Anything’s possible though the fact that he’s already gone through two unrequited crushes on little girls would tend to point the other direction. In my tedious (to them) yet highly entertaining (to me) “let’s review the Sunday paper news” breakfast sitdowns, I have already had a brief “whichever way you go is fine with me” discussion with my son and my 16 year old daughter to exasperated sighs from both of them. But at least they know I’m OK with it.
I have already had a brief “whichever way you go is fine with me” discussion with my son and my 16 year old daughter to exasperated sighs from both of them. But at least they know I’m OK with it.
—Good for you!
Sadly, matt_mcl, there is no smilie that accurately conveys how hard I laughed when I read that. 
astro, it may no longer be relevant in your son’s mind if you bring it up at this point. But if it comes up again, just sort of make it clear that gay is good. And straight is good. And yeah.
Carry on.
It sounds like you’re handling the situation really well, astro.
I grew up in San Francisco. I knew gay people from when I was a little kid. I knew what “gay” meant when I was five, because my mom explained to me that some men love men and some women love women. It helped that she was able to add, “Like Bob. He has a boyfriend.” Bob was my mom’s boss, and he was always nice to me, and my mom adored him.
Low-key is the way to go.
Like others have said, I’m not sure I agree with this.
It seems stupid now, but when I first learned that there were gay men, I remember being disturbed by it. I didn’t want to hurt them, or force them to stop being gay, but something just seemed “wrong” about it. Now, the idea of any kind of sexuality can be confusing and disturbing for a child. I have no doubt I was equally disturbed by the idea of heterosexuality when I learned about it, but since it was the pervasive norm of my universe I probably got used to it before I could ever remember being revolted by it.
So I encountered sexuality, and then just as I was starting to get used to the idea, I encountered an aspect of it which challenged the conceptions I was just starting to become comfortable with. Hence… “Ew!” But before long, by the time I was a young teen, the homophobia was basically gone. I unlearned the revulsion and incorporated homosexuality into my sexual worldview, probably in a manner very similar to the way I came to understand heterosexuality.
I’d say that exposing children to gay people at an early age is the best way to make sure they don’t grow up being creeped out by them.
[hijack]
I actually had a very vivid dream somehting along this line.
I dreamt that my kids and I were at a Gay Pride Parade in Sydney, Aus. ( I live in Michigan and am not gay.) and that a parade of transexuals and what not just passed by us.
One burly man was wearing a wedding dress.
My son asked, " Momma, why is that man wearing a wedding dress?"
I answered " Because it makes him feel pretty."
[/hijack]
quote:
Children do not have innate predjudices. They’re perfectly accepting of most things in life until someone they respect, look up to, or wish to emulate teaches them that a certain thing is “bad” or “gross.”
I agree with this statement. If you show a child a picture of a gay man or woman and a straight man or woman, would your child be able to pick out who was gay? Could he do it if they were standing right in front of him? Would he be able to do it if they spoke to him? I believe that they would not be able to, nor would they care, frankly. Until a child is told what it is to be gay, I don’t think they have any idea. And even when they find out, if people would accept it in the way that they accept someone who has blonde hair or green eyes or an accent or whatever, and not make a big deal over it being “taboo” or “wrong” or “unnatural” or whatever you may feel about it, then I believe the child will be accepting of them. If they are raised to form their own opinions and not have others opinions forced upon them, the child probably would not care either way if someone was gay or straight.
astro, I think you handled the situation perfectly.
It seems to me that your son was testing your limits on a subject; he was trying to get a reaction out of you. He was also trying to prove his maturity to you; he demonstrated that he knew more about sexuality than you might have assumed, and wanted to see if you’d freak. You didn’t fall for it; you gave a classic non-response, and he dropped the subject.
That kind of interaction, it seems to me, isn’t a good opportunity to expand your child’s horizons. What you did in giving an unequivocal answer is make sure that you and your son have any number of opportunities to discuss this in the future. He knows you won’t freak out if the subject comes up; this means you now have an open line of communication about this. Now you can get to know what your son really thinks, and subtly influence him to examine any prejudices he may have.
Nobody ever changed their point of view after being sat down by a parent and being told sternly that “this is bad!” or “this is good!” However, exposing your kids to your own good attitudes, setting a good example, goes a long, long way towards making sure your kids grow up to be the kind of people you’re going to be proud of.
Mentioning gay friends you’ve had in the past, mentioning the different orientations of people in history and the arts, and making occasional comments on the current gay political situation are good ways to interject your position into conversations. Keep doing what you’re doing, in other words. Setting a good example, being someone your kids can look up to, will count for more than any sit-down father-son lectures. And, you won’t have to deal with your kid getting that “I’ve tuned you out, why are you still talking” look, which is always a bonus.
I also want to thank you for considering this to be an important aspect of your kid’s development. You’re making the world a better place for future generations of people like me. I’m very, very grateful.
What** MrVisible **said 
If you have already had the little ‘I’ll be OK if you’re gay’ talk (‘to exasperated sighs’ - that made me laugh, I can see it so well!), then you’ve already made your kids aware of what your opinions are on the subject. I can understand you not wanting to resume hostilities with your ex-wife over this issue, too. However, if the subject comes up again, it might be a good idea to ask whether or not his Mum has talked to him about the subject, and if so, you might need to clear up some misconceptions. He’s at the age where kids are starting to have sexual feelings of all kinds, and even if he’s not gay the odds are that a few of his friends will be.
My four-year-old daughter is constantly embarrassing me by pointing out people who are physically different. ‘That lady’s got dark skin!’ ‘That man’s so fat!’ But it’s not prejudice, because she doesn’t think it’s a bad thing, just different to what she’s used to. She’s just learning that people can have all sorts of different colour eyes and skin and hair and be all different sizes. I do tell her not to say it any more though (particularly the fat comments), because people don’t like you to talk about them like that, it could make them sad.
She doesn’t seem to have any conception of ‘gay’ and ‘straight’ at all. I don’t even think she really knows the difference between ‘friends’ and ‘special friends’ - she says her male friends are her boyfriends and her female friends are her girlfriends. She has done the 'you-show-me-yours-I’ll-show-you-mine thing with her best male friend, and I’ve seen her kiss a girl on the cheek too. To her, seeing her Mummy kiss a woman is no more unusual than seeing her Nan give her Grandad a kiss.
Perhaps I should talk to her about it at some point, but I don’t want to make it an issue when for her, right now, it really isn’t. I think I’ll broach the subject gently tomorrow though, just to see what her conceptions really are. It hasn’t come up at school yet, but it undoubtedly will later.
… to an extent.
LilMiss has grown up around many a homosexual person. From the time she was itty bitty, one of her best friends had two mommies. A coworker of mine that absolutely dotes on her has introduced her to his partner and she didn’t blink an eye. The list goes on.
However, when my coworker kissed his partner, she looked at me and whispered “eeuuww”. Thinking it was not the right time to discuss it, I asked her later what the “eeuuww” was about. She stated she thinks it’s weird for two guys to kiss. When I reminded her that I kiss her, I was told (with a deep sigh) “But that’s DIFFERENT mom!” The discussion of “love” in various forms ensued.
But, back to the OP, I would’ve done the “So?” thing. I try to get LilMiss to form her opinions, not depend on what others think. It’s a very difficult process.