myself ending up dating anybody who’s not Chinese these days, just because Chinese is all I do. Um, I mean, eh, you know what I mean.
I, personally, wouldn’t think a single thing about it.
However, my parents have some friends whose daughter (a white woman) married an Asian man and they now have 3 children together. His family was completely against the marriage and barely acknowledge their grandchildren. Their whole beef was the fact that there Asian son was marrying a white woman. If my memory serves, neither of his parents came to the wedding.
In fact, several times they have referred to the kids as “half breeds”.
I never thought a thing about it until my mother mentioned it to me…I have always just thought what beautiful children they have. shrug
In general I don’t think anything about interracial couples except for the occasional pondering as to what kind of BS they have to put up with.
However, personal experience with a few men has permanently colored my view of the White Guy/Asian Women couple. I’ve had the great misfortune of knowing men who heavily fetishized the look of Asian women: dark hair, olive complexion, differently shaped eyes, slimmer/smaller overall build, as well as cultural tendencies toward more decorative femininity. These men seemed like generally nice guys, no different than anyone else until they started talking about women, and then they got downright creepy. I can’t even conceptualize wanting to have a relationship with someone based purely whether they fit thought a narrow “looks” window before I even say hello. That others do cheapens one of the best things about being human, and makes me really sad.
End result, when I see a White man with an Asian woman, I’m automatically thinking he’s got The Fetish and automatically think bad things about him. Sorry.
Much like the other military folk, as I’m Army, my first thought is “He was stationed in Korea.” That’s it.
I have to admit, though, that I don’t personally know any Asians at all. There were two guys in the barracks here a few years back, but I don’t even know if either of them are still stationed here. My next door neighbor was this sort of couple, though. I just figured they met in Korea and left it at that. I kind of avoided them until they moved away, but only because they were Christian Fundies.
I don’t think anything about it. But I was raised caucasian where a lot of anglos dated latins so I am used to that…to me it isn’t a big deal. I see a lot more predjudice from blacks and hispanics toward anglos in mixed relationships than the other way around.
I really hate when people ask me if I have a “Thing” every time they find out my girlfriend of four years is Chinese American. To me having a single girlfriend of a certain nationality hardly makes it an obsession anymore than dating a single blonde girl makes you some kind “blonde” pervert. I really don’t want to hear anyones opinions on the matter or any of their preferences in women. I’m dating a person not a freaking race. Whenever I’m asked if I have a “thing” I usually answer “I have a thing for all kinds of women, its part of being a heterosexual male” and leave it at that.
As for the comment on “fetishes” one can not have a fetish for any type of women. It is semantically impossible. Fetishes are focusing sexual attention on non-sexual objects or body parts. Women are sexual beings, and thus can not be non-sexual objects. Therefore one can not have a “fetish” for members of an ethnic or racial group.
non-native my advice is get out there and give it a run. Like I said, I didn’t “choose” my wife by race, we just met in class(we were both returning to college at an older age and just sort of gravitated toward each other amongst the younger people) I know the sexless Asian guy stereotype sucks, but I’m not exactly model material either. Getting shot down sucks, too, but unfortunately its part of being a guy. From your post I suspect asking out a white female is intimidating to you, kind of like me asking out a black or Latina woman. There was one particular African-American woman I was interested in school(the first time around) and it seemed like there was some mutual attraction, but I could never bring myself to do ask her out because I always felt like every dorky hive-fivin’ nondancin’ whiteboy stereotype around her. Looking back I think I might have had a shot. My point is people will surprise you.
I think there are plenty of white women who like Asian men, they just don’t get asked out alot. Just my $0.02 and some advice to take or leave as you like.
Actually, TitoBenito, I think that was the point, unless I’m missing the mark. White Ink was, in fact, saying that those men are objectifying Asian women. They aren’t thinking of them as people; they’re thinking of them as objects. Therefore, they have a fetish.
That being said, I don’t usually think anything about the whole WM/AW pairing.
To clarify, the distinct individuals I knew went out of their way to ONLY date Asian women.
From my perspective these men objectified these women as objects first and formost for their sexual gratification, and were in fact, dating a racial look not a person. To me, that constitutes a fetish. In each case, the personality of the girl was not relevant to the relationship. Who she was didn’t matter. That’s what creeped me out.
