Superhero Powers You Won't See Soon

Prehensile Man - Can pick up and aim weapons with his tongue, armpit, penis, butt cheeks, or any other part of his body!

Linkto one of the great threads of the past.

Yes! Thank you. I needed that today.

Collateral Damage Man: like Gambit, but affects objects at random, out to a range of about a block.

And his sidekick, Innocent Bystander. All bullets, energy beams, etc. fired at the hero are attracted to him.

“The Possum” - When faced with danger his blood sugar spikes and he is rendered unconscious. His adversaries are reduced to fits of laughter and easily subdued by the local constabulary.

I read a book once filled with short stories about super heroes. One character had a magic suit given to him by ancient native Americans that granted him super powers. The catch, it had a swastika on it.

I recall that one! Plus, it was brown, and the swastika had to show for it to work. One of the faster turndowns of an offer of superpowers I’ve seen.

Spoilered for those easily offended by grossout/TMI/potty humor.

[spoiler]Fudgeman, with the power that his feces are made of fudge.

And his sidekick, LemonMaid, the girl who pees lemonaide.[/spoiler]

Most popular comic in Japan, EVER!

Lay-Z-Boy, who possesses vast superhuman strength so long as he exerts himself in no way whatsoever.

GuyMan, whose power is being a guy! His guyness is unparalleled! His sidekick naturally is Girl Lass, the girliest girl ever.

Didn’t one of the characters in The Specials have a prehensile scrotum?

The Turner, who can make straight men turn gay with the power of his mind. It doesn’t work on women though, so this power has no marketable value from Hollywood’s perspective.

So from every perspective except Hollywood’s its huge marketable value is…

The Incredible Jellybean Counter- he can guess the number of jellybeans in a jar to the nearest tenth! Had to get an extra house to hold all the prizes he won.

Well, it could be great fun at the next Republican convention. Except that none of them would admit to it.

Did you mention prehensile scrotums?:

Spellchecker: Able to spell any word correctly.

“…Got Screwed in the Divorce Settlement Man.”

-Ryan Stiles naming Colin Mochrie on Whose Line Is It Anyway

Well, there’s that story about the military trying to develop a Gay Bomb to wreak havoc in the enemy trenches. It would be like Dr Manhattan’s single-handed winning of the Vietnam War, only %100 more fabulous.

I was thinking in terms of trying to make a film out of something like that, I mean, what dude (and it’s mainly dudes who go to see superhero movies) wants to see a guy making other guys gay? :smiley: