Convince me to give you the power to teleport?

In My Humble Opinion
1

(Suggested by MeanOldLady’s post here.)

A recent industrial accident at RhymerInc has presented me with a slight problem, in the form of about a dozen spoiled personal teleportation units. These devices – shaped as rings, incidentally, but completed unrelated to anything hobbity – were part of batch of 2400 such intended for the assassin market on some Earth analog I’m too lazy to look up right now. Sadly, certain components were left out, and while the rings are still usable, they’re not suited for assassins, and to add the components at this point would involve destroying breaking the spell that empowers them, so they can’t be salvaged. Thus I am offering the rings to worthy Dopers.

Here’s how the rings work:

  1. You have to have them on your finger. Duh. And no, you CAN’T use other body parts, because that’s gross. But any finger will do so long as the ring is touching bare flesh.
  2. There’s no buttons or twisting or speaking aloud required; they are activated by the user mentally “reciting” a specific formula she or he sets up when first acquiring the ring.
  3. The user can teleport to any site within 1 mile, so long as that site is visible by the naked eye. (Looking at something via television or other video feed, though it eyeglasses/contact lenses are okay.) The user can get around the distance limitation by storing up to 6 preset destinations, which can be reached from anywhere in the world. However, to establish a preset you must travel there by ordinary means wearing the rings first.
  4. There’s no sound effects or sparkly-ness associated with using the teleport ring; you simply appear and disappear.
  5. It’s best to materialize in standing on solid ground and in open air; the mass of air is slight enough so that it’s just pushed aside. Teleporting into water is possible, but it hurts like a mofo. Teleporting into a solid object is painful death. The ring will warn you if your chosen destination is either of the latter (say if you were trying to teleport home from across the country and, unbeknownst to you, your house had been flooded) but if you are masochistic or suicidal you can override.

Why shoudl you be given a teleport ring? What will you do with it?

2

My answer is based on your explanation as to why they won’t work for assassins.

Will they not work for assassinations? Or is it just that you’re pretty sure that the restrictions as stated will make life too difficult for assassins to operate?

Because if it’s the latter, my list of soon-to-be-dead people should be damn convincing.

:wink: :smiley:

3

They’re just not up to what assassins expect. It’d be like selling swords that were not only dull but couldn’t be sharpened. Yes, you could still use them to bludgeon someone to death, but no self-respecting swordsmen is going to take one. Likewise, an assassin expects a teleporter with longer range, more presets, etc.

4

Gotcha.

Ok then. Well, as a self-employed just-starting-out assassin, I think I can work with those limitations just fine, thanks very much.

I’ll be sending my list of targets by pixie-mail. (Please don’t tip the pixies - they get uppity.)

5

I know this is a small, petty use, but this would mean I could live where I love and scuba dive where I love, which are unfortunately 2 or more very expensive travel options apart.

I could also use it to let me do overseas aid work without having to live in tents or leave my family. But mostly the scuba.

Otara

6

What other limitations does it have? Does it have a cooldown period between uses? What objects are teleported along with the subject? Worn clothing? Contents of pockets? Worn backpack? Held parcel? How is “the world” defined (e.g. Is the international space station out of bounds for potential presets?)?

7

Max’s questions are important. If anything I am holding is teleported with me, then I’ll take one and preset a couple of major hospitals with world-class Emergency Rooms. That way First Responders can summon me if there is someone injured in a difficult-to-get-to spot. I sky-dive, swim, or zip-line to them, grab hold and zap to the hospital, saving lives and all that shit.

Or I can just use one to skip my daily commute.

8

Can I go home to my family in India? Pretty please? I haven’t seen them in…seventeen years. Half my life. :frowning:

9

Skald, you probably know me well enough by now to know exactly what I’d do with such a device. I’d try to reverse-engineer it, since the knowledge gained thereby would lead to all sorts of other things.

Of course, you probably don’t want that knowledge spread about, so I’ve probably just talked you out of giving me one.

10

Um… not that it’s any of my business, but… I’m pretty sure that a device already exists, very similar to Skald’s teleportation device though not as advanced, that could help you. The trip isn’t instantaneous, but it’s not all that slow, either. From the U.S. to India might take about a day. It’s not a ring, though, more like a large metal tube, with wings, that go through the air.

I don’t know, just a thought.

(EDIT: OK, I’m sorry. I’m guessing there’s a good reason why you can’t go to India?)

11

Give me a teleporter ring and Megan Fox will fall madly in love with you.

