Christ, lachesis, get off your self-nominated “non-judgemental” high horse! Whack is saying that he judges her reaction to be extreme, not that she is an evil person or any other absolutes you seem to want to load on him! ANd , btw, without using the word judge with respect to what you’re doing, you are doing an awfully good job of judging the hell out of Whack. Frankly, you’re coming off as one heck of lot more self-righteous than he has!
Whack, as a woman, I’m guessing that the whole video card incident is (you should pardon the wording) incidental. I could be wrong - some of the reactions to what you’ve described here seem to me to be extreme, but given that they exist, I have to give credence to the idea that some people really do get that bent out of shape over this kind of stuff. I don’t understand it any better than you do, but I have to believe that they really do feel that way.
BUT, that being said, I suspect any other offense, real or imagined, would have done. Whether your ex was temporarily pissed, or is, as a number of people here have recommended, trying to break ties is anyone’s guess - I certainly can’t judge from here.
But much as you love your dog, I have to agree with the others - you’ve gotta get away. It sounds like your version of friendly relations has boiled down to your doing stuff for her, and that’s really not all that friendly, you know? If you can possibly change your home so that you can have a dog, you might be able to persuade her to let you have your mutual dog - it sounds like she travels a lot and might be willing to let her go because of that. But if not, I still think you need to let her go, painful though it will be. I’m sorry, but there it is.
Apparently we have a reading comprehension problem. Read the #1 definition of what the word “judge” means (highlighting mine): *“1 : to form an opinion about through careful weighing of evidence and testing of premises”
*
Now look at what you said earlier (highlighting mine): “and yes, i’ll probably have an OPINION on a parent slapping a child in public.”
Now look at what else you said and compare to what I have been on abotu all along: *if my hypothetical friend should throw a total hissy because i accidentally (i.e., with no malice of forethought, or without any forethought for that matter) spilled some milk, i would certainly view such action as unreasonable." *
Except for my installing the video card not being accidental very similar to what I have maintained throughout.
Scarlett67 earlier took me to task for saying I wanted opinions if I was clueless and said apparently I was after no such thing. What she neglected to include is I was ALSO looking for appropriateness of the response I got and that has been neglected by those who wish to paint me as some untrustworthy person. We have established that it is normal for anyone to form opinions of others’ actions so where is the opinion of her actions? Opinions supported by reasoning?
I have accepted that I was wrong to install the video card without her permission.
I have not accepted her response to my having done that. More specifically if it was just me I’d ignore the whole thing and get on with life but she is contemplating causing distress at the very least to something else I care for deeply. I take extreme exception to that.
My head tells me you and others who have suggested this are correct. My heart is just screaming NO. That dog is among my most loved…anything…in the world. Words simply cannot express it well. If you have experienced this with a pet or perhaps a child you know of what I speak.
I have been trying to work myself to this option since last night. I think I could almost do it except the thought of her locked in a cage for three weeks upsets me a great deal and I do not want to see that happen. I’d chew tin foil for three weeks before letting her in that cage.
I’ll keep working on getting the separation here really, fully separated as I suspect you are all correct about that…just bloody difficult with a common loved one between the two of us.
