Chocolate chips and the Den Mother

The Girls Scouts were sitting at a little table, in front of the market, but I didn’t pay them much heed. I had to pick up something and get back to work as quickly as possible. In my haste, it slipped my mind that I’d also intended to pick up some kind of snack for a meeting coming up. Walking out, I caught sight of their table, and approached them.

“Girl Scout cookies?” they called to me. It crossed my mind that they might have tried a better pitch—and it wouldn’t have hurt to say “sir.” I looked at the time on my phone, and looked at their feeble setup. They had stacked some boxes, and were passing the time with a game that seemed a little childish for their age.

“Hmm.” I stepped up and got a better look at the boxes. “What kinds do you have?” 

They rattled off the names of their wares as though they were common, household foods—as though I’d know exactly what the silly terms referred to. 

“I’ll just see what they look like.” I picked up one box, and it showed, between the idyllic scenes of wholesome girls doing whatever Girl Scouts do, some kind of ring-like biscuit with chocolate dribbled on it, and sprinkled with coconut. “Coconut?”

“Yes. They’re yummy!” the smallest one said. 

    “You’re kidding, right? That looks disgusting. I hate coconut. What else have you got?” I picked up another box. They were peanut butter flavor, and looked about as interesting as dog snacks. “It’s just peanut butter? That’s all?”

“Yeah,” an older one said, “It’s peanut butter cream inside.”

“Is it real peanut butter, or just artificially flavored?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t you think you *should* know, if you want me to buy some?”

“I think it’s on the box,” she suggested.

“Of course *I* can look at the box. I wouldn’t just buy some of these things without doing that. But the least you can do is know your own product.” She picked up the box and started to read the nutrition panel.

“Not now. I wouldn’t want those anyway. They look boring.”

“*I* like them,” she insisted.

I looked around the table. “I’ll just take three boxes of chocolate chip.”

“We don’t have chocolate chip,” the little girl said. Probably the only ones worth buying, I thought!  Just my luck.

“—They don’t make them,” said the oldest.

    “Oh, come on! I can’t believe that! Are you kidding?”

“I don’t think so. This is all we have.”

    “No wonder no one wants to buy your cookies. Who put you up to this?”

“Excuse me!” A woman was approaching. 

    “Of course!” I thought. “Here comes the Den Mother!” She was carrying some bags, and rushing to the table.

    “Is there some problem?” 

“Yes,” I said. “How could you send these scouts out without chocolate chip cookies? Do you just *want* them to fail?”

“Excuse me?”

“What kind of a business model is that? Really! It’s only the most popular cookie in American history.” I turned to the scouts. “She’s not doing you any favors, guys--”

“Sir, this is our selection. If you’re not interested—“

“And these other flavors? Really, who came up with these things?”

“Sir, I’m going to get the store security right now—“

“What are these coconut things? You know that Somosa was a South American dictator, don’t you? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Melia, please go get the officer in the store.” Den Mother’s authority was starting to unravel, I thought. 

“Don’t bother, Melia,” I said. “In fact, you know the Beverly Center? There’s someone there you need to see instead. Mrs. Fields is her name. You’ve heard of her, haven’t you?” I glared at the Den Mother. “You can’t beat the other troops this way, girls, believe me. You’re part of one American institution—you can’t just abandon another. How can y-” 

“Sir, I’m calling 911.”  Her voice was raised, and people started to watch. She pulled out a phone and was pressing buttons.

“Well, then I’ll wait ‘til you’re finished.” I spoke to the by-standers. “Can you explain to me why these Girl Scouts don’t sell chocolate chip cookies?” No one had an answer.

      At that moment, I remembered the meeting I had to go to. “Think about that, everyone!” Then, to the Den Mother, “You especially. Why can’t you just explain that to me?”

Can anyone explain to me why?

Flavors come and go from time to time, and the big sellers become standards. They’ve had chocolate chip, but it didn’t exactly fly off the shelves. Girl Scout cookies have to hold up to a certain amount of storage time and they have to freeze well - chocolate chip cookies just don’t lend themselves to that so well. People tend to prefer them soft and chewy.

