Just to clarify. The OP and Poll is about beginning a relationship with someone.
A lot of factors are involved. Lifestyle compatibility, friendship, physical desirability and so on. I found the choice in high school much easier. Desire for sex was top of my list. As I grew older, less horny, and maybe wiser the other factors became more important. Compatibility and friendship mean a lot more than being super attractive. But, if I’m not physically attracted to somebody the relationship won’t work. That’s a pretty basic requirement.
There is a world of difference between obese and morbidly obese. There is another aspect. Among obese people, you will see some whose fat blobs just jiggle all over. Call me shallow, but this is just a sexual turn-off. The other kind, seem more solid and I could live with that up to a point. A woman of average height weighing well over 300 lb just could not attract me. And I’m not sure how to enter her.
If we are talking 32kg (70lbs) overweight … yes I have done, yes I would consider it again. I will admit that within the first couple of dates I did choose to do an activity that required fitness … and he was able to do that with no issues … therefore I didn’t feel it was a deal breaker. For me his attractiveness wasn’t influenced by his weight; I found him sexually attractive.
Morbidly obese where the person is unable to move and be active - no, I wouldn’t because that would not fit with my lifestyle. I also have dated a couple of men who were not obese but were very unfit and tired constantly - they were ruled out! I’ve met very “attractive” men and just had zero chemistry with them … I’ve got no idea what “my type” is … but it definitely is not defined by weight.
I have. Maybe I would again, but there are some things I would have to change from the beginning. Maybe if I get some drinks in me and get over this headache later, I will tell the story of my wife.
Voted yes. It’s not a plus, but I could see someone being to kind and charming that I fell for them anyway.
I don’t think voting no is shallow. Whatever (doesnt) turn(s) you on. However, I think being insulting to overweight people is absolutely unacceptable and not funny.
Truth. We like who we like, and we’re attracted to who we’re attracted to, for inner reasons that we really don’t have much control over. ‘Should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ doesn’t have much to do with it.
It’s one thing to say it’s wrong not to hire someone for a job because they’re fat, but it would be bullshit to say it’s wrong to not be sexually attracted to someone because they’re fat. We’re attracted to who we’re attracted to, and that’s all there is to say.
That.
And same thing for races. There’s nothing inherently wrong in being more attracted to whites than to Asians, anymore than there is in being more attracted to redheads than to brunettes.
I’m this fat. My fiance is also this fat. Our careers and preferred leisure activities are computer-based. We do sporadic outdoorsy crap–there are a lot of local waterfalls, gorges, etc. We both complain and need to rest frequently. He’s a bit more fit than I, but he has incurable shitty ankle. Ultimately, we are city mice who prefer the great indoors. Fortunately, what we have really works for us. He’s the guy I’ve been looking for my whole life.
While I don’t begrudge people who aren’t attracted to my “type,” I do secretly laugh at fat people who refuse to date other fat people. It seems like the ultimate form of denial/self-hatred.
So, to answer the question in a nutshell: oh yeah.
What part of dating is desperation though? Some people have this bizarre idea that fat people automatically click. You’re into what you’re into, I’m not sure who/what you’re attracted to is a commentary on your own self-image.
As I said above I’m attracted to women of all sizes but if I’m honest with myself, vastly fewer women of a normal BMI ever express an interest in me versus heavier ladies.
One nasty undercurrent of all this is that there are lots of skinnier guys attracted to fat women but don’t respect themselves or women enough to be seen in public with them lest they attract the ridicule of their peers.
It’s not like it’s a conscious choice that can easily be toggled off. A lifetime of cultural programming makes it hard for some of us to find fat people sexually desirable – whether that’s a potential date or looking in a mirror.
It’s not like “Oh, you’re fat? I’m too good for you.” It’s more like “Uh… you just don’t turn me on, sorry. No, please, don’t take that off… oh, god. I’m just going to leave now.”
So it’s not just me. I’m always thinking that men do more to keep each other from getting laid than women ever do. To the OP, to qoute Andre3K "no discriminating in this squirrel…
I voted no. The real answer is that it would be extremely unlikely, and it would have to be under exceptional circumstances,* so I figured “no” was close enough.
Why do you think I should date guys I find unattractive just because I’m fat? To make YOU feel better?
You are ridiculing others and ascribing negative motives to their choices, which suggests that you aren’t as okay with your fat fiance as you claim to be. If it were just a matter of you finding this particular man attractive and/or finding fat men attractive in general, you would have no need to make value judgments about other people’s preferences. You clearly like your fiance just fine, but I suspect there’s a part of you that thinks that you had to “settle” for a fat guy because you’re fat yourself.
My husband and I have a deal that we tell each other if the other is getting fat so we can correct the problem before it goes too far. That pretty much leaves it plain that becoming morbidly obese would kill our sexual relationship.
I am currently 66lbs over my goal weight (which is the exact middle of the range given on most charts as being healthy for a woman my height). I have gone on two dates initiated though an online dating site. In my profile I identified myself as fat. Both men told me I should change that, that I should choose the check box a notch or even two down in the websites infuriatingly limited choices of body type. I dunno. I have to buy pants at specialty stores…
If I hadn’t given up internet dating I might have used this as a tag line on my profile…I’m classy like that.
I don’t know if I’m offended but I sure am surprised. I scrolled up to make sure I wasn’t confusing a thread of yahoo comments with an SDMB thread.
A poll about a relationship where the woman is significantly taller than the man would get similar results and people obviously have less control over their height than their weight. It’s just the way it is and there’s no point being butthurt about it. Maybe it’s easy for me to say as a lanky six foot tall dude but I don’t take it personally if a woman I like wants a 6’2" minimum buffed out guy. We can still be friends.
