The Obersturmbannfuhrer complimetns you as the best-rested, most productive guard at Auschwitz.
I wish the Holocaust had never happened.
Your wish is granted; it’s happening now.
I wish the President would always believe I’m his most trusted and brilliant adviser.
You already do! That’s why the aliens with the scalpels are so interested in studying you.
I wish my head hair was as full and thick as my back and armpit hair.
His most trusted and brilliant advisor is a Cornish game hen – but she hasn’t been wrong yet.
I wish for Rick Santorum to get caught with a dude in a Turkish bath house.
Damn, corrupted the wrong wish.
The president of the Puppy Bowl League has the utmost confidence in you!
See above for my corruptible wish.
Well, now that you’re totally bald, it is just as full and thick. No more and no less.
I, too, wish for Rick Santorum to get caught with a dude in a Turkish bath house.
Bonus. He gets caught with you both.
I wish no one would corrupt this wish.
I and two of my work buddies worked together to do so.
I wish I had two hours more each day than everybody else.
You do, but they occur when you’re stuck in traffic.
I wish there was a Rent-A-Kitten stand at my campus.
There is. You didn’t specify that they had to be live kittens.
I wish that I had Christina Hendricks as a pet.
Too bad she’s not housebroken.
I wish for good things to happen to everyone but me.
Eveything you are or own which is in any way good or desirable has now been universally distributed or granted to all humankind. While compeltely wiping out all your positve uniqueness, this has the marginally good result of your gaining a sense of belonging within the group.
I wish that fresh lobster was cheap and easy to obtain.
It was 2012, the year of the Space-Lobster Invasion.
I’d like a thick, juicy steak cooked perfectly.
Many of us would like that, too. You didn’t say you wished for it.
I wish whoever perverted my wish would have a very, very good day.
I will, right up until sundown when the International Space Station will slip from orbit, plummet into a building, which will collapse just in front of a semi, which will serve, causing an eighteen car pile up, which will distract the person person parked next to me while she’s getting into her car, who will then ding my car.
I wish I could get off the phone to use the bathroom.
Your phone no longer works.
I wish that someone would corrupt this wish.
The moment you envision the wish, the genie makes you forget it.
I wish leggy supermodels found me irresistible.
Yes-so much so that you get your skull crushed between the legs of the first one you go down on (still, a rather nice way to go you have to admit).
I wish for absolutely nothing at all.
Here’s nothing: no house, no job, no planet to live on, no air to breathe. Good luck with that.
I wish, I wish, I wish I were a fish.
You’re on a platter with a wedge of lemon.
I wish I was omnipotent.