i learned the “miss suzy not really cussing” one like this:
miss suzy had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell
miss suzy went to heaven, the steamboat went to
hell-o operator, please give me number 9
and if you disconnect me i’ll kick your fat
behind the frigerator there was a piece of glass
miss suzy fell upon it and cut her little
ask me no more questions, i’ll tell you no more lies,
the boys are in the bathroom zipping up their
flies are in the meadows, the bees are in their hives
miss suzy and her boyfriend are kissing in the
dark as in the ocean, dark as in the sea
dark as in the panties that mommy puts on me
(make motion of lifting up dress)
woo!
i love all these songs…our fond childhood perverted memories.
Yes, but you’ve left out the words to the first verse:
“Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school
We have tortured all the teachers
and we’ve broken all the rules.
We’ve chopped up all the desks
and we’ve burned up all the books
and we’re proudly marching on.”
Chorus:
“Glory, glory how pecu-lee-er
Teacher hit me with a ru-lee-er
I whomped her on the bean with a rotten tangerine
and her teeth cam fall-ing out.”
Battle Hymn of the Republic is such a great song for these because the music is so swingy, yet self-important.
Children of friends of a friend were disciplined at their school (lunchtime detention) for singing “O.J. with your knife so bright/Will you kill your wife tonight?”
“McDonald’s is my kind of place.
Can’t find a parking space.
Hamburgers up my nose.
French fries between my toes…”
Casey, the Cowboy, all dressed in green
Caught his neck in the washing machine
There was blood on the wringer,
Blood on the ground,
Great big gobs of blood all around.
Casey, the Cowboy, all dressed in black
Went to the graveyard, never came back
There was blood on the tombstone,
Blood on the ground.
Great big gobs of blood all around.
Every Sunday at the boarding school I went to, we had to go to church and sing like little angels. Naturally, that brought out da debbil in us. We modified what was supposed to sound like a joyous refrain of:
Lord by your cross and resurrection
You have set us free!
You are the saviour of the world!
Very rousing. Snore. So imagine pews full of lusty faced girls singing:
Lord with your humongous erection
You have impregnated me!
You are the father of my child!
There’s a place on Mars
Where the women smoke cigars
Every puff they take
Is enough to kill a snake
Every snake that dies
They put diamonds in it’s eyes
Every diamond they put in
Is enough to start me over again
and
This is the song that never ends
It goes on and on my friends
Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was
and they’ll continue singing it forever just because
Sam, Sam, the lavatory man,
Chief Inspector of the Outhouse Clan,
Issues tissues, papers and towels.
Listen to the sound of the rumbling bowels.
Down, down, down beneath the ground,
Where all the poopies go swirlin’round,
There sits Sam, the lavatory man,
Scoopin’ up the poopies in his little tin can.
Here’s how I learned Barney: