na na na na na na na na batman
The roads in New Jersey are now free of potholes and ruts but only because they were filled with old, discarded mine from days-gone-by. Its now a game of Russian Roulette when you go to the shops.
I wish to be a moderator on the boards.
You’re now a moderator, but you’re stuck on the Atlantic City Boardwalk (aka the boards) because nobody will drive on the streets in New Jersey to come pick you up.
I wish that the third Matrix movie hadn’t sucked.
ala Sonny & Cher!
You’re now a moderator, ** nocturnal_tick. **
In fact, you’re ** UncleBeer! **
Unfortunately, since he’s been shutting down so many of our precious “Predict the…” threads, the general doper attitude toward him has been cold lately.
Very cold.
In fact, several of us are planning to steal his own personal hamsters and train them to poison his mock turtle soup with pesiticides.
Sorry…
I wish I had a bodyguard.
Poof Your wish is granted. As a matter of fact, the thrid Matrix movie was so great, Keanu wins the Oscar for best actor. Thus subjecting us to a whole string of movies where he plays characters that actually require him to act and has as much success at that as he has in the past. Oh, yeah, and they make a sequel to Point Break.
Poof You do. Unfortuantely, it’s Kevin Costner and he follows you everywhere and performs his own rendition of “I Will Always Love You.”
I wish someone would take our two cats.
fwap Your two cats are taken… and replaced with two even BIGGER cats who scratch the furniture, pee all over the place, and shed 24 hours a day.
I wish I had incredibly good luck about everything.
“… Go-go gadget wish granter…”
You can read people’s minds, all right, but all at the same time, and you can’t tell who is who…
I wish I lived on a farm and a ranch.
Hey – what happened to my wish???
Must have something to do with your lack of good luck.
Oh, great. I killed another thread… 
Ok, you have incredibly good luck, but that means everyone else in the entire world has bad luck and so they all hate you, hence you becoming the most unpopular man on Earth, and when they all try to attack you, your good luck deflects all their attacks and they end up dead themselves, hence you soon becoming the only man left on Earth, who has to fend for himself, lucky huh?
I wish for world peace:D
ala fruit & creme starburst
World peace it is! Peace between all the animals of the world. Humans are still as argumentative as ever, though, and the animals team up against us and use us as thier doting slaves, and all the nations of the world are forced to forever serve the local wildlife.
I wish everyone loved me!
Bbbbbooommmm
ThreeCats Everyone loved you, they did, but now they keep ringing up asking if they can just be friends, coz your really nice and everything, but like the spark wasn’t really there…
I wish someone loves me.
Wazewski! Someone now loves you, but now they want to live with you.
I wish that I were President of the New York Stock Exchange…
Shamma-Lammma, Ding Dong
Somebody loves you! It’s me! Bad news is, I’m a third year freshman criminal justice major at a second-rate school with a 1.66 GPA, I have a LOT of body hair, and I smell…like almonds…and a rubber beachball. And I’m lonely.
(NOTE: The above statements are only mostly true.)
I wish I had all the powers of a genie without all that “trapped in a bottle, slave to whoever finds it” stuff.
poof you’re now a genie, but now, instead of being trapped in a bottle, you’re trapped inside a toilet bowl and no one ever finds you - have fun with eternity!
I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life.
Archen though you are a hairdresser with an unfortunate phobia of hair. What you really want to be is a lumberjack.
I wish I knew all the answers to all the questions.
Julie Andrews!
You know all the answers to all the questions. Now when any body talks about anything you interrupt them with lengthy monologs on whatever it is they were talking about, from Bee-keeping to Zoroastrianism. You lose all your friends and are driven into the wilderness by a torch-bearing mob.
I wish I could always eat free at any restaurant any time I wanted.
Ding!
The world’s your oyster (so to speak), but unfortunately for you, you contract Hepatitis A from a very dirty salad bar and die.
Just because it would appall the rest of the world, I wish for the American national men’s soccer team to win the next World Cup.
Bippity boppity boo
The American Soccer team (there is one?) wins the World Cup, but only because the Brazillians’ airplane landed kind of hard and they all ate each other before the pilot could explain that they hadn’t actually crashed.
I wish I could play hockey really well, but just as a hobby.
Sha-Na-Na!
And so you do – as you are determined to prove to your friends this winter, as soon as the local lake freezes over.
Unfortunately, the combination of global warming and industrial wastewater runoff leave the ice precariously thin… and you don’t swim well in ice skates.
I wish I could eat eggplant, squash, and bananas without gagging.