i KNEW i shouldn’t’ve been eating my kittyfood now… EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! 
that said, i LOVE this thread!
Courtesy of my nephew:
Farted in the barnyard
Last night!
How did it feel?
Just right!
Who did it come from?
From you!
How did it smell?
Pee Yeeew!
That, my friends, is my favorite song.
oh yeah, my kid sister loves singing that song, only slightly modified, and with appropriate motions:
I’m bringing home a baby bumblebee,
won’t my mommy be so proud of me,
i’m bringing home a baby bumblebee,
ooh! it stung me!
so i’m squishing up my baby bumblebee
won’t my mommy be so proud of me,
i’m squishing up my baby bumblebee,
ew! it’s on my hands!
so i’m licking up my baby bumblebee,
won’t my mommy be so proud of me,
i’m licking up my baby bumblebee,
ooh! i have a stomachache!
so i’m barfing up my baby bumblebee,
won’t my mommy be so proud of me,
i’m barfing up my baby bumblebee,
ew! the sink’s plugged up!
so i’m plunging* out my baby bumblebee,
won’t my mommy be so proud of me,
i’m plunging out my baby bumblebee,
uh-oh! mommy’s home!
hey mommy? guess what?
(repeat)
*plunging as in cleaning out the sink with a plunger.
[sub]i can’t believe i posted that![/sub]
Ooo I’d love to hear it!
Here’s my contribution to the really vile songs,
Cocksucker, motherfucker two times a bitch
Mama’s in the kitchen frying red-hot dicks. :eek:
Brother’s in the jail raisin’ all kinds of hell
And sister’s in the corner yellin’ “pussy for sale!”
And then we have,
My Bonnie lies over the ocean
My Bonnie lies over the sea.
My daddy lies over my mommy
And that’s how they created me!
Here’s a little bit of blank verse:
Mr. Goodbar took Peppermint Patty
Behind the Powerhouse.
He put his Butterfinger inside her Milky Way.
“Oh Henry!” she gasped.
The result: Baby Ruth.
Somehow, this is cleansing. 
This is the only part I remember of this song…
Old McDonald sittin on a bench
Beatin his dick with a monkey wrench,
Missed his dick and hit his balls
Pissed all over his overalls.
Then their was the crazy old man from China.
It is fairly long but the only part I recall now is…
My mother told me to bury him deep
The crazy old man from China
I buried him deep, he stuck out his feet
The crazy old man from China
My mother told me to look in the sky
…
I looked in the sky, he spit in my eye
…
I can’t believe that this stuff is floating back to the top… like pond scum…
Here I stand, cock in hand
shooting flies off the wall…
now it’s soft, I can’t beat off…
it’s only two inches tall…
Hey! You’ve got to beat it everyday…
Hey! You’ve got to beat it everyday…
Yikes! I’m sorry to see how many of these sound familiar.
A couple of minor variations to those already posted:
Marijuana, marijuana,
LSD,LSD;
Other kids take it,
Why can’t we?, Why can’t we?
and from “Carolina”, courtesy of boy scout camp:
“Nothing could be sweeter than my peter
when I eat her in the Morning”
In college, I learned more “grown-up” songs. One of the fraternities had a chant like this:
“Ratshit, Batshit,
Pussy smells;
Cocksucker! Motherfucker!
_____'s give 'em Hell!”
and another, during which the loser in the game of quarters (or something like that) had to chug an entire mug of beer, finishing before the song was over, or doomed to consume yet another:
“Why was he born so beautiful,
Why was he born at all?
He’s no fucking use to anyone,
He’s no fucking use at all.”
“So, drink, chug-a-lug,
So, drink, chug-a-lug.”
“He oughta be publicly pissed on,
He oughta be properly shot,
and placed in a public urinal [pronounced with a long “i”]
and left there to fester and rot!”
“Bang, bang, fuck him!”
Finally, there was one with about a dozen verses, which fascinated me with its frank obscenity, but I can only remember a few lines:
“'Twas on the good ship Venus,
By Christ you should have seen us,
The figurehead was a whore in bed,
and the first mate was a penis,”
chorus:
“frigging in the rigging,
frigging in the rigging,
with fuck all else to do”
(Sorry for sharing all this.)
Damn it! Stop doing this to me!
