Confessions

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

  1. What’s wrong with Old Country Buffet?

  2. I watch the Spanish channel late at night.

  3. I swore I would like my kids music when I got old. I don’t.

  4. I’m a passive-agressive driver. (But it’s hard making everyone obey the traffic laws. In fact, sometimes you have to break the law to do it. That’s okay.)

22
  1. If I turn on the TV, it’s to watch MTV, VH1 or Much Music. I hardly ever watch “educational tv” anymore.
  2. I like Britney Spears.
  3. I like to eat raw hamburger.
  4. I do not like Ernest Hemingway or John Steinbeck.

Mike, I’ll amen that with my correction.
5. I like to intimidate “macho”-talking men (you know the ones “Aww, you’re just a woman, what do you know?”) by telling them I can fix my own car, sweat a pipe, work a chainsaw, drive a tractor (not a big lawnmower), own a Skilsaw and know how to use it, and was helping my dad roof when I was 5 y/o. And then proving it.
6. Sometimes I hurry through my work in the main office so I can get down here to my own spot and surf the Dope.
7. Sometimes, I write in my journal and wonder what an archealogist or anthropologist in the future would think of it.
8. I think toilet humor is the funniest thing in the entire world.

23

  1. The only time I’ve been able to stomache Shakespeare was watching the Flying Karamozov Brothers version of ‘A Comedy of Error.’

  2. I didn’t finish high school. Heck, I never made it all the way through my freshman year.

  3. I hate so-called chick flicks. On that topic, I find most leading male actors singularly unattractive.

  4. I’m female and a Cancer, yet I have all the nuturing instincts of a rabid wolverine. I don’t like children and I believe that if a grown man can’t work out how to forage for food in his own home, he should be forcibly removed from the gene pool. I dislike living with others.

  5. I loathe shopping.

  6. I rarely talk about guys or sex with my girlfriends. Our conversations center around chemistry, anthropology, epidemiology, finances, biology, physics, math, books, and family.

  7. I prefer ‘Sluggy Freelance’ to ‘Cathy.’ Heck, I prefer just about anything over ‘Cathy.’

  8. Music I can’t stand: Jazz, rap, hip-hop. I can take just about everything else.

  9. I refuse to believe that ‘The Magic Mountain’ is the greatest piece of literature ever written. (However, I do think it is worth reading.)

  10. I’m glad I’m sarcastic and rude.

24

I forgot a few:

A minivan is probably in my future…and I don’t mind

When I am a soccer mom I’ll be proud of the title

I’m really prudish about marriage & adultery (which is what makes my confession in my first response so shocking). I get sort of freaked out when married people flirt a lot outside their marriage. I devote overmuch time fretting about this

I can’t stand to feel any crust/boogers in my nose, which means I’m a somewhat aggressive nose blower (and sometimes even a picker) in private–I try to be dainty, but good lord I can’t stand an impeded nose!

Last week I let Cranky Jr. eat something that fell on the sidewalk outside

The person who thinks of herself as my best friend is someone I can barely stand

25
  1. I also like Old Country Buffet.
  2. I eat leftovers without heating them up. Not just pizza either. Pretty much everything.
  3. I hated “Catcher in the Rye” by J.D. Salinger. I thought the protaganist was a hypocritical, whiny, spoiled brat. I don’t care if that was the whole point of the book. I still hated it.
  4. I liked Hanson’s “MMM-bop” song.
  5. I think Yoko Ono is cool.
  6. I spend an absurd amount of money at the grocery store. I love to grocery shop and can almost always find something to buy there. I think I may have food “hoarding” issues.
  7. I have no idea what my mother’s phone number or mailing address is.
26

What a perfect way of putting it! I concur completely!

This is alarming and sad. I think you should try and let her know or something. God, I’d be mortified, but I’d want to know. Eek!

As for myself, I hated * Raging Bull and The Deer Hunter *

I had a secret crush on Robbie Benson.

I liked disco then, I like disco now. (Clarification: real disco, good disco, gay-bar disco, not that BeeGees slop.)

Aside from that, my life is an open book.

stoid

27

I know you’d never guess it but

I agree.

