A guy walks to the bus stop and he sees a man standing there with a banana in his ear.
Guy: “Did you know you have a banana in your ear?”
Man with banana: “Huh?”
Guy: “I said, did you know you have a banana in your ear?”
Man with banana: “Huh??”
Guy: I said, DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A BANANA IN YOUR EAR??!!"
Man with banana: “Wait a minute, I can’t here you, I have a banana in my ear.”
Q. What’s yellow and dangerous?
A. Shark-infested custard.
Q. Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A. So they can hide in cherry trees without being seen.
Q. Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A. So they can float upside down in a bowl of custard without being seen.
A man was out walking one day. As he strolled past the Town Hall he saw a janitor sprinkling a white powder over the approaches to the main entrance. He stops and goes to talk to the man.
“Hello there. What are you doing?” the passer-by asks.
The janitor replies “Sprinkling elephant-repellent powder. It keeps the elephants away, you know.”
“I’ve never seen elephants around here,” remarks the passer by.
“Aye,” says the janitor, grinning. “Which just goes to show how good it is.”
And finally…
Q. How do you know if you’ve passed an elephant?
A. You can’t get the toilet seat down.
What’s green, fuzzy, and has eight legs, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree on top of you?
A snooker table.
What’s black and white and red all over, and can’t turn around in a corridor?
A nun with a javelin sticking through her.
You can all feel productive for posting in this thread: yesterday, 9YO mudgirl had an extraordinary amount of homework. So I promised her for every solid 15 minutes of homework she did, I’d tell her a joke. It worked! She got through her homework with a smile on her face! 
And then there’s classic…
What should you do if you’re trapped in an elephant’s stomach?
Run around and around until you’re pooped out.
Ooo! Ooo! Tell it again!
Q: Why does marble feel bad?
A: Because everybody takes it for granite.
Look at that bunch of cows!
You mean herd.
Herd of what?
Herd of cows.
Sure I’ve heard of cows!
Q: What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A: A submarine.
Q: What goes “Clop clop clop, bang bang bang, clop clop clop”?
A: An Amish drive-by shooting.
Q: Why can’t little kids see the new pirate movie?
A: Because it’s rated ARRrrrrrrrrr.
Q: What is the main difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
A: The taste
A gem. I spit out my drink when I read this.
Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
Cause he was stapled to the chicken.
Know how?
Chicken Kung Pao
My favorite when I was a kid…
What happened to the Indian who drank too much tea?
They found him dead in his tea pee.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Aww, don’t be sad!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Izzare.
Izzare who?
Izzare a doctor in the house?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Mickey Mouse’s underwear.
Never failed to crack me up.
I used to love this one:
Why are elephants big, grey, and wrinkled?
Because if they were small, round, and white, you’d think they were aspirin.
Kid 1: Do you know the difference between chocolate and dog poop?
Kid 2: No.
Kid 1: Then I don’t wanna have dessert at your house!
And the other ------
Whats the strongest thing in the world?
A fart – even an elephant can’t hold one back!
What’s black and white and black and white and black and white?
A nun falling down the stairs.
Whats black and white and green and white and black and smells awful?
Two skunks fighting over a pickle
It’s my all time favorite! 
We always knew Cyrus was weird. When he was a boy scout, he’d help old chickens to cross the road.
Why did the chicken go halfway across the road?
She wanted to lay it on the line.