Scab sandwich
Spit on top
ooooey goooey camel snot
crunched up bibles
dipped in glue
creamy diarrhea too
I had a sandwich
how 'bout choo?
(A key feature of the following ditty is that between lines, you keep the beat by drawing air between your teeth in a sort of nasty sexual way, then exhaling like you are fogging a mirror, twice each)
Step on a rock
let me smell your hairy crotch
all the cows go moo
you know you want some too
won’t your mama be disgusted
when she sees your belly’s busted
but don’t be ashamed
cuz your mama did the same
I think I’ve forgotten a few lines out of each one, and I’m sure we can all get on with our lives without them.
I saw _____ floating down the Delaware
Chewing on his/her underwear
Couldn’t find another pair
Just got bitten by a polar bear
Poor little baby died
And I also recall debating with friends whether this song meant the person being made fun of died, or the polar bear died because it caught something from biting him.
Suffocation, takes co-ordination,
Suffocation, new game you can play.
First you take a pillow case,
then you glue it to your face.
Go to bed,
Wake up dead, whoa-oh-oh-oh
Thankfully that’s all of the lyrics I can recall.
I remember one weird one, but can’t remember all of it. The chorus went…
Salvation Ar-r-r-r-my
Salvation Ar-r-r-r-my…
and then a line I can’t remember. Then the sung part stops and you tell one of dozens of lame jokes that all follow the same formula -
In my town, the women all wear grass skirts
BOOOO!!!
But the men all have…weedeaters!
YAY!!!
Then back to the chorus. All the jokes had to do with women wearing clothes of a particular material, with the ‘punchline’ being the men had something to remove them. The only other one of the dozens I can remember aside from the grass skirt one was that the women all wore paper dresses, and the men all had scissors.
This is a fun thread. I read a few of the “Glory, glory hallelujah” versions and it reminded me of a field trip I took in 4th grade. On the bus two friends and I made up at least a dozen verses to that, and were laughing our asses off. The best two I could remember are:
Glory, glory hallelujah, teacher hit me with a ruler
Hit 'er in the heel with a motorcycle wheel
and she don’t teach no more.
Glory, glory hallelujah, teacher hit me with a ruler
Hit 'er in the boob with a television tube
and she don’t teach no more.
When I got to sixth grade and the kids were all trying out cruder words, this was a popular ditty (to the tune of If You’re Happy and You Know It):
There’s a skeeter on my peter, get it off
There’s a skeeter on my peter, get it off
There’s a dozen on my cousin can’t you hear the bastards buzzin
There’s a skeeter on my peter, get it off
When my little brother was in 4th-5th grade, the kids sang:
Joy to the world, the school burned down
and all the teachers died
where is the principal, he’s hanging from the flagpole
with a rope around his neck, with a rope around his neck,
a rooope, a rooope, around his neck.
hi ho, hi ho
it’s off to school we go
with shotgun shells
and guns as well
hi ho, hi ho, hi ho
Comet, it makes your mouth turn green
Comet, it tastes like Listerine
Comet, it makes you vomit
so get some Comet,
and vomit,
today
I also remember that the end to the “On Top Of Old Smokey” song was:
I opened her coffin
she still wasn’t dead
So I took a shot gun
and blew off her head
Looking back on it, I think if teachers were as sensitive then as they are now, I would have been expelled many times over!
Talk about resurrecting ancient memories - this was one of our school songs:
Ta-ra-ra boom-de-ay!
We’re off from school today
Our teacher passed away
We threw her in the bay
She scared the fish away
They found her yesterday
Ta-ra-ra boom-de-ay!
Ta-ra-ra boom!
OHHHHHH! Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Mutilated monkey meat
Dirty little birdie feet
French fried eyeballs swimming in a pool of blood
And me without my spoon, boo-hoo!
On top of Old Smokey
All covered with snow
I saw Annie Oakley
Take off all her clothes
Along came Gene Autry
And took off his vest
And when he saw Annie
He took off the rest.
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord
He is tearing up the alley in a '57 Ford…
Suffocation, takes coordination
Sufocation, the game we like to play
First you take a plastic bag
Then you place it on your head
Go to bed, wake up dead, WHEEEEEE!
Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay
You’re in the family way
There was a boy next oor
He threw you on the floor
He said it wouldn’t hurt
He stuck it up your skirt
And then your tummy grew
Now you’re a mommy too.
Row row row your boat
Gently down the stream
Throw your teacher overboard
And listen to her scream
Eight days later walking down the Delaware
Chewing on her underwear
Can’t afford another pair
Two days later eaten by a polar bear
And that’s the end of her!
Ok, I’m not sure what dark corner of my brain these were stored in. Better question would be why they were stored at all, but here they are…
Arty Farty had a party, everyone was there,
Tutty Fruity laid a beauty, and we all went out for air
Push the buttons, pull the chain,
Out comes chocolate choo-choo trains
I don’t mean to be mean.
But you need Listerine.
Not a sip
Not a swallow
But the whole damn bottle.
How ‘bout:
She was comin’ 'round the mountain doing ninety.
When the chain on her motorcycle broke.
She was found in the grass
With the kickstand up her ass
And her titties playing Dixie on the spokes.
To the tune of the theme from the Beverly Hillbillies
I’ll tell you a story 'bout a man named Jed
Who went for a shit in a garden shed
But there weren’t no toilet roll
So out came Granny and licked his hole
Country Style!
I can’t believe I’ve only been on the boards a week and already I’m posting this crap.
Bang Bang LuLu
Bang Bang all night long
What will we do for a midnight screw when LuLu’s dead and gone?
Rich girl uses kotex
Poor girl uses rags
Poor old LuLu has to use a burlap bag