By day I’m a humble and underpaid lady copy editor, by night: The Editrix!
Powers and Abilities: Can figure out what writers are trying to say when they aren’t sure themselves! Can recognize and repair the deadly mixed metaphor and the even deadlier dangling participle! Can deal civilly with reporters who turn in “news stories” that consist of four grafs of undigested – and unattributed – direct quotes!
Secret super weapon: The delete key
Catrandom
Commander Apathy!
Super powers include:
Invisability: The ability to sulk unnoticed in coffee shops!
Inertia: Utilizing the mysterious principals of the sixth law of thermodynamics (a body at rest tends to stay at rest unless acted upon by an unbalanced force) commander apathy manages to stay motionless for hours at a time (usually during Godzila movies or “Real World” marathons)!
Energy absorbtion:
“Hey, commander Apathy, lets go catch a movie!”
“Nah, it’s all cold and foggy and theres really nothing good in the theaters, and I think its going to rain and I’ll probably catch a cold. I’m gunna’ stay home and make popcorn and watch “Real World”.”
“Hmmm, suddenly I don’t feel like going out myself…”
“that Puck is suck a putz, huh.”
I’m a retired superhero now, but back in the day I was “Captain Kantwijistbee.”
His costume equipped with absorbent padding at the shoulders for super tear-absorption, Captain Kantwijistbee has the uncanny ability to make women unable to perceive him as romantic relationship material. As soon as women enter the radius of his power’s effectiveness, they say the magic phrase, “Kantwijistbee friends?” and then weep onto his padded shoulders about how their boyfriends treat them like dirt. Then they say the second half of the phrase, “I need to go out with someone like you, Captain Kantwijistbee…but NOT you.”
At which point they roar off on the back of the motorcycle of the Captain’s arch-enemy, Jerky Boyfriend, leaving the Captain to sit and glumly listen to James Taylor records.
Oh, this is too easy…
By day, administrative assistant for a multi-national pharmaceutical company and temporary placement company. By night (and online) he is…
The Gay Guy!
Fighting ignorance everywhere, he distributes condoms and lectures to dispel myths and answer questions! Stops fag-bashings and religious zealots with a well-placed witticism and a boot to the head - without breaking a nail! And, with the help of his faithful companion Dyke Dame, they bring joy and happiness to gay youth around the world by giving them a role model to look up to!
The Gay Guy! “Until all are free, none are free!”
Esprix
Apparently, I have the power to make telephones ring just by thinking about it…
Yer pal,
Satan
I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
One month, six days, 15 hours, 41 minutes and 28 seconds.
1466 cigarettes not smoked, saving $183.27.
Life saved: 5 days, 2 hours, 10 minutes.
Here to fight the forces of evil, it’s The Tokenator!
Powers/Abilities: Able to laugh for long periods of time, at things that are not even funny! Able to listen to everything ever recorded by Pink Floyd!
Super-secret power: Able to eat an entire pizza in a single sitting.
Evil beware, cause you’re like, totally a downer man.
Looks Smart By being from outside the company, ContractorMan appears to be far more experinced and knowledgable than anyone currently working there!
Always eager Contractor Man is always ready for more work to be added to his plate.
**Special Power Works Long Hours ** Becuase he is paid by the hour, Contractor Man is happy to put in long hours, and laughs in the face of weekend long upgrades, or constant after hours support.