28

  1. I pee in the shower.

  2. I really want Bunnygirl.

  3. I’m teaching my niece how to swear.

  4. My doctor told me I needed to cut caffiene out of my diet. So I switched doctors (true).

  5. I’m pretty much an athiest, but also an ordained minister (www.ulc.org).

  6. I want Britney Spears. Badly.

  7. The Simpsons is religion to me.

  8. My CD collection has everything from Christina Aguilera to Gwar.

  9. I used to dress up as Wayne Campbell from Wayne’s World for money.

  10. [Inner geek alert]I named my cat Beru after Luke’s aunt in Star Wars.[/Inner geek alert]

29

I believe in miracles since you came along, you sexy thing. :smiley:

30

  • I don’t like any newspaper comic strips. None. And I haven’t read any in years. (This would be where you tell me to check out your personal, favorite one. Which I would do, and not like.)

  • I recently burned a CD I call Mild Cheddar (because it is mellow and cheesy). It features maudlin '80s power ballads, along with some tear-jerker country slow songs and songs like “Mandy” by Barry Manilow and “You Light Up My Life” by Debbie Boone.

I listen to this CD as frequently as anything I own, at the moment.

[sub](OK … I know I went over the line with that last confession, into the “I have sex with carp” and “I wear a butt-plug to work each day” confessions, that will now cause me to be ostracized.)[/sub]

  • I didn’t read “Catcher in the Rye” until I was 33. And I haven’t read “The Great Gatsby” yet. (Though I’m taking it with me on my vacation at the end of this month.)

  • As attendees of one of the Chicago DopeFests last year can attest, I own my own bowling ball. Two, actually. And shoes. And the wrist-straightener thingee.

31

I am finally cleaning up my house, and I found a skeletonized bat corpse clinging to the back of the drapes in my storage room. Yeek!

I was nearly fourteen when I sucessfully rode a bike for the first time.

I love jazz. All kinds of jazz.

I never have been able to stand Aerosmith, either.

I think I’ll suggest a trip to the all-you-can eat Chinese buffet to my husband this evening. Mmmmmm…

32

I too love Old Country Buffet.

And Jimmy Buffett.

My house is a total pigsty, but I’m not cleaning it up because I’m just too damn lazy.

I wear a Wonderbra.

I love Barry Manilow.

I know every single word of the Spongebob Squarepants theme song, because I freaking LOVE THAT SHOW!!

I am from Michigan, and I have never played euchre. And don’t care to.

Milossarian spent the night at my house.

33

GASP! Blasphemy! I can’t believe it! Say it ain’t so! And she’s still accepted in society? :smiley: (Euchre lover is likly one of my confessions!)

My turn.

I am spoiled. Like nothing else. I live in Oakland County, MI, supposedly one of the three richest counties in the USA. I live with my parents (it’s ok i’m 17) in a huge suburban house, where they buy me everything I’ve ever needed, inculding (starting next year a $27,000 a year college education and a car.

I am also in the middle of Yuppieville, and i don’t mind it at all. In fact i contribute to it. I work at Caribou Coffee (a large chain, not Charbucks size, nowhere near it, but a large chain, nevertheless. I enjoy seeing all the BMW, Lexus, Soccermom SUVs (taking over from the Minivans, Cranky), etc fly by. It’s kinda disgusting. sigh

34

It’s no wonder that Persephone and I are mythologically married, we have so much in common. But I can see I’m going to have to take her out to a nice dinner at Old Country Buffet, bring her home and watch Spongebob Squarepants with her to put her in a good mood, and then …

… smash all her Barry Manilow albums to bits!!

Then we can listen to Jimmy Buffett while I teach her to play euchre. I respectfully refrain from commenting on the WonderBra.

Further Plutonic confessions:

– I hate bathroom humor in movies. If it’s got Chris Farley, Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey in it, the odds are I don’t like it.

– I keep a mental list of songs I want played at my funeral. The list starts with “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes” and contains many Leo Kottke tunes.

– Sometimes I buy things I really like at the grocery store and hide them from the kids.

– I have a crush on Andie McDowell. Mrs. Pluto doesn’t mind, since she thinks I don’t have much chance to ever act on it. Little does she know.

– Ditto for Uma Thurman.

– Ditto for Rachel Weicz.

– Ditto for…Oh, you get the idea!

– I fritter away my time at work on the Straight Dope Message Board.

35

I haven’t read Catcher in the Rye or most books like that, even though I do own a few abridged copies of books like A Tale of Two Cities and David Copperfield.

