I got chest pains just reading that!
Were they hunger pang chest pains?
That sounds like something that would be devised by a set of dice with foods printed on the faces.
+1
There’s not much better at 2 am after a evening out.
For completely “crap-food” yakisoba, try these:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0028PDFQG
Kit includes everything you need, including a tiny packet of dried veggies. As crap foods go, it’s really good.
Hostess Cupcakes
Velveeta for grilled cheese
White bread, bologna, & American cheese sandwich - nothing else on it
Dip for tortilla chips: Cheese Whiz mixed and melted with a can of Hormel chili (no beans) in a crock pot or microwave if I’m in a hurry
Lucky Charms
Oreos - I’m not a huge fan of the filling so the Oreo thins are perfect. If I could only get a Hydrox!
Plain potato chips - saltier the better
Peanuts roasted in the shell (salted) - I suck off the salt off the shell then crack open for the peanut
Pepperoni pizza rolls
And I kind of like a nice fresh circus peanut once in a while.
I’d put a thin layer of mayo on that myself.
Now wishing I had some bologna on hand. (sigh)
I don’t think they’re allowed to sell them fresh.
Back when I was running a courier service in my late 20s, my standard cheap crap for lunch would be AM/PM. We had an ARCO fleet card, so whenever I’d stop to refuel I’d hit their crap food bar for a double burger, then load it up with BBQ sauce, relish and pickled jalapeño slices. That would keep the heartburn going for the rest of the day.
My mom never brought any of those “fruit” drinks, but it was always margarine in our house. And I know it was economics. Once when I was 3 or 4 I told my grandma that she had the best jam when she gave me some toast at her house. Unbeknownst to me at the time, it was the butter. Once I moved out, no matter how strapped I was, I only ate butter.
Oh gawd, I hate to admit it but I used to have an air pop corn popper – it’s healthier, right? Then, I’d melt a quarter cup of butter to pour on top. Yum!
An ex-bf always ate them after a night out drinking. We were all much younger then.
It’s ok Nyvaak, this is a safe space to share your crap food cravings.
When I was a kid Cap’n Crunch (not Captain, c’mon man) was by far, bar none, my favorite breakfast cereal.
You know it’s crap because Crunch isn’t really a Cap’n. Look at his sleeves!
42 DOLLARS for a packet of ramen noodles and dried veggies?! It had damned well better have truffles in it for that price.
At the local grocery, two packets of ramen noodles go for around 50 cents, a package of cubed ham (if you’re in the mood to splurge) $2.89, and a bag of mixed veggies maybe $1.79
Multi-pack, the $42 gets you 12 of them. Still not great pricing at $3.50/each.
Double post.
They call it “aging”.
The OP left room for interpretation of the “crap” in “crap foods:”
I admit they’re not particularly cheap, but they’re definitely unhealthy and highly processed.
My local Dollar Tree sells frozen hamburgers and chicken sandwiches. Microwave for a minute and add some Mayochup and for the hamburger, some sweet pickle relish and I have lunch.
They had garlic bread flavored pretzel pieces in Japan when I visited there in 2008. I’ve looked, but never found them in Canada. They were great!
We haven’t banished @ThelmaLou for their loathsome Cool Whip fondness, why would we excommunicate you for your far lesser sin?
Around (goddammit) 25 years ago I’d only been living in Colorado for a few years, where JitB had been gone for some time. A friend was missing those self-same tacos and happened to look up where the closest JitB was - it happened to be in Las Cruces NM. I went “That’s funny, I grew up there, my folks still live there.”
We (myself, wife and said friend) ended up doing a road trip to visit my folks and get said friend JitB about 2 weeks later. And he still loved them - luckily he was still in his 20s, I don’t think any of us could survive without chronic heartburn from any such thing these days.
You guys are all heart(burn). 
As for deep-fried crispy tacos, apparently they are A Thing called Tacos Dorados. Julia and Bridget made some on America’s Test Kitchen. (They weren’t exactly deep-fried, but they were good-enough fried.)