ETA: Athena told me that would convince you.

12

You should give me a teleport ring because if more adorable puppies get in my way, I will take care of them in the most soulless way I can imagine at the time. With the ability to teleport, I can just zap myself away from the puppy before grinding it into dust by running it over and peeling out on its face or something of similar gruesomeness.

13

While it would be very nice to travel between my job in China and family in Michigan instantaneously and free, the real advantage is that I could commit any crime (not that I would) without worrying about being kept in jail. The lack of punishment gives me the ability to leverage governments to accede me certain liberties (e.g. no taxes) so that certain national treasures don’t disappear. It would also give me a permanent back-stage pass to any event I want to visit.

Besides my 2 home bases, I would establish another one in a tropical location TBD and 3 escape locations in remote, open places (like a desert) with little immediate danger and is easy to travel to a moderately sized city after a few 1 mile jumps.

How does the ring work with any mass I might be holding? I have to walk home about 1/2 mile from the grocery store carrying heavy bags and being able to teleport them would be a huge plus.

14

Some additional clarifications might be helpful.

Are the long-distance pre-sets good for one-way travel only? That is, if I jump from point A to some distant pre-set point B, can I also get back? (Other than by a series of 1-mile hops?)

Are there any on-going operating costs? Does it need batteries recharged or replaced? Does it wear out or run down eventually, or otherwise need maintenance?

If the bearer gets momentarily distracted or confused while mentally reciting the operating incantations, can grievous results ensue?

Can I loan or otherwise share this device with my friends on occasion (or even use it to acquire friends), or is it somehow bound to me for my personal use only?

How instantly does one get from point A to point B? And how instantly can one return? Can I violate causality? Can I be in two places at once, however briefly?

In de-materializing the user for transport, are back-up files kept in case of inopportune power failures or other catastrophes?

15

I’ll give you a hundred bucks for one of them.

Hey, it may not seem like a lot but you’ll notice I’m the only one who offered you any money at all.

16

Related thread

17

If he were looking for money he’d have asked for us to start bidding.

He’s completely ready to give it to us for free, just wants a good reason.

18

Are you seriously comparing a seventeen hour plane trip, with two legs, that will cost me over $1000 in airfare, that will give me severe jetlag, followed by at least a 3-week trip (otherwise it’s not worth it), so time off work, plus jetlag on the way back, to a teleportation device?

Nah, I didn’t think so. :slight_smile:

19

One ring would let me set up my retirement in style and have the added bonus of easy trips and quick escapes. With all that extra leisure time I could certainly provide Rhymer Inc with some volunteer hours creating mayhem.

Added bonus! My retirement plan requires that I leave Canada. One less Canadian!

20 
Unfortunately these won't solve your problem to  your satisfaction,  Mika. To get around the one-mile-and-in-eyesight limit, you have to  travel to the desired destination first by non-teleportational means  while wearing the ring. Thus you'll stop have to pop for airfare back to  India first (though not a return ticket). Sorry.

You are, nonetheless, entitled to a ring anyway, on account of being the defining member of the Short List.

Knock yourself out. Just be aware that magic tech tends to be – what’s a good word – explosive. Not to mention that the scientific method doesn’t apply well either.

Why wouldn’t I want it spread around? It’d spread chaos, and that’s half my brief.

You spoke to an imposter. You’re the one who desires Fox. She’s kinda gross if you ask me. Anyway, even if I believed you spoke to God, I’d have to conclude that She was warning me, not helping you.

I don’t actually like puppies. I just don’t kill them without reason. Not that kinda guy.

Technically there are seven presets, as one simply reverses the last port. You can’t change that one, though (and I can’t see why you’d want to). Anyway, I should think the very first preset you’d set would be “home.”

In theory, yes. In practice the batteries need recharging once a century, and the first maintenance check is after 1 lightyear, so you’ll never care.

Well, obviously. If you ignore the ring telling you that you’re about to teleport into a tree, what happens is grisly.

Fuck no.

Transport is not instaneous, just really fast – under a second, but still measurable. No causality violations, no two-places at once (though you could fake it for a sufficiently inattentive and credulous observer).

The rings folks like Mika and Chronos get obviously have multiple redundant backups to avoid death, maiming, and other crap. But they’re on the short list. The rest of you get A backup. Quantum imaging is expensive.

I’ve already made arrangements to loot most of your bank accounts in an emergency anyway. You guys should really sweep your computers for key loggers more often.