I also have a small collection of Mark Twain books of which the only ones I read were Joan of Arc and most of a Conneticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court.

I own 10 LM Montgomery books (6 Anne, 1 Pat, 3 Emily) and have only read 5 (All of them Anne).

I hated To Kill a Mockingbird and got by in class only reading the first and last chapters as well as the trial scene and only then because we read them out loud during class.

I only learn enough in any class to get me a pass mark and understand the basic concepts. Ask me to go in depth and I draw a blank.

I love to role play and if I could role play with a good group all the time I would do it 24/7.

If I could be paid to do nothing I would accept.

I love gardens but I hate the work that goes into them. If I actually worked at it I could be a good gardener but because I hate weeding and often forget to water plants plants die on me. The only time I remembered to water a plant it was a cactus and died from drowning.

I’m 18 and don’t drive, I would like to learn to drive if just so I can have a car and be able to get away easier but otherwise I see no need.

I dislike people in general. Sometimes I find some cool people to hang out with but I always lose touch eventually because I am terrible at calling them and no one ever calls me. Maybe I’m not getting a hint somewhere…

36

To put these in context, I’m a 54-year-old, Anglo-Saxon, agnostic, straight, white guy.

I don’t care about professional sports, period, although I love to go to the grandkids’ games.

I don’t like the Three Stooges. I’ve never understood what’s funny about poking somebody in the eyes.

I love Red Green.

I walked out of Gone with the Wind after the first hour and have never seen the rest of it.

I like Dixieland and Trad Jazz, but hate progressive.

I didn’t like anything Frank Sinatra did for the last 20 years of his career.

I do like Kenny G., Yanni, and M.C. Hammer, and Jimmy Buffet.

I couldn’t care less about Rush.

I think Madonna is a moron.

I haven’t been able to do any constructive maintenance on a vehicle since I sold my ’53 Chevy Pickup, or wanted to.

I want a ‘Cute Ute’, like maybe a Rav 4, just ‘cause I hate having to climb down into my car, and I like the visibility.

Supermodels bore the Hell out of me.

I’m prudish about adultery too. I’m also homicidally jealous, and I don’t feel the least bit guilty about it.

I love my grandkids, but sometimes I just want them to go home!

I’m a social liberal and a fiscal conservative.

I boil my ribs in beer before I put them on the barbecue.

I’m so ashamed!

37

I frequent this board daily but rarely post.

I seem happy,and rearing to go to others, but most of the time I’m afraid to leave the house.

I,too, pee in the shower and think its funny whenever I do so.

I eavesdrop constantly but only to know whats going on around me.

My spelling and grammar is horrible.

I hate the kids today. I went to Kmart yesterday and saw a girl about 8-10 years old wearing a bikini top and teeeny shorts hanging out with a 15 year old. She was spouting words like “hell,shit,bitch”. I so wanted to slap her and ask her where her parents were.

I have a HUGE crush on a “trailer-trash” kind of guy who
barely acknowledges me.

38

Persephone said:

I second the notion that this is utter blasphemy. I believe Gov. Engler made that a capital offense. Watch your back. They’ll be coming for you.

Yep. And I won’t tell what happened, but let’s just say, it moved me to burst out into song.

39

Today I only did about 2 hours’ worth of work. The rest of the time I surfed or hung out chatting with people.

That last remark is particularly indicative of my slackerhood, because I think most of the people I work with are morons.

I spend a great deal of time fantasizing about winning the lottery.

I loathe female bonding. Just because we have the same chromosomal pattern doesn’t give you an unlimited pass to my soul.

The only film comedy I liked in the last twenty years is Groundhog Day.

I have no idea what women see in Russell Crowe.

40

I love hair bands.
And grunge bands.
And boy bands.
And music that is so country it hurts, like Hank Williams III, whose voice is so twangy it causes nosebleeds.
And sad, weepy country cryin’ lovin’ and leavin’ songs.
Mmm… Chinese buffet…
I have stolen table settings from fancy restaurants.
I hate chick flicks.
I prefer store-brand instant coffee to the real fresh-ground café stuff.
I like porn magazines. I think they’re funny.
I love my car so much that I would rather spend twice its original cost in parts and repairs, than sell it can buy something nicer.