Congrats! You’re fired!
I wish I had gotten tickets to Burning Man.
You’re the main character in Shade. The tickets are in your jacket (in the closet).
Walkthrough if you feel like playing it.
Or if not:
You have tickets to Burning Man (in the game a fictional thing called the “Death Valley Om”). You go on a night hike and get lost in the desert.
The point of the game is to break out of the illusion that you’re still at home, and to die in the sand.
I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend who loved me.
Your friend (who’s a girl!) loves you like a brother.
I wish I was more talented and ambitious.
Congratulations, you are now talented and ambitious enough to think of many clever plans that will allow you to take over the tri state area.
Unfortunately, your clever plans are always foiled by a platypus.
I wish I could finish this certification course and pass the test.
[Moderating]
I wish you’d not use this as a vehicle for personal attacks.
A little trash talk in the context of the game directed at the last poster is fine. This isn’t.
No warning.
RickJay
Moderator
POOF! Congratulations! This certification lasts 30 days, so hold on to those textbooks!
I wish the nasty rain we’re having in Tokyo would turn to SNOW!
Which is green and glowing with radiation.
I wish I could move to London
Based on the most likely trajectory of this Russian missile you’ve been strapped to, you’ll be moving there after a brief stop in the upper atmosphere.
I wish my blood pressure was lower.
(in b4 ‘you are now bleeding to death.’ Show some creativity, people!)
How those leeches workin’ out for ya? Too bad we won’t be able to peel them off.
I wish I had gorgeous white teeth.
You have gorgeous white teeth, in your vagina.
I wish I was more creative.
You are so creative that the Secret Service really wants to talk to you about your work with simulated U.S. currency.
I wish I knew who was going to win the World Series this year so that I could win millions betting.
By coincidence, you are going to win the world series (of beer pong) this year! Congratulations. Getting someone to take your bets is your problem though.
I wish for world peace.
Humanity is furious at your genocidal end to all violence, as anyone contemplating violence against a fellow earthling drops dead. Fortunately, we have a solution: an extra-orbital torture chamber just for you.
I wish the post after this will be numbered 94.
(No surprise) It is. 94 just so happens to be the answer to the Question: the Question, having been answered, leads Deep Blue and the Brain Spawn to destroy the universe, their mission fulfilled.
I wish the next person who posts a corrupted wish without also posting a wish of their own would get slapped with a wet linguini.
I’ve heard that wet linguini hides a million dollar coin inside that the person gets when hit with it.
WOOOOHOOO, and I got it!
I wish I could beat Super Mario Brothers.
You do indeed beat Super Mario Brothers. Enraged, they assume corporeal form, emerge from cyberspace and beat you to death with your computer monitor.
I wish to die painlessly in my sleep, many years from now after a long, healthy and fulfilling life.
And not screaming like the passengers in your car.
I want to to have a perfect math mind.
You compulsively add, subtract, multiply, divide, square, square root, etc… every single quantity that you observe, every minute of every single day. You can’t have a conversation without analyzing the average syllabic count.
I wish I could get a good night’s sleep and still get all my work done, every day.