Ha ! 
I just might use your poem as my sig line Crunchy Frog
… umm, where does the toffee nosed bit come from ? And the cloth-eared bit ?
And what’s a bint ???
Thanks for the welcome, anyway !
I’m here to climb on the welcome wagon and receive my share of welcome abuse from the Great and Powerful CRUNCHY FROG. 
I’m an MIS manager for a small Native American tribal government just outside of Albuquerque, NM. I also do network administration and database design consulting in my copious free time.
I’m a musician (vocalist and lyricist) currently in between gigs, other than some studio work.
I’m also a member of the S.C.A., a medieval re-enactment group, and I have been a fencer for approximately the last 14 years.
If that isn’t enough to work with, Crunchy, you’re losing your touch.
hellooooo, well, I figure this is the best place for a first post, so here goes. I am 29 and live and work in the Nashville TN area as an accounts manager for a cleaning service and at night I work in manufacturing. I’m single hello ladies and very out going
Hi, my name’s Asylum and I like Parcheezi. Well no, not really, nevermind that last bit. I’m a twenty-six y.o. undergrad at UMBC majoring in sociology. Most people who go to school for eight years are doctors, me, I just decided to make school my career. I’m currently behind in all my classes and posting here doesn’t help. But I can’t stop and now know what heroin is like. I work too many hours in a crappy job with good pay (yay unions!). And other than that have no real social life anymore due to my being sick of my current career of student and am actually now putting effort into my education along with working too many hours at my crappy job.
Oops. Forgot to mention that I’m also a male. And probably going to receive abuse for this. Well, at least I don’t have to send naked pics of myself.
If you have a spare bit of sarcastic venom, Crunchy, you can send it this way.
Female (you don’t want to see nekkid pics, just take that on faith), I have tattoos on my back and am a professional driveller of crap (ie commercial radio announcer). I’ve been posting here only a few short months, and have committed grievous foot in mouth once that I know of in addition to posting unmitigated guff.
And I love the mood jacket. Velvet, you said?
Stiletto says:
MIS? Man-boob International Society? Matadors for the Internment of Salamanders? Monkey Impregnation Service?
A re-enactment of the medieval times. Something I never understood. Did they not get the medieval period right the first time, so it needs a remake? Considering some of the stuff that went on during that time, you’d think people would let it go already. Why the focus on medieval times? You never see anyone re-enacting Cro-Magnon Man banging a couple rocks together. You’d never catch me running around in weird clothes pretending to be in the medieval period. Unless I can be Robin Hood. Then I’m all for it. Do you do the Spanish Inquisition re-enactments? That would be something to see.
We do not discuss illegal activities in this thread.
[sub]Psst, I’d like a new stereo. Let me know if you come across any that “fall off a truck”[/sub]
Ibme says:
Ya got me. I see the “hellooooo” and just dismiss everything that follows. All those “Os” what could they mean? Is it code? Is it symbolic for something? Did the keyboard get sticky after downloading porn? It’s a riddle inside of a mystery wrapped in an enigma.
Asylum says:
There’s naught wrong with a game o’Parcheezi, lad!
There’s a cure for that, you know. Go into the Pit and start calling mods Nazis or Commies or something like that. Pretty soon, you’ll be able to focus on your classes again.
Gee, what a sad, sad life you must lead. Hold on, I’ll go light a candle and mourn for you.
Ok, done. Now you can piss off and be happy.
Asylum returns:
Didn’t I just tell you to piss off?
*tavalla *
Look, as I’ve said before (doesn’t anyone READ?) it’s not a matter of wanting to see nude women. It’s my job here. I have to examine all female newbies. I don’t like this any more than the next guy, but it’s my cross to bear.**
Tattoos on your back huh? I have tattoos on my back, arms, legs, and chest. I also have two extra nipples. I’m not saying where though.
Well, Asylum, since Crunchy hasn’t seen fit to come and abuse us yet, I just couldn’t wait any longer for this one. How do you forget that you are male? 
Forgetting to mention it is one thing…but just plain forgetting? Wow… (There are just so many places I could take this. )
[sub]And of course, in order to cover my own ass…since I forgot to mention it earlier, I’m male.[/sub]
Hmm. Methinks someone posted a little quickly and is gonna get chewed out by Crunchy. As to how I can get my gender confused, well, we’ll have to start a thread on this later since Crunchy told me to piss off.
I’ve been posting since August, lurking long before that. I’m male, 47, grad student in applied geography (whatever that is), married, two kids. Mustard is for hotdogs, along with dill pickle relish and chopped onions, unless you put saurkraut on it, when you just eat it that way.
Welcome me, dammit!
Oops, I forgot to mention that I live in El Paso (no, I do not go to the sucky school, UTEP).
Now, you may welcome me.
From what I understand, the #1 cause of that form of amnesia is marriage.