At this point I have met more men who fit the pattern of ONLY dating Asian women than not. (Meaning of the white guys I know who are currently in relationships with Asian women, most of them are fetishists).
White Ink – on the asian fetish thing, I wonder why it’s mostly white males who objectify asian women, and not vice versa? I mean, I’ve never known white women who exclusively dated asian men. You could say it’s a gender disparity, but if that’s so wouldn’t we be hearing from disgruntled asian women complaining about how asian men have a “white fetish” and will only date white women?
My advice to any asian men out there is just to go and ask out a girl you fancy, be she asian, white, black, latina, or green. Women love confidence and many will surprise you – they may be interested in you already but are too shy or assume you aren’t attracted to them because they’re of another race. I know lots of black women especially who are gorgeous and vivacious and who any guy would be lucky to date, but they don’t date white, latino, or asian men because they don’t think those men are interested in them. The men, for their part, are too insecure to approach them and so both parties go loveless. It’s a damn shame.
I don’t notice it. Many of my close friends and family are in similar relationships. I think it’s getting so common that within a few years interracial relationships won’t rate a second glance in a lot of states.
I am amazed so many people have these racist ideas about asian women.
Maybe it is age. How old are all of you who have these prejudices?
I’m 22 and in college and a very large percentage of the student body is asian. In math classes more than half the class could be asian. In math and computer programming classes there are far more asian women than caucasian women.
The old stereotypes are outdated. Far more asian/caucasian couples meet in college than in the military. I just hope that all of you keep your insulting racist stereotypes to yourself. If you just have to have a stereotype, a better one would be “he’s probably a nerd and met her in a math or computer class.” It’s not as insulting, and at least has a basis in reality. But it would be better to just not have any stereotype.
I’ve sort of seen what you describe, except that it’s asian (specifically Japanese) women exclusively dating white men. With some, it may be a sexual thing, but with many of the one’s I’ve encountered, they see a white boyfriend as a fashion accessory and something of a status symbol (I think we rank above G-Shock, but well below Louis Vuitton). In fact, a number of English language schools play up this angle in trying to attract female students.
I’ve had the misfortune of dating some of them. The typical warning sign is that she only want to see you if it’s to go somewhere with her friends, and you promptly get ignored once she’s had a chance to show you off. Luckily, these types are relatively easy to spot after talking to them for a little while, and they’re not the majority.
non-native, do you want just an asian girl, or are you willing to date anyone? if the latter is the case, get out and start asking. Rejection happens to everyone and often (especially me!), but you won’t date anyone if you ask no one. i have a few asian friends who chalk any rejection up to that they are asian, and get to the point where they don’t even ask anymore.
I’ve run across a few of the fetish guys myself–the ones who popularize “Asian” porn. For a while, for some weird reason, I was getting spam for “Asian” porn at a 5 email a day clip. Different sites, just all advertising “Asian women,” or, more accurately “Asian teens!”
Twice in my life I’ve made appreciative comments about men of Asian descent only to have women say that they “never found Asian men attractive.” One woman was white, the other black.
I sat one of them in front of a TV playing “Star Trek Voyager” and pointed at Ensign Kim. She was unimpressed, and that’s when I learned a very important lesson:
Nighttime: I don’t think it is racist. I am in college also and we have a very high proportion of students from Southeast Asia and something I have noticed is that most of them are very submissive and quiet. And most are absolutly brilliant. I have watched guys with them. They like the fact that they can take care of girls and that they know more (and in most cases that is not true) and they giggle alot. It makes men feel “manly” or something. Which is too stupid for words. There is also the getting an American husband slant. Fortunately, the guys who I go after are turned off by a helpless female and get their feelings of manhood by more appropriate means (ie, by being men)
And these are just observations. You should hear their comments about American women. It usually isn’t favorable.
I don’t think that necessarily holds because you’re looking for a reciprocal parity (is that redundant?). I don’t think that just because there seem to be a lot of white men that fetishize Asian women that it necessarily holds that there are a lot of Asian men that fetishize white women. I’ve never seen the evidence for that, at least not in my own area.
What’s more likely is that men fetishize women, but that’s a whole nother thread.