And it’s:
Nothing could be sweeter,
than her sucking on my peter,
In the morning…
Nothing could be finer,
than to be in her vagina,
In the morning…
Hey, you young’uns, whatever happened to:
Marijuana, marijuana,
LSD,LSD,
Spiro Agnew makes it,
Richard Nixon takes it,
Why can’t we!
Why can’t we!
…I was in first grade for that one, so now you all know how old I am.
My son’s second grade class can’t stop singing this one: (to the Scooby Doo theme song)
Scooby Dooby Doo, took a poo
Shaggy thought it was candy
Shaggy took a bite, and he turned white
And that’s the end of Shaggy!
Scooby Dooby Doo, took a pee
Shaggy thought it was coffee
Shaggy took a drink, and he turned pink
And that’s the end of Shaggy!
…And, and old favorite in the “almost cursing” genre:
I want a man, I want a man, I want a mansion in the sky;
I wanna hell, I wanna hell, I wanna help some poor old guy;
And when the dam-dam-dam-dam-damage is done
Gonna have my child-my-childish fun
I want a mansion in the sky!
I wanna neck, I wanna neck, I wanna necklace made of pearls;
I wanna pet, I wanna pet, I wanna petticoat that swirls
And when the dam-dam-dam-dam-damage is done
Gonna have my child-my-childish fun
I want a mansion in the sky!
…must have been an innocent time in old Philly, if we thought we were being really naughty because we almost said (snigger) “neck” and “pet!” (giggle)
Also, for the record, we either “met her at the door with a loaded 44” or “hit her on the butt with a rotten coconut.” What’s the matter with you people? Get it right!
…and, one last one, from my nephew’s first grade class, about 10 years ago:
(To the tune of the “Barney” song = “This Old Man”)
I love you
You love me
Barney gave me HIV
With a great big hug
And a kiss from me to yoouuuuuu…
Now you have HIV too!
Well, lessee…
Whistle while you work!
Hitler is a jerk!
Mussolini bit his weenie
Now it doesn’t work.
The “death” song I learned went:
You ever see a hearse go by
And re-a-lize that you’ll someday die?
They put you in a little box
and cover you over with dirt and rocks.
The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out
The worms play pinochle on your snout[sup]*[/sup]
The worms that crawl in are lean and thin
The worms that crawl out are fat and stout
Be merry, my friends, be merry!
The effect is much more fun if you can figure out how to do it in a minor key. But that was much later.
[sup]*[/sup]My grandmother tells me the version she learned back in the 20s went “And you don’t know what it’s all about”. In any case, for years after I learned that song I could never sing that line without cracking up.
Marijuana, Marijuana
LSD, LSD
College kids all make it
So high school kids can take it.
Why can’t we? Why can’t we?
To the tune of This Old Man:
ABC! LSD!
Marijuana’s good for me!
With a knick knack shootin’ smack
Let’s get stoned!
This little boy/girl ain’t going home.
Of course, no thread of this nature would be complete without the classic end-of-year cuss song:
No more pencils! No more books!
No more teacher’s dirty looks!
When that teacher rings the bell -
Drop your books and run like hell!
Wow, I had no idea I knew so many. Or that there are so many I never learned.
Here are a few of the gems I remember:
Alternative lines for the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”:
Shot her in the butt
With a rotten coconut
and she don’t teach no more!
Skirting the dirty words–
Miss Suzy had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell
The steamboat went to Heaven, Miss Suzy went to
Hello operator, please give me number 9
And if you disconnect me, I’ll kick you from
Behind the 'fridgerator, there was a piece of glass
Miss Suzy sat upon it, and cut her little
Ask me no more questions, I’ll tell you no more lies
The boys are in the bathroom, zipping up their
Flies are in the city, the bees are in the par
Miss Suzy and her boyfriend are kissing in the
D-A-R-K, D-A-R-K
Dark is like a movie, a movie’s like a show
A show is like a TV set with underwear below!*
[sub]* I know this ending is lame, but seriously, that’s how I learned it.[/sub]
Clapping game–
See see my enemy
Come out and fight with me
and bring your monsters three
climb up my hanging tree
Slide down my razorblade
Into my dungeon door
And we’ll be enemies
Forever more!
