What’s black and white, black and white, black and white, and green?
Three nuns fighting over a pickle.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A nun with a strawberry jam habit.
A sunburned penguin.
A mushroom walked into a bar. “We don’t serve your kind here!” “Why not, I’m a fun guy.”
A horse walked into a bar. 'Why the long face?"
What is brown and sticky? A stick.
What is about a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
A skunk with diaper rash.
A yeshiva boy on his first date.
Why are pirates so awesome?
They just Arrrr!
My sister, who has two kids, tells me that popsicle sticks are a great source of bad kids’ jokes.
For instance:
Why did the window go to the doctor?
Because it had panes.
I’ll be here all week!
What happened to the illegally parked frog?
It got toad away!
What do you call the ghost of a dead rooster?
A poultry-geist!
And your words of wisdom for today…
Always remember,
You can pick your friends,
and you can pick your nose.
You just can’t pick your friends nose.
When boy2 was 7, his favorite joke was:
-
Know what?THAT’S WHAT!
-
(insert childish maniacal laughter here)
I never did get it, but seeing him enjoy himself so much was funny.
What’s a pirate’s favorite outfit?
His ARRRRRRR-mani!
Childish enough, but adorable/annoying as it was told by my cousin.
Hello? Ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say who was it he didn’t say nudge nudge wink wink He didn’t say! Hello? Ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say who was it he didn’t say nudge nudge wink wink He didn’t say! Hello? Ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say who was it he didn’t say nudge nudge wink wink He didn’t say! Hello? Ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say ya don’t say who was it he didn’t say nudge nudge wink wink He didn’t say!
He thought it was hilarious each time.
A piece of string goes into a bar, steps up and says “I’ll have a drink!”
The bartender says, “we can’t serve you- you’re a piece of string.”
Piece of string, dejected, turns and goes outside where he has an idea.
He ties himself into a knot, and rubs himself all over until he’s all disheveled. He goes back into the bar, steps up and says “I’ll have that drink now!”
Bartender says, “I already told you- I can’t serve you because you’re a piece of string.”
Piece of sting says, “No, I’m a frayed knot!”
You know what?
Chicken butt!
You know why?
Chicken thigh!
A giraffe walks into a bar and says “The high-balls are on me”
And a poem:
When your nose is runny
Do not kiss your honey
You might think it’s funny
But it’s snot.
From a long-ago issue of Boys’ Life (the magazine of the Boy Scouts of America):
Q: What did the snail say while on the back of a turtle?
A: YEEEEE-HA!!
Why did the egg cross the road?
…
It was so inclined.
What’s got four legs and goes “Boo!”
A cow with a cold
person 1: How do you get an elephant into a Safeway shopping bag?
person 2: I dunno, how?
person 1: You take the “S” out of Safe, and the “F” out of way.
person 2: There is no f in way!
person 1: That’s right!