Congractulations, you’re omnipotent. You’re also incapable of blocking out billions of voices ringing in your head and the sum total of all universal knoweldge assautling your brain. Because of this, you’re catatonic. you can’t move, speak, communicate, or even process what you now know.
I wish that I could drink as much beer as I want and then be able to snap my fingers and sober up.
I call foul! 
Too bad the ability to snap your fingers is the first thing to go when you drink alcohol.
I wish Nigella Lawson would cook a meal for me.
Huh. Well, I’d think that the pain of snapping your fingers - or any other bone, for that matter - would already have a pretty sobering effect, but hey, you want it, you’ve got it.
On a related note, I’d like to be able to eat as much food as I want, and still maintain my weight.
ETA: Whoops - she will, runner pat. She won’t serve it to you, though. Bummer.
Looks like the queue derailed:
Okay; she’s cooked you a nice meal, featuring mushrooms she picked herself using “How To Tell A Mushroom From A Toadstool” by the late somebody-or-other as a guide…
Okay; any excess will go right through you, and need to come out at the most inconvenient times with no warning whatsoever.
I wish my cats would hang around me when I want them around and ignore me when I’m trying to do something that requires attention (instead of the reverse like they do now).
EDIT: Ninja’d with queue correction; never mind the first one.
The science checks out, I’ll allow it.
They do, but now you don’t want around ever and they run away and get killed by a wolf.
I wish I had secret mind powers.
You do, and fortunately it’s not as bad as the rest of the people in here who have sensory overload from reading everyone’s mind all the time.
You only read the minds of people close to you. You read all the negative thoughts they’ve ever thought about you.
I wish I had a nice vacation in the Rockies.
You also have the world’s worst case of altitude sickness.
I want Nadia G. to serve me the meal that Nigella Lawson cooked for me.
She trips over a pair of your shoes, spilling the spilling the food all over you. Then she slaps you with a dead, stinky fish until you lose consciousness.
I wish my car ran on water.
It did. But now it only takes super premium gasoline and boy are you pissed off.
I wish I’m not allergic to shellfish.
No, but the little (resurrected) buggers like to chew their way out of your stomach Alien-style after you eat them.
I wish I wish I didn’t squish that fish.
You say that as if it’s a bad thing. 
You didn’t. Instead, it squished you.
I wish everyone would just get along in peace and harmony.
Wish granted, lobotomies for everybody!
I wish that they’d release FreeSpace 3.
Your wish is granted as god gave everybody a frontal lobotomy
Free universal health care for all!
damn beaten!
They cast tom cruise in the lead!
Free universal health care for all!
There’s free universal health care for all, but it’s so expensive to Uncle Sam that taxes go through the roof.
I wish for a long, happy and healthy life in which I never have to pay taxes.
Enjoy your contented existence as a Galapagos tortoise.
Also, Freespace 3 is released, after being worked over by the team that did Duke Nukem Forever.
I want a cookie.
You have the mother of all cookies. Every website known to exist knows where you are, what you bought, etc.
I wish I had a flashlight.