Cliff Yablonski Appreciation Thread (Oh Yeah, There's Profanity)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Cliff Yablonski Hates You

I first stumbled on Cliff through a poster on another MB, who would always use Cliff quotes as her signature. Such as “Archaeologists unearth a perfectly-preserved 20th century shithead.” or my personal favorite:
McDonalds: Next exit
Certain Death: 2 Miles

I wasted an entire weekend reading the archive, but it was an entire weekend of me laughing my ass off.

Nowadays I read the archives when I’m bored, or when I’m writing a paper and I get stuck. I go from writing sentences like “The imagery in the scene underlies a nascent sexual tension” to reading sentences like “I bashed that clownfucker so hard he shit an entire row of teeth into the toilet that night.” Cliff taught me that “mutant” is a really fun word to say, and it’s a pretty handy insult.

Some of my all-time favorites:

http://www.somethingawful.com/cliff/ihateyou/page-25.htm Top picture

http://www.somethingawful.com/cliff/ihateyou/page-55.htm Second and third ones

http://www.somethingawful.com/cliff/ihateyou/page-74.htm Last one

And many others that I’m too lazy to search for.

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Yeah, Cliff pretty much rules the world. I just found his archives about 3 months ago, and as soon as I got to page one I spent about 4 hours going through all of them.

“Mickey ‘Flaming Nipples’ O’Malley shows off his goods to the Ramada Inn housecleaning staff, hoping that they’ll let him stay an extra night for free. Why? Because he lives in a filthy fucking box in the alleyway outside Dairy Queen. Sometimes I walk by the box and piss all over it and tell Mickey that it’s raining. Then he comes out and I beat in his skull with a garbage can lid.”

“Why the glum look, Terror Banshee? Cheer up, those curtains you have stapled to your back really bring out the bloodlust in your unholy soul.”

OK, must go before I spend another 5 hours in the archives…

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Dammit, the above post is mine.