When is it socially acceptable to start a conversation with someone? Particularly, with the purpose of possibly getting her phonenumber, or setting up a date or something.
I have a distinct lack of friends who could set me up with anyone (my friends tend to be girls, who are either not physically anywhere near, and/or have only guy friends), and I don’t really know how to introduce myself to a girl that I find attractive.
The main problem, other than not knowing what to say, is that it seems there’s not even an opportunity to say it. I’ve read opinions here before that people who are working are pretty much off limits (so no hitting on the coffee shop girl). The only situation that really seems to me like I wouldn’t be unpleasantly butting in would be if a girl were to make eye contact and smile perhaps (or better yet approach me). But it seems girls never go out alone. There’s always a group, or a guy, a conversation that I’m not part of.
I guess I’m asking this: Girls, when do you not mind a relatively attractive guy introducing himself?
Guys, what’s your experience here?
You may respond with any degree of disdain you find appropriate.
It never bothered me as long as the conversation seemed to naturally flow from cicumstances. If you’d just walk up to me and say, “Hi! I’m TheNerd. Nice to meet you!” It might strike me as a little odd and put me a tiny bit on guard. But, if for example, you’re in a long line at a resturant, you might ask the girl if she knew how long the wait time was, and depending on the response you got (friendly, with a smile, or short and uninviting) then you could gently work your way into a conversation.
Well, I’m not a girl, but I can tell you what has worked for me in meeting girls:
DON’T be a jackass - Groups of girls don’t like moronic guys who come over and start staying stupid things, or even worse, throwing things. (ie "We were on our way to a club and we saw a bunch of girls unloading beers from their car. The fatest, stupidest guy in our group walks over and is all like ‘duh…hey, can I have one of those beers?’)
DO just say ‘hi’ - Cheesy pickup lines don’t usually work, unless you are trying to be funny or goofie. Even the Joey from Friends “how yooo doin?” can be enough to strike up a conversation, except that EVERYONE uses it these days.
DON’T go up to a random girl in a club and start grinding with her.
DO go up to a random girl and offer to buy her a drink.
DON’T ask a girl for her number if it doesn’t seem like she’s interested.
DON’T hit on bartenders or waitresses or salespeople. It’s their JOB to act friendly and look pretty and they get hit on all the time. You can, however strike up a casual conversation with them if they aren’t too busy. (ie “Whats a good night to come here”, not “uh…can I get your number…haw…haw…haw!” )
DON’T try to impress them with your job. Most girls either don’t understand what your job is, aren’t impressed, or just don’t care.
Keep in mind, these are just guidlines. There isn’t any magic line to make a girl like you. You just go up, start talking and either she digs your rap or she doesn’t.
It is appropriate to start up a conversation whenever you have something to say–you need a lead in, like the book they are holding, the dog they are walking, the car they were driving–something that you can talk about. Otherwise, the conversation just falls flat.
One piece of advice: practice starting up conversations with people you aren’t sexually atttracted to: men, couples, women much older, etc. Guys that start conversations whenever they see someone with whom they share an interest send off the vibe “friendly.” Guys that ONLY start conversaions with pretty girls send out the vibe “horny”. Plus, talking to all sorts of people means you may make new friends, and new friends have sisters and cousins and ex-girlfriends galore.
As Big Daddy taught us, “Initiating the conversation is half the battle.” This is so true, and you ask an excellent question.
The best line to use on a chic is no line at all. Most girls can spot a line a mile away, and it only makes you look foolish. Unless it’s really funny and creative and it’s obvious that you know it’s a line, then it may be okay. This is hard to do, so I would recommend leaving that up to the really cool guys who hit on chics all the time.
Some people will tell you that you should just walk up and introduce yourself. I don’t think that’s such a good idea. Like Lissa said, this can put the girl you’re trying to meet on guard. The best thing to do is notice something that will give you you a good segue into a conversation.
For example, I was recently at a bar and saw this hottie drinking a pint of Guiness. Now, that’s not something you see everyday, so since I was drinking a Guiness too, I had to talk to her. So I walked up and said “I noticed you’re drinking Guiness. It’s not every day you see a pretty girl drinking Guiness, so I had to come over and say hi.” It went over well and we ended up hanging out that night.
A friend of mine used to go up to girls and ask “Do you drive a Red Volkswagen?” and if they said no, he would say something like “Wow, you look just like this girl I used to know who drove a red Volkswagen. By the way, my name’s Keith, what’s yours?”
In the unlikely event that they said yes, he would say something like “Cool. You look really familiar, like this girl I know who drove a red Volkswagen. What’s your name?”
I know it sounds silly, but it worked. This guy met more girls that way.
In any case, if you want to meet girls in a public setting, there are few things you need to remember:
If a girl is there with a friend, they are probably not oppossed to talking to you.
Hygiene good, bad breath, bad. Why do you think they call it “bad”?
Be confident. Every survey and poll I’ve ever read where the question was “Ladies, what is the sexiest thing about a man?”, Confidence was the number one answer.
Never, and I repeat, NEVER, EVER, under ANY circumstances interrupt a “Girls Night Out”. You’re just asking for trouble. If a girl talks to you and brings you back to a gaggle of girls, then fine. But never try to talk to a girl in a large group who are ignoring everyone else in the joint.
Don’t over do the cologne or aftershave.
Then again, you may not want to listen to me. I couldn’t score in a mortuary.
I can’t think of many situations where I minded a relatively attractive guy introducing himself. I might be able to add some if I went out to more bars, but from personal experience I can say:
Bookstores are a good place to strike up conversations. I was once browsing the psychology section of a Barnes and Noble when a guy walked up and said “So what’s your paradigm?” As a side note, I usually go to bookstores alone, so that eliminates the “girls never go out alone” problem.
The workout room at my apartment complex is another place where guys hang out. It has a TV, so it’s a natural place to say something along the lines of “Do have a channel you want to watch?” This easily feeds into “Oh, you watch that too?” or “Have you ever seen…”
This is all I can think of for now. Since I’m in college, before class or during class is always a good time, since it’s easy to strike up a conversation about the course. However, I don’t know how applicable that would be to someone who wasn’t in college.
My first love completely disarmed me with his approach. We were in a crowd waiting for the building to be unlocked for morning classes. He came up to me and said: “Can I befriend you?” We had about 15 minutes to talk that morning and we were soon dating.
I don’t think this line would work on me now, nor would it have been as effective in a club or in the grocery store, but it was indicative of his sweet, straightforward nature. I do agree that idle chit-chat is a good way to start, avoiding “lines” is a must, and being yourself is the most important thing.
…if an old married woman’s input is worth anything!
Thanks for all the answers, folks. Ballybay’s was closest to what I had in mind, but I appreciate all the advice.
I won’t use a line, because it seems dishonest, and fairly stupid. At least I’ve got 2-5 of Lexicon’s list already down (faking 3).
I guess I’ve got to work on having something to say. Or rather, recognising I’ve got something to say. People are so frustrating.
