“If you don’t want to be a player, don’t be a player. This game is for the people who truly enjoy the thrill of the hunt.”
I agree that that has to be the case, but doesn’t that also mean you have to be prepared to not care for any of the feelings of the people along the way. Especially when their hopes or expectations may be different to your “thrill of the hunt”?
That’s a good question, I suppose. I’d say it depends. The friend whose advice I quoted wasn’t out to hurt anyone. He was a fuck machine, but he was ethical about it. As far as I know, he never lied to a woman to get her into bed (He didn’t have to, the smooth bastard), and he didn’t chase girls. Girls chased him. In any case, his reputation was such that I don’t think any girl seriously considered him marrigeable material. He was just someone to bang for fun and relaxation.
Now there are certainly guys out there who will lie and manipulate women into bed, and those guys are bastards. Still, from what I’ve read and heard about the whole subculture, I doubt others would consider him a player. He’s just a rat who can’t get a good enough game going to get laid above the board.
As far as whether the whole “Playah” deal objectifies women, I’m afraid I don’t know enough to say. My friend was several orders of magnitude above me in the “getting laid” thing, and I was too shy and geeky for that whole scene. I could only sit back and watch with awe. Actually, I remember a lot of his friends doing that . . . but we weren’t jealous :mad:
You make it sound like there’s this whole formal “Playa’s Club” out there where members are judged by their ability to get laid. It’s called “being a young single guy who’s not ready to settle down yet”.
Basically how it works is that every Thurs, Fri, and Sat night, single people go with out with their friends to the various bars and clubs. They might hang out at one place all night or bounce around with the goal of drinking and meeting someone. Ideally you might meet someone who will go home with you that night for sex, but more often you might just exchange numbers and set up a date in a few days.
A lot of people don’t like this scene for a number of reasons. The biggest one is that they are looking for a fullfilling, long-term relationship and generally the people you meet in a bar behind a haze of alchohol are not conducive to that. The other reason is that they simply don’t like hanging out with a bunch of drunks who view them as a piece of meet.
It’s a hard lifestyle, both physically and emotionally. Spending weekends or showing up to work hungover. Being out until five in the morning. The potential fights with angry drunk guys who are pissed that they’re going home alone. Constantly competing with the 100 other “players” in the club for the dozen or so decent looking girls. Everyone looking for the BBD (Bigger Better Deal)
Anyhow, that’s the singles game.
A couple of quotes:
“With no guile and no game there is no girl”
-Alex Hitch Hitchens
“Who’s the biggest liars? Women the biggest liars. Look at you, your all liars, all liars, the visual lie.
You got on heals…… you ain’t that tall!
You got on makeup…… your face don’t look like that!
You got a weave…… Your hair aint that long!
You got a wonder bra…. And your tities aint that big!”
-Chris Rock
Well, not formal, and not just one club, but then again, not too many subcultures are. They have their own language, their own approach to the game, and their own goals in life. Not all young single guys who aren’t ready to settle down yet are players, and not all players are young . . . or even single, strictly speaking. But yeah, there’s a playah’s subculture out there, full of books, messageboards, and workshops to improve one’s game. And for quite a few people, spitting game is their whole reason for existence. They live their lives in the game the same way champion chess players live their lives on the board.
Not sure what the question or debate is. Can I bar hop to get laid? No. I’ve had relationships that were more sex than love and I’ll take romance any day. Bar hopping for sex is one step above buying a hooker. I’ve had women suggest a “fuckbuddy” relationship and it’s not something I’me interested in doing.
[QUOTE=Linty Fresh
Well, not formal, and not just one club, but then again, not too many subcultures are. They have their own language, their own approach to the game, and their own goals in life. [/QUOTE]
Yeah, I’ve seen that book at Barne’s & Nobel. I always assumed it was written for wannabe douchebags who couldn’t get laid. I suppose like anything else in this world, there are clubs and whatnot dedicated to it. For the most part though, the only “playa’s” I’ve met are youngish guys in their 20s and 30s trying to be cool with varying levels of success.
Sure, there are a lot of guys like that out there, but I’ve also met and befriended a few real players in my life (Rather surprising, considering my level of geekiness). It’s definitely a mixture of skill and art.
The Game, btw, is actually an interesting read, if a bit over the top. It’s one of those books I read over the space of a week hanging out at Borders in my free time. It’s not a how-to book, but rather a story detailing the author’s experiences learning the whole art of picking up women, what it led to, and how he finally became disenchanted with the scene, found the girl of his dreams, and got out of the whole mess. If you believe him–and I have my doubts about some of his wilder statistics–it was a trip, regardless of what you think about picking up women. I’ve come close to starting a thread about it to see what others thought, but I’ve never gotten around to it.
Getting back to the OP, I agree that you have to watch out for the other’s feelings and be honest up front with what you want out of the relationship (hot monkey sex followed by a polite goodbye), but I have nothing against it morally. It is a game. It’s really no different from the salesman’s pitch trying to get you to buy something which you probably weren’t thinking of buying before. That product might be really great, and it might help you out, even if it doesn’t permanently change your life for the better, but the sales guy still has to pitch his wares. He’s gotta give you the spiel. Same thing here, IMHO.
Oh, and I feel I should point out that I don’t, nor have I ever, actually tried any of this pick-up game stuff. I’ve always hated bars and clubs, where most of this stuff goes on, and I was too shy and wrapped up in my personal headspace to really chase that particular dragon back when I was young. I don’t feel as if I missed anything really important by not doing this, unless you count STD’s and unwanted pregnancies.
I still wound up with the perfect woman, so no regrets.
See I could never be a true “player” because I believe the ultimate goal is to find the one woman who is perfect for you.
Still, it is fun to be a bit of a cad or a lout every once and awhile. Lifes too short to not hook up with a girl in the bathroom of a bar, get a blowjob in a church youth center parking lot or get with two different high school seniors at a party who think you are going to college next year when in reality you just graduated;)
Girls want testosterone. The magical asshole potion is, was, and always be testosterone. Women want men who dominate, no matter what. The Game, The Playing is exactly the flourish, a chimp dominance squat and stealing the proverbial banana. In my experience that’s what most women want. Purely chemical, they want primal to turn them on. No fault of their own, just the way of the estro testo world. I’m a bad mate-- indecisive, sensitive, and submissive. Real women want a real man to the foil of their uterus.
One thing which I find is quite wrong- especially from the earlier posts- is that “the game” is for young people. Oh no- sex is not the preserve of the young. The targets may be different, and the tactics, but the thrill and the outcome is still the same.
And the difficulties. The final relationship is always hyphenated. Always qualified.
