Could you pass the Irish citizenship test (that I just made up)?

In My Humble Opinion
1
  1. How many counties are there in Ireland?

a) 26
b) 32
c) 36
d) 40

  1. What is your favourite drink?

a) a wee cup of tea
b) Guinness
c) the next one
d) the one after that

  1. What type of animal is Dustin?

a) a man
b) a cow
c) a turkey
d) a chicken
4. What planet are Zig and Zag from?

a) Earth
b) Mars
c) Zocalo
d) Zog

  1. As an Irish citizen, who do you hate more?

a) the English
b) the Brits
c) the feckin’ Brits
d) all of the above

  1. What is the primary requirement for elligibility to join the Irish national soccer squad?

a) Irish citizenship
b) ownership of an Irish wolfhound
c) an English accent and an Irish granny
d) skill

  1. Who is the current ruler of Ireland?

a) Bertie Ahern
b) Biffo Cowen
c) George W. Bush
d) King Conn

  1. Bono is?

a) a prick
b) a small prick with a big heart
c) a saint o’ god
d) Jesus

  1. What is the greatest sport in existence?

a) gaelic football
b) American football
c) Association football
d) Rugby football

  1. What is the national anthem of Ireland?

a) Amhrán na bhFiann
b) Jump Around
c) 500 Miles
d) Ooh Ahh, Up the 'Ra

2
  1. How many counties are there in Ireland?

b) 32
2. What is your favourite drink?

d) the one after that

  1. What type of animal is Dustin?

b) a cow

  1. What planet are Zig and Zag from?

d) Zog

  1. As an Irish citizen, who do you hate more?

d) all of the above

  1. What is the primary requirement for elligibility to join the Irish national soccer squad?

c) an English accent and an Irish granny
7. Who is the current ruler of Ireland?

a) Bertie Ahern

  1. Bono is?

a) a prick
9. What is the greatest sport in existence?

e) Hurling

  1. What is the national anthem of Ireland?

a) Amhrán na bhFiann

3

7/10 not bad Cluricaun!

I’m glad you picked up the trick question number 9. :slight_smile:

4

  1. How many counties are there in Ireland?
    a) 26

  2. What is your favourite drink?
    d) the one after that

  3. What type of animal is Dustin?
    c) a turkey

  4. What planet are Zig and Zag from?
    d) the one after that

  5. As an Irish citizen, who do you hate more?
    d) all of the above

  6. What is the primary requirement for elligibility to join the Irish national soccer squad?
    d) the one after that

  7. Who is the current ruler of Ireland?
    b) Biffo Cowen

  8. Bono is?
    b) a small prick with a big heart (she said grudgingly)

  9. What is the greatest sport in existence?
    d) the one after that

  10. What is the national anthem of Ireland?
    a) Amhrán na bhFiann

5

How many counties are there in Ireland?

Depends who’s asking.
What is your favourite drink?

Depends who’s buying.
As an Irish citizen, who do you hate more?

Brits, except when it’s convenient to be nice.
What is the primary requirement for elligibility to join the Irish national soccer squad?

Three appearances as a sub for a Championship team.
Bono is?

A prick of gargantuan proportions.
What is the greatest sport in existence?

Manchester United.
What is the national anthem of Ireland?

Mumblemumblemumble.

6

  1. How many counties are there in Ireland?
    a) 26
    b) 32

  2. What is your favourite drink?
    c) the next one

  3. What type of animal is Dustin?
    c) a turkey

  4. What planet are Zig and Zag from?
    d) Zog

  5. As an Irish citizen, who do you hate more?
    a) Bertie Ahern

  6. What is the primary requirement for eligibility to join the Irish national soccer squad?
    b) a small prick with a big heart

  7. Who is the current ruler of Ireland?
    a) a prick

  8. Bono is?
    d) 40

  9. What is the greatest sport in existence?
    c) Association football

  10. What is the national anthem of Ireland?
    a) Forgettable

7
  1. How many counties are there in Ireland?

b) 32

  1. What is your favourite drink?

d) the one after that

  1. What type of animal is Dustin?

c) a turkey

  1. What planet are Zig and Zag from?

d) Zog

  1. As an Irish citizen, who do you hate more?

d) all of the above

  1. What is the primary requirement for elligibility to join the Irish national soccer squad?

c) an English accent and an Irish granny

  1. Who is the current ruler of Ireland?

b) Biffo Cowen

  1. Bono is?

b) a small prick with a big heart

  1. What is the greatest sport in existence?

c) Association football

  1. What is the national anthem of Ireland?

Judging from the Irish karaoke I’ve heard, Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline.”

8

I had an Irish Granny, does that help me any?

  1. How many counties are there in Ireland?
    d) 40

  2. What is your favourite drink?
    c) the next one

  3. What type of animal is Dustin?
    c) a turkey - neither chickens nor cows ought to be male, right?

  4. What planet are Zig and Zag from?
    d) Zog

  5. As an Irish citizen, who do you hate more?
    d) all of the above

  6. What is the primary requirement for elligibility to join the Irish national soccer squad?
    c) an English accent and an Irish granny

  7. Who is the current ruler of Ireland?
    a) Bertie Ahern

  8. Bono is?
    a) a prick

  9. What is the greatest sport in existence?
    a) gaelic football

  10. What is the national anthem of Ireland?
    b) Jump Around (Jump up Jump up and get down)

9

In lieu of taking the test, I will offer to take you to the pub for all the pints you can drink. Do I pass?