And Stiletto, you obviously don’t know my posting habits cuz you’re new, so I’ll just explain the long wait for my reply: I post from work mostly. I hooked up WebTV at my house last week, but without the ability to cut & paste, I would have to quote and respond to each newbie individually. That’s a hassle and time-consuming, so I respond to multiple newbies from work only.
Man-boob International Society? Wow, I guess they must have let you in without paying your dues, huh? Two extra nipples, indeed.
What I wanna know is, why doesn’t anybody ever study visigothic architecture, dammit?
Yes, as a matter of fact, we can do the spanish inquisition. Just please sign the waiver form here and we’ll be on our way. I absolutely guarantee that it will be one of the most lifelike re-enactments you’ve ever seen. You have named a next-of-kin, haven’t you? I mean, it’s just a formality…
**
Well, I’m afraid I’m a little busy to be going shopping for a new stereo for you, Crunchy. So I think I’ll just have to take a rain-check, and respond with a hearty Bite Me. (I mean, after all, frogs don’t have the teeth for it…really…
see for yourself.
Thanks for the ‘welcome’ abuse Crunchy.
Hello All,
I work for a small helcopter company in Arizona. I’m a veteran of the S.E. Asian war games. I Drive an old car, (1962 Hawk). I don’t have any hobbies, and I can’t sing or dance.
I’m a 21 year old female who has no nekkid pics.
I don’t like the St. Louis Cardinals, I’m a cheap date, and I like to kiss up to Crunchy Frog (except where it concerns the Cardinals).
Oh yeah, I have multiple careers and there’s absolutely nothing notable about me.
Payne N. Diaz says:
What the hell? That’s all you have to say? I stopped masturbating to read this?
And what do you mean you’re married to kids? That’s disgusting you perv! Kids shouldn’t be – oh, wait, I read that wrong. Nevermind.
Okay, all newbies pay attention. Are all the newbies reading this? Good. The next person to mention condiments will NOT be welcomed.
DaToad says:
You drive a Studebaker? Ok, Toad, you suck. I won’t make fun of a vet, and the Hawk is a cool car so I can’t make fun of that. So you just suck. I have nothing to make fun of you about. You’re a big pile of suck. There’s so much suck on the screen right now, my monitor is caving inwards. To paraphrase Homer Simpson, you’re the suckiest suck who ever sucked.
***lel *says:
I’ll remedy that situation if we ever meet.
Two out of three ain’t bad. I don’t blame you for rooting for the D-backs. Somebody has to, right?
Ok, I’m a 31 year old male from Utah, I work for an aerial photo / mapping company (as a GIS Technician, for those of you who know what that is).
The most odd thing about me with regard to the straigthtdope boards is that I discovered them via the straigthtdope chatroom on Undernet. Most people find the chatroom after familiarizing themselves with the boards and the people posting therein, I’m going at it backwards. And as for how I discovered the chatroom, let’s just say I sort of followed someone there who was chatting in another room I was in.
I’ve enjoyed the amount of lively chat in the chatroom, which makes the boards all the more overwhelming as there are lot more people to get to know, but I’m up to the challenge. And not to blow my own trumpet, but I’ve already got my own thread going
Hi.
I’m in my late 20s, female, and from St. Louis. Along that line, Crunchy, I’ve really enjoyed what you’ve said in other posts about the St. Louis choke Blues. Uh, I’m also the manager of a supposedly art-house chain movie theater (though not the coolest one in town, by far). And I guess that’s probably all you’ll want to hear about.
Thanks.
23-year-old female here, I’ve not been abused yet so I’m very much looking forward to it! [sub](about those nekkid pics … uhh … we like to pretend they don’t exist! So shhh! nods)[/sub]
I haven’t read the whole thread 'cause 200+ posts is a lot, so I don’t know what’s up with the St. Louis Cardinals thing, but I’m originally from St. Louis and the Cards are in my blood, I think I’m going to cry now … damn Arizona … sniffle
I am a 14-year member of the S.C.A. as well, except I don’t fence grins - I’m sweet and innocent, I dun do nothin’ illegal-like! … I was, however, a dance instructor. Ooh, I belly-dance, does that help? ;D
Yeah, pretty much. They left in all the death and the plague bits, and we take them out It makes it more fun. Oh, and we add more massive orgies … nods solemnly
Currently work for the post office (yes, that’s right, I’m an easy target!), living in the Tropical Cornfields of Indianalia (er, Indiana) and planning to move to Australia at the end of 2002. 'Cause like. Cricket rules
Ohyeah. And Crunchy Frogs are sexy. nods There. I think I’m done now.
kneels and lowers her head and submits to the abuse!!
Hi I’m a 12 year old little bastard in california. I have a disease called fibor myalgia and it causes me to be in a lot of pain, loss of sleep, and tired all the time. I can’t go to school and I don’t have any friends, I like to read these boards because it’s about the only time I can “Talk” to other people besides my family.