Last night while I was at a concert with my cell phone off, some asshole came up to our patio window (locked, thank God) and started pleasuring himself. My girlfriend ran and locked the door, then called the cops, who dutifully arrived 15 minutes later (which pisses me off as much as anything) then said they’d drive around looking for the guy.
By the time I got home, my girlfriend was still pretty shaken up. She’s said before that she really would like to move–our apartment complex doesn’t exactly cater to the economic elite, though we don’t really live in what I’d call a “bad” neighborhood. Moving now would be a serious chunk of change and inconvenient to boot, but this really seems to be the icing on the cake.
What do you think? Should I try to play this off as an isolated incident (which it probably is, though we do have our share of scrungy people around) or bite the bullet and try to move?
Is moving possible? Because that would really freak me out, too, and I’m not sure it’s something I’d be able to easily get over and forget about - and I’d be worried it might escalate (I’m aware rationally that this is probably unlikely, but you try introducing my brain to rational thought when it’s busy feeling panicked and threatened…) So maybe for your girlfriend it might be a big deal too.
But if moving’s not possible at the moment, then you might need to work hard on reassuring her that it is unlikely to happen again, without minimising or dismissing her reaction to it - not always an easy balance to strike, so good luck!
I’d say start looking at moving. She probably isn’t ever going to feel completely comfortable there again, isolated incident or not. If it’s not economically feasible at the moment, at least start planning it and try to set some kind of goal to be out of there. It will be better for her peace of mind. In the meanwhile, try to beef up security at the current place any way you can. Make sure everything is locked, make sure the windows have coverings on them, and try to minimize the amount of time she has to be there by herself at night. Women get more freaked out by this kind of thing than men do. It’s hard for them to just blow off.
Yikes. That would freak me out and I’d probably want to move. Although a I have a dog with a very scary bark so he probably wouldn’t have gotten very far without the dog going nuts.
Make sure you have adequate window coverings, so that whenever she’s alone, your girlfriend can not be observed from outside.
Keep a camera handy so that if the guy comes back, you can “document” his activities. You might also consider installing a web cam or some other cheap-ish camera that will be triggered by a motion detector. Lots of motion detectors work only for things that are larger than about 30 lbs, so they don’t get triggered by pets or wildlife.
If your apartment complex has security staff, let them know. No matter what, tell the apartment management what happened. If you can, let the other tenants know what happened and what to watch for.
I wouldn’t expect this to be a one-time incident. The perv got what he wanted–a shocked woman and no repurcussions–and his compulsion will force him to seek that out again.
Was it a coincidence that he happened to show up at a time when you were gone? Maybe; or maybe he saw you leave and was familiar enough with the neighborhood to know your GF was home alone. Or maybe there were enough blinds open that he could tell she was alone. What he’s doing is risky to begin with; if he doesn’t scope out locations ahead of time it’s a lot riskier than it needs to be.
You don’t have to leave the complex to prevent a recurrence. Just move to an above-grade unit. For that matter, keeping all the blinds pulled whenever it’s dark out would increase the uncertainty for him, and that might be enough to keep him away. A dog would do the trick too.
All that said, since your GF wanted to move anyway, you should do it if you can afford it. Not because of one perv but just to raise the safety level all around.
One other thought: If your GF got a good look at his face (and it’s understandable if her attention was focused elsewhere) it may be worth checking the database of registered sex offenders in your area. If you helped the police catch the guy, it might help your GF achieve closure.
Thanks, all. She did indeed have the blinds open. That’s part of why she was so freaked out–she has no idea how long he was watching before he made his move. She thinks it was several minutes, though, since the dog had been on a good long barking spree (which she had dismissed, since that’s pretty much how he rolls). I’m a little perturbed at this, since we live on a well-trafficked street where this guy should have been seen by dozens of people. We’ve alerted the office, and we’ll ask the other residents.
We are indeed getting window bars for everything. We might move, too. Our place is actually rather nice, but we do have more than our allotment of undesirable elements. Then again, they probably feel the same way about us.
I’d look into a set of window darkening curtains, these are heavy fabric curtains with two layers, a white light-reflecting layer that faces the window, and a dark fabric layer that faces into the room
Used properly, they can block about 90+ percent of the light entering the room, I actually have two pair on the windows in the bedroom, one that fits the window opening itself and blocks about 80% of outside light, and an outer pair of curtains on each window, heavy black “suede style” fabric, that when set up properly, block the other 20% of incoming light
With both curtains properly set up, I have 99.999999999% light blockage, there’s no way anyone can see into the bedroom (which is on the second floor anyway)
If pervyboy can’t see in, he won’t have “incentive” to try again…
That’s what we did. No Peeping Tom or anything, we just had someone try to steal a bike until our enormous dog launched himself at the screen. The light helps to keep unwanted folks out of the yard. (And lets us know when raccoons are up to no good.)
My best advice, which is repeat at this point, is to cover the windows. I recently moved from a first floor apartment to an upper level apartment. I still close my blinds and drop my curtains at night just because I don’t like not being able to see out but, when I was on the first floor, I had everything closed up even during the day (I’m uniquely paranoid and I’ll admit it) which… ew. I’m so much happier now with the blinds open and the curtains tied up and fresh air and sunlight.
Anyway. Heavy drapes and perhaps motion lights at traditional points of entry (i.e. not every single window, but standard entrances). I can see how an incident of this nature would make her paranoid but if you can’t move right now, you can’t move right now. Get a dog. Or a gun. Whatever makes her comfortable while you save up to move someplace else, if that’s a route you want to take.
Didn’t see this. She’ll probably get over it someday but, yeah, it’s a shame. Although I had assumed it was at night so what’s she looking at anyway? I wouldn’t think she’d be too uncomfortable for very long to keep things open during daylight hours so her window gazing might not be completely lost.
Yeah, I have to admit: even though I live in a very safe, gated community on a lake, I close all my blinds at night because I don’t want some creeper watching me when I can’t see them. My lake is beautiful, but I can’t exactly see it in the darkness.
It depends: does he get to put lotion on his skin?
It may have been the first time at your window, but maybe not. It shows a boldness of someone who scoped the landscape out and knew she was alone there at the time. Creeps will make impulsive moves and get carried away-hopefully by the police or intended victim. Stalkers notoriously return to the same places and people and you should consider this thug a stalker. Secure your residence in a way that makes attempted entry noticeable. This is easily done electronically with portable sensors that you can take with you when you leave, which may be soon it seems.
If your GF starts mentioning about how well the guy was hung, you are in bigger trouble indeed. If the weather was cold you have the “shrinkage” thing working for you balanced out by the “fluffing it up” factor.
My friend had that happen to her in the park and the police picked the guy up in short order. I believe they merely warned him and cut him loose. But at least they respond almost while you are still on the phone in my venue.
Don’t take this so lightly. She is right to be terrified. Imagine if you were in prison, and a guy down the hall had told you what a pretty butt you have while playing with himself. He’s bigger and stronger, and doesn’t have you alone right now, but he’s made it clear that he wants to.
Would you ever sleep easy on that ward again? Or would you spend every moment afraid, wondering when he’ll get the opportunity to harm you?
And it’s entirely possible that this guy is spending every waking moment stalking and googling and looking for an opportunity.
Move if you can, get her a self-defense class, and make sure to secure the place in every way possible. Read “The Gift of Fear” and get her a copy too. Don’t leave her there alone if you can help it. Don’t imagine that your mere presence will keep her safe.