I even heard it in a movie once, but can’t remember which one. It goes something like this;
Little yellow bird, with a big yellow bill
Perching on my window sill
I led it on with crumbs of bread
Then I crushed it’s fucking head
Ring a bell, anybody?
Peace,
mangeorge (And this is fun.)
Somebody else here mentioned the songs you sing in college when the loser of Quarters or whatever has to chug thier drink. I remember part of one that went:
Why are you waiting?
Must be mastrubating…
But I can’t remember the rest. Anyone know this one?
Not dirty, but we actually learned this one in music class…
There was a boy and a girl in a little canoe
And the moon was shining all around
And they dipped ther little paddles in
They didn’t even make a sound
Said the boy to the girl in the little canoe
“Now kiss me or get out and swim”
Now you know what to do in a little canoe
When the moon is shining all-a
The moon is shing all-a
The moon is shinint all-a-round.
Geeeeet ouuuuut and swiiiiiim
What the heck! Let’s neck!
This is a charming little piece one of my friends used to sing:
Fuck fuck fuck a duck
Screw a kangaroo
Bang Bang the orangutan
It’s an orgy at the zoo!
When I was in junior high (also about ten years ago) a variant of this was a popular song among members of my volleyball team (hence, all the same gender):
“I love you,
You love me,
Ho-mo-sex-u-a-li-ty!
With a great big [grunt, accompanied by pelvic thrust] and a kiss from me to you,
Won’t you say you’ll fuck me too?”
sung to the Beatles tune “All My Loving”
Close your eyes
Spread your legs
and I’ll Fertilize your eggs.
and this one, which was sung as a bluegrass tune:
She was goin’ down the mountain about 90 miles an hour
When the chain on her bicycle broke,
She was rolling in the grass with the pedals up her ass
and her tits were playing dixie on the spokes.
(Barber shop quartet chorus on)
On the Spokessss
(/Barber shop quartet chorus off)
We had that one, slightly different:
“I love you,
You love me,
Ho-mo-sex-u-a-li-ty!
People think, we’re just friends
Actually, we’re Lesbians!!!”
I love that one! In fact, I could only remember a few more verses, so I went to a seedy bar and plied an old sailor with brandy, until we remembered them all.
Friggin’ in the Riggin’
It was on the good ship Venus By Christ, ya shoulda seen us The figurehead was a whore in bed And the mast, a mammoth penis
The captain of this lugger He was a dirty bugger He wasn’t fit to shovel shit From one place to another
Friggin’ in the riggin’ Friggin’ in the riggin’ Friggin’ in the riggin’ There was fuck all else to do
The captains name was Morgan By Christ, he was a gorgon Ten times a day he’d stop and play With his fuckin’ organ
The first mate’s name was Cooper By Christ he was a trooper He jerked and jerked until he worked Himself into a stupor
Friggin’ in the Riggin’ Friggin’ in the Riggin’ Friggin’ in the Riggin’ There was fuck all else to do
The second mate was Andy By Christ, he had a dandy Till they crushed his cock On a jagged rock For cumming in the brandy
The cabin boy was Flipper He was a fuckin’ n-ger He stuffed his ass with broken glass And circumcised the skipper
Friggin’ in the Riggin’ Friggin’ in the Riggin’ Friggin’ in the Riggin’ There was fuck all else to do
The captain’s wife was Mabel To fuck she was not able So the dirty shits, they nailed her tits Across the barroom table
The Captain had a daughter Who fell in deep sea water And by her squeals we knew the eels Had found 'er sexual quarters
Friggin’ in the Riggin’ Friggin’ in the Riggin’ Friggin’ in the Riggin’ There was fuck all else to do Friggin’ in the Riggin’…
I think the Sex pistols covered it, once, on ‘The Rock and Roll Swindle’, I think.
He’s Popeye the sailor man,
he lives in a garbage can.
He turned on the heater
and burned up his peter,
He’s Popeye the sailor man!
Toot toot!
Beans, beans,
the musical fruit.
The more you eat,
the more you toot.
The more you toot,
the better you feel,
So let’s have beans for every meal.
A female friend taught this one to me:
Does your clit hang low,
does it wobble to and fro,
can you tie it in a knot,
can you tie it in a bow?
Can you throwitoveryourshoulder
like a continental soldier,
does your clit…hang…low!