10
  1. How many counties are there in Ireland?
    b) 32 (but I accidentally saw somebody else reply b4 I copy-pastad XD
  2. What is your favourite drink?

B, C, and D

  1. What type of animal is Dustin?
    b) a cow

  2. What planet are Zig and Zag from?

d) Zog

  1. As an Irish citizen, who do you hate more?

d) all of the above

  1. What is the primary requirement for elligibility to join the Irish national soccer squad?

a) Irish citizenship

  1. Who is the current ruler of Ireland?

d) King Conn

  1. Bono is?

d) Jesus

  1. What is the greatest sport in existence?

d) Rugby football

  1. What is the national anthem of Ireland?

a) Amhrán na bhFiann

Answer key please :smiley:

11
  1. How many counties are there in Ireland?

a) 26 (AIUI the Northern six are still isolated.)

  1. What is your favourite drink?

d) the one after that

  1. What type of animal is Dustin?

b) a cow
4. What planet are Zig and Zag from?

d) Zog

  1. As an Irish citizen, who do you hate more?

d) all of the above

  1. What is the primary requirement for elligibility to join the Irish national soccer squad?

b) ownership of an Irish wolfhound

  1. Who is the current ruler of Ireland?

a) Bertie Ahern

  1. Bono is?

b) a small prick with a big heart

  1. What is the greatest sport in existence?

a) gaelic football

  1. What is the national anthem of Ireland?

a) Amhrán na bhFiann

(Why do I think I’m going to fail this citizenship test?)

12
  1. How many counties are there in Ireland?

b) 32

  1. What is your favourite drink?

e) Yes.

  1. What type of animal is Dustin?

c) a turkey

  1. What planet are Zig and Zag from?

d) Zog, becuase that’s what everyone else said.

  1. As an Irish citizen, who do you hate more?

d) all of the above
e) Ulster Scots.

  1. What is the primary requirement for elligibility to join the Irish national soccer squad?

c) an English accent and an Irish granny

  1. Who is the current ruler of Ireland?

b) Biffo Cowen. I had to look up whether he was Taoiseach-elect or actually in office.

  1. Bono is?

a prick, but less annoying than Bob Geldof.

  1. What is the greatest sport in existence?

Camogie players > hurling players.

  1. What is the national anthem of Ireland?

Sinne Fianna Fáil
atá fé gheall ag Éirinn
Buíon dár slua
Thar toinn do ráinig chugainn!

13

[QUOTE=An Gadaí]

  1. How many counties are there in Ireland?
    32
  2. What is your favourite drink?

c) the next one
(did you see the article in the Independent last week?

  1. What type of animal is Dustin?

b) a cow

  1. What planet are Zig and Zag from?

d) Zog

  1. As an Irish citizen, who do you hate more?

c) the feckin’ Brits
6. What is the primary requirement for elligibility to join the Irish national soccer squad?

c) an English accent and an Irish granny
(not d this year

  1. Who is the current ruler of Ireland?

b) Biffo Cowen
A guess. Ahern just left, didn’t he?
8. Bono is?

b) a small prick with a big heart
9. What is the greatest sport in existence?

a) gaelic football
10. What is the national anthem of Ireland?

a) Amhrán na bhFiann

14
  1. How many counties are there in Ireland?

b) 32

  1. What is your favourite drink?

b) Guinness

  1. What type of animal is Dustin?

a) a man

  1. What planet are Zig and Zag from?

d) Zog

  1. As an Irish citizen, who do you hate more?

d) all of the above

  1. What is the primary requirement for elligibility to join the Irish national soccer squad?

c) an English accent and an Irish granny

  1. Who is the current ruler of Ireland?

a) Bertie Ahern

(Could be out of date, but he’s the only one I’ve heard of.)

  1. Bono is?

e) A smug douchebag with fecking stupid sunglasses.

  1. What is the greatest sport in existence?

a) gaelic football

  1. What is the national anthem of Ireland?

a) Amhrán na bhFiann

(… I don’t have to pronounce that correctly, do I?)

15
  1. How many counties are there in Ireland?

b) 32

  1. What is your favourite drink?

d) the one after that

  1. What type of animal is Dustin?

b) a cow

  1. What planet are Zig and Zag from?
    d) Zog

  2. As an Irish citizen, who do you hate more?
    d) all of the above (work?)

  3. What is the primary requirement for elligibility to join the Irish national soccer squad?

b) ownership of an Irish wolfhound
7. Who is the current ruler of Ireland?
d) King Conn

  1. Bono is?

c) a saint o’ god
9. What is the greatest sport in existence?

a) gaelic football

  1. What is the national anthem of Ireland?
    b) Jump Around
16

  1. b.

  2. d.

  3. c. A turkey puppet, originally called Dustin Hoffman. He’s infamous for running for the Irish presidency in 1990 and entering the Eurovision song contest this year.

  4. d. More puppets

  5. d.

  6. c.

  7. b. Brian ‘Biffo’ Cowen recently took over from Bertie Ahern as taoiseach of Ireland.

  8. d. Of course. You people are mean!

  9. a. or e.

  10. a.

17

I got 60%

18

I took a quick read through, decided I couldn’t pass it, which made me depressed so I wrote some sad poetry, went out drinking, got drunk and then got into a bloody as hell bar brawl with a stranger named Brendan who’s now my new best friend. Do I get any partial credit points?

19

Ah fooey, only 6/10.

Do I get any extra points for having sung “The Wild Rover” while drunk on more than one occasion?

20

Maybe, I’ll have to consult with the high king and the little people.