I’m another woman who does not want to change my last name. I have to admit, I lose some respect for women my age (in my 30s) who change their names. For example, I’ve reconnected with about 40 women I went to school with on Facebook and I can’t help but shake my head in disappointment each time I see that they have changed their names… and yes ALL of them have changed their names. I was even disappointed when my brother’s wife changed her last name to our last name. What sheep, I think.
I’m proud of my name. I have traced my genealogy back over 400 years and am proud of my heritage. My name is who I am, and you don’t change who you are just because you get married.
However, there has been disagreement on this between me and my boyfriend. He says he would want me to take his last name if we got married. I think he’s half-joking to irk me since he knows how important it is to me… But the main issue is that his last name comes from a man who he doesn’t know, who took off when he was young, who was never a father to him. We know nothing about his father or where the family name comes from. It has no meaning. It’s the name of some dead-beat man who never bothered to care for his son. Why would I want to take the name of such a person?
As for children, same issue… A part of me dies inside each time I see a child born and given only the father’s last name. No way will someone come out of my body and not have my last name (or, actually, a hyphenated or 2-part last name).
To answer corkboard’s question, it’s simple - address mail to:
In my next life I’m going to marry a man who is willing to select a new name for us as a couple – something whimsical like Butterly Auburn or Rain Jazz Wine. Or maybe we’ll be one for a while and then another.
But we’re not going to worry about offending relatives by doing this. They shouldn’t offend us about our names.
My mother’s brothers all have middle names that are the maiden names of the maternal bloodline going back. I am grateful that my grandmother made it easier to remember the generations of women!
I took irishfella’s last name.
My reasoning was this…
I didn’t choose my parents, I DID choose him.
My issue is that sometimes I’m Dr and sometimes I’m Mrs.
Obviously, anywhere where the medical degree gives me an advantage (emergency room, bank manager’s office etc) I’ll be Dr irishgirl, thankyouverymuch.
At the beauty salon, the hairdressers, the mechanic, and dealing with plumbers/electricians etc, I don’t correct anyone who calls me Mrs irishgirl.
I’ve posted before about how I didn’t like my maiden name. It’s Dutch, it’s two words and no one ever spells it right. I love my husband’s name because it’s easy, but not common enough that any movie stars have it.
I don’t see why anyone should care who takes who’s name. Whatever floats your boat, babe, ain’t no shame and ain’t no crime to feminism. Funny thing is my biological, uh, fathers name was very nice and pretty but I din’t get it.
Come to think of it, when couples get married perhaps they should be allowed to pick any names they like out of the blue. I think my ideal name would be Abigail Mercedes Alexandra Williams.
Drop the bolded word in that sentence and it stays just as true.
“Becausetheythoughtofwomenasproperty” is just this phrase that gets trotted out every time we have a discussion on changing names on marriage without, as far as I can see, passing through anyone’s brain on the way to the keyboard. At least, I’d love to see a justification of it, but no luck so far. Even a defence of the statement that women were generally thought of as property in Western society would be a start.
This topic, by the way was fairly recently the subjectof a notoriousOpinion piece in the local newspaper.
Apparently it was the dead tree paper equivalent of what “declawing cats”, “shoes off in the house - yes or no?” and “picky eaters - should they be allowed to live?” threads are to the Dope.
As are women in societies where they do not change the last name. We’re all sheep at some point or another, going with tradition without blinking an eye because that is what is normal for us.
I won’t change my last name because I grew up in a society where that is your name and your family, and the two last names are the families I belong. If I ever marry, I will create a new family, but I won’t belong to his as much as I belong to my own, so why would I take their last name?
I have an easier time understanding women whose dad or mom’s family has not been supportive and have not been well treated. In that case, I don’t think I would like a last name associated with them either, and would take up another last name.
To the others, I just put in the category of “weird customs I don’t understand” and leave it at that.
I was like this. My then girlfriend (now my wife) was offended when I told her that i didn’t expect her to take my name when we married and somehow equated this with my not wanting her to take my name. I shut up about it after that and just let her do what she wanted (fyi, I’ve since found this to be an excellent stratagem in other situations). My wife does use my name now (although it’s taken her years to finally change all her documents, accounts etc).
We’re all sheep at some point or another, going with tradition without blinking an eye because that is what is normal for us.