I don’t buy that at all.

You wouldn’t happen to be a Den Mother yourself, would you?

… soooo… umm is ths a good example of how you interact in the world? Because… holy shit dude.

That’s the problem - almost no one did.

it’s all part of the conspiracy.

Why do you think they put flouride in the toothpaste? It’s so they can track you with the MLB satelite.

If chocolate chip cookies sold, they’d sell them. Why hit a market that’s already oversaturated? Most people don’t look at a multiple-dollar tiny box of Thin Mints and think, “I can get double that number of cookies, the exact same thing, for the same price if I buy the Keebler Grasshoppers.” But I suspect many people do look at a tiny box of chocolate chip cookies and think about how many other options are out there.

Also, last I checked (thirty-mumble-years ago when I was involved), Girl Scouts have neither Dens nor Den Mothers. :stuck_out_tongue:

I assumed it was a joke. I thought it was funny, and a little part of me hopes the OP did do it. It makes, “Are they made from real Girl Scouts” look tame.

Also, the fact that they don’t make chocolate chips IS heinous. It’s like the only cookie worth having. Especially considering that this is one cookie eater who despises mint.

Explain why you acted like such a jerk to a couple of kids and their Den Mother/Leader Person?

Nope. Can’t explain that at all. But you oughta be ashamed of yourself. Buy the cookies, or don’t. Causing a scene like that was very much not cool.

Oh come on, guys. I doubt he actually asked a girl if she knew her own product.

Same ones we’ve been carrying for the past few decades. Where have you been? Mars?

Did you just figure that out yourself?

Well I think you’re disgusting and I hate your ugly face. But since I’m only 10 and a girl I probably won’t be telling you that.

Wow, you are the quick one.

Who give a flyin fck. It’s a fcking cookie for f*cks sake.

At this point I’m not so keen on selling you some. If you want to know read the box. Go ahead, knock your socks off.

Whatever :rolleyes:

Well now we’re getting somewhere. Mr. D-bag apparently wants the non-boring looking cookies girls. Let’s bring out the exciting looking ones.

We don’t have chocolate chip. They don’t make them.

How do you spell thinmint?

How do you spell thinmint?

How do you spell shortbread?"

How do you spell chocolate ship?

You forgot the F.

You forgot the F.

BINGO!
Now take a hike before I shove a tagalong up your ass!

Next time, try the Tagalongs. Chocolate-covered shortbread with actual peanut butter inside.

What was your point in addressing the Girls Scouts? You had no intention of buying. You didn’t like the products offered. You requested a product that was not offered. You misrepresented the name of one of the offered products. You weren’t coaching them on salesman ship. You weren’t evaluating the value of the net profit received by their troop. You just seemed to be baiting them to confuse and frighten them.

I just assumed it was because pre-packaged chocolate chip cookies are an abomination.
I think I remember us having chocolate chip one or two years when I was in girl scouts (20 years ago!), but nobody bought the damned things. Why keep them if no one wants them? And I say that as someone who doesn’t fall into the “Samoas, Tagalongs, and Thin Mints, or gtfo” category of buyers, which seems to bemost of them. I like the lemon ones.

You’re obviously not a fan of *Everybody Loves Raymond. *If you were, you’d know better than to talk to a Den Mother that way. She could turn out to be “Peggy Hitler.”

So what kind of snack did you serve at the meeting? Rice cakes and anthrax?

C’mon, they add new ones every once in a while. I scored a box of something called Thank You Berry Munch (shortbread with cranberries) from the local moppets this year. Insufferably cutesy name, but damned yummy. The dried cranberries are tough, though.

Aw, come on, Dopers. Does no one have a sense of humor today? I’d expect this kind of harshing on snopes board but not here!

I picked up a box of the keebler grasshoppers the other day just to compare the two and I remember being surprised that they weren’t cheaper than the thin mints. I think they were $3.49 for a package and the thin mints were $3.50 this year and they have more cookies in the box.

I thought it was funny.