Listen up Santa
I want my goddamned free beer
And I want it now.
Ooh, free beer? Really?
Where do I sign up for that?
Santa’s lookin’ good!
I went to the mall
pushed the kids out of the way
and said “Beer, Fat Man”
Ethanol you seek
but to push the kids away
seems pretty naughty.
Forgive Cluricaun,
please, Santa, and don’t leave coal
there in his stocking.
Out of my way, kids!
Lucky I don’t break your legs.
Bogartin’ my beer.
Get your asses off
My muthafuckin’ lawn, you
Goddamn punk ass kids!
You’re right, it’s not fair
so I’ll wait at home instead
I’ll just rob Santa. 
Polymer catfight
In the Terrapin Station
She’s lost her mind, Bob.
( This was supposed to be absurd Haiku, right? )
Purple banana
Fruity oatey bicycle
Strange radiation
Just as an update
Santas faster than he looks
what a mean right hook.
Will this be the last
haiku in this thread? We’ll see;
but I doubt it, friends.
No threadkiller you!
My posts put people to sleep,
forgetting to post.
They said that dope could
Rot the brain and make you weird
Now I know it’s true
Curse slow electrons
Why so slow? Accelerate
Or I’ll pull the plug
Force thoughts in haiku
Like fat hips into tight jeans
Ick. Muffin tops suck
Who opened this thread?
You will regret it, I say
I’m a word faucet
Arctic tourist learns
quick the hard way not to drink
outdoor lemonade
Lemonade? Surprise!
Yellow snow ain’t lemonade!
Don’t drink it either.
I am the walrus
Goo goo g’joob - WTF?
The Beatles were stoned.
outdoor lemonade
in inuktut means snow pee
not crunchy green pods
The dog barks at night
Be still I shout you dumb dog
He slinks kennelbound
The dog barks at night
Bad robber in my car port
Be still dog I shout
The dog barks at night
Bikes gone in morning and I
Tell dog I’m sorry
Dog barks at night
I curse and put my robe on
No one in carport
I’m not quitting now
Thought this died sometime last month
I’ve got plenty more.
Give us more more more
more more more more more more more
more, um, I meant less