See my post #191 where I redid the corruption of John Difool’s wish. It should fit better now. 
Fine, I’ll do a do-over.
poof, you can now go backward and forward in time, but however far you travel in either direction, you will age by that much.
Excellent example of how the corruption function is supposed to work.
Thanks, tdn, you last wish has been brought forward.
To make tickets less expensive, both Boeing and Airbus design 3,000 passenger triple decker airliners, where passengers are stacked vertically in painful harnesses, and the food, a tasteless protein pablum, is dumped into your gullet via a plastic tube. There are no windows, but they do have Nicholas Cage movies (yes even Con Air) on the longer flights (viewable via headache-inducing 3D goggles).
I wish I had my own private transporter (a la Star Trek), with Scotty to operate it (since he can always rejigger the thingamajig, or something, to save my incorporeal ass if something malfunctions). That way I can say bugger to the airlines and their silly harnesses.
After Scotty is done, you now are a sapient ass. Sorry that’s all he could save, but at least your sapient. We won’t discuss what happens when you try to talk.
I wish for my bank account to gain a dime for every time somebody queries Google.
It is done. That dime is coming from the account a high powered attorney who proceeds to sue you. You lose every dime back to them, end up being prosecuted for theft and spend the next 7-10 years in prison. Also because you were involved in bank fraud, you are never able to have a bank account again.
I wish for a safe, effective, cheap hair dye that will let me change my hair color to the color and shade of my choice in 10 seconds and not cause any damage to my hair or person meaning I can change it as frequently as I choose.
You got it. However, everyone else on the planet is now bald, and you stand out as a hairy freak.
I wish I could find $5000 in real negotiable money that I could pick on the ground every day for the next 50 years.
Every time you use the money, the person wants to negotiate the price of the commodity. You end up having to pay a hundred times what stuff is worth.
I wish for all the rivers to effervesce in pretty colors for the rest of month.
No problem at all. Their effervescent hues are due to various types of organic and inorganic pollutants which have made them toxic.
I wish for one do-over when I need it.
OK, you get one do-over. After you use it, though, bad things keep happening to you, but you’re helpless in the face of the Universe’s hostility, because you used your one do-over already.
I wish my right pinky toenail didn’t always catch on my socks.
You no longer need socks for your right foot, because you have no right foot.
I wish I could never pay taxes again legally while maintaining a good steady nine figure annual income.
You’ve got it. Your annual salary from now on is nine figures. Even better, they are nine action figures. Your first paycheck is Skeletor.
I wish I could have time for a nap today.
They have a Julio Lugo action figure?
You get all the time in the world-a la Groundhog Day, your nap is caught in an endless time loop, so you end up sleeping for an eternity (from your perspective).
I wish Julio Lugo would go crawl into a hole and die, or at least stop playing SS for my Red Sox. And yes someone gets to replace him at the position, smart alecks.
And so he does. Now every time the Sox play, he crawls out of his hole, zombie-like, and eats another Red Sox player, who also turns into a zombie.
I wish that your wish had been about the Yankees instead.
I wish I knew what SS meant, in the baseball sense that is.
Then I could have another wish
You have another wish, but you don’t make use of it. The genie loses patience and leaves.
I wish I could eat whatever I want but maintain my weight at whatever level I wanted, while remaining healthy and fit.
Granted. I hope you enjoy exercising ten hours per day. You’ll probably lose your job.
I wish I had an all-expense paid vacation to Hawaii, lasting 6 months, with enough time to take off of work.
Granted! But Hawaii is due to have six months of hurricanes, monsoons, tsunamis, and eathquakes.
I wish I could find a job on Broadway between 40th & 50th Street in New York City, New York and a three bedroom condo on the Hudson River waterfront in West New York, New Jersey.
You have enough time since your position has been reduced to super-part-time - 3 hours a year. This works out fine, since all your expenses are paid while you’re on vacation, including house and car payments, utilities, etc. However, once you return to work, you schedule is still 3 hours a year, with the commensurate salary.
chowder, if no one’s told you SS is shortstop, a position in baseball, as per this diagram. Scroll down for the legend that explains all positions.
Annie X-mas beat me so here is her wish:
I wish I could find a job on Broadway between 40th & 50th Street in New York City, New York and a three bedroom condo on the Hudson River waterfront in West New York, New Jersey.
Granted. As a bonus, you’ll get to have lots and lots of sex, with a wide variety of well-to-do gentlemen. I really don’t see a downside.
I wish the people in the conference room next to me would shut up. They’re way too loud.