::Tries vainly to remember some French, remembers she never studied it, and throws in some phrases from ballet class::
Umm, pas de deux! Arabesque! MERDE!
To quote Clark W Griswold…“Something to be proud of, Rusty.”
Fuuny, that’s what your mother said when she talking about her career in porn.
Wow. If I liked science fiction, I’d be impressed. I write slash fanfic about Jeff Hardy [sub]oops, that sounded bad[/sub]
Dude, you are so rad. :rolleyes:
Totally, I mean like, whoa.
Dang, howd you know my mom was a porn star? Do I know you from somwhere?
d
You are a frog with a distinct lime aftertaste.
You out-geek most people by being French. The beret thing was really shat upon due to its unfortunate association in the USA with Monica Lewinsky.
Then there’s the whole other thing the French are famous for here in the States: admiring Jerry Lewis and not bathing. I think it’s time for me to go over there and drag that country into the 21st century. How long does it take for people to realize that Jerry Lewis is not funny? That’s it. That’s my new mission in life. I will become a missionary to France, showing the virtues of daily showers (expecially to the French women-folk) and the horror that is Jerry Lewis. I’ll be there as soon as I convince this country about Adam Sandler, who I imagine, in 10 years will be honored in France as a comic genius.
Unlike hardy, I’ll take this time to point you in the direction of the SDMB’s own e-zine, called Teemings. You can submit any writings you have there. I’m not sure about all the details though, since I’ve never submitted anything. They wouldn’t publish any of my short stories anyway, since all my best work begins “Dear Penthouse Forum…”
Greetings. I’m a twenty-one year old graduate student in English who likes quality beer, baseball, and people who know that you need to use a comma before a conjunction if the information following that conjunction forms an independent clause (which would automatically disqualify anyone in my tutorial section).
'Sblood, welcome me.
Crunchy, he’s all yours.
[sub] I forgot Teemings. Since I don’t think my stories about me being Jeff Hardy’s shower wench would be accepted<sigh>…
I’m actually waiting for Jester to have a crack at him. And sorry for the double welcome, I wasn’t trying to outdo you or anything. I saw your post on preview, but had already typed all that, so I went ahead and posted it. I was making test calls at work (yes I do actually work here from time to time) and was posting a bit of a reply between test calls, that’s why it took so long after the newbie post and my welcome.
So Jester, so want to be a welcomer, get to welcoming.
Hi. 
You all probably don’t know me…I’m very shy and reticent and heaven knows I’ve never posted much, so I may not be familiar to most of you.
But something’s been bothering me for however long I’ve been a Doper.
I was never officially welcomed by Crunchy Frog
Oh, I’ve posted once or twice, here and there, but without an official Crunchy Frog Welcome[sym]Ò[/sym], I can’t feel like part of the group. I’m a tormented outsider. I’m like…Ludwig von Stanza in L’il Archie comics: I’m present but not part of the Ol’ Gang.
Next to an official Cecil Welcome[sym]ä[/sym](which I never got either), nothing beats a Crunchy Frog Welcome[sym]Ò[/sym]. As such I’ve been the depressive, tortured soul that’s lurked around the fringes of the board.
So, after all this time, is it too late to request an official Cruncy Frog Welcome?[sym]Ò[/sym]
Since your rules say**
**
I’ll need to make a list to answer:
[ul]
I’m the monarch of a small country, though I was born the son of a gypsy. When I was at Empire State University, my device for viewing the nether-realms was tampered with by my arch rival. This caused an explosion that marred my perfect features. I went to Tibet and a group of monks helped me make a mask to cover my scars. Now, my only comfort is attempted world-domination.
So you don’t want to know how my cat caught my rash?
Hi, Opal again!
I have to let you know that my tortured, delicate soul may not be able to withstand the taunts and barbs of your witty ripostes. I may weep. But I’ll try.
Who’s Cecil? What’s ‘squinking’? Why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway? Why do they call 'em JUMBO [sub]shrimp[/sub]? What’s the third word that ends in “gry”?
I thought rule #6 was the one about how naughty Doper babes must be spanked by posters who’s names have to do with lupines or amphibians!
I could send you a naked picture of my cat. Did I mention that my cat has a rash? Would that cover the rule?[/ul]
So can I now have my offical Crunchy Frog Welcome[sym]Ò[/sym]?
Fenris
Fenris;
I got a hardygrrl and a Crunchy Frog. Of course you have a post count over 3000. Wanna trade? 
d
Treviathan says:
Ok, I’m with you so far. Beer is good. Baseball is good (I’m a baseball fanatic. If there’s a baseball thread, odds are I’ve posted to it or started it. But this part:
What the hell? I don’t understand these big words, therefore I fear them as they are new and unknown to me. You are speaking in tongues and therefore must be evil or possessed by a demon.
Be gone, foul creature! And if you ever want to get laid, you may want to not talk like that in public too often. Drink more beer.
Fenris drags his pathetic ass in here:
Um… weren’t you here before me?
That is one of the most obscure references I’ve seen here. First you do Weird Al Yankovic’s bit and now you’re stealing Dennis Miller’s act. What’s next, stealing from Don Rickles and insulting people as a lame excuse for humor?
Um… hey, let’s just forget that last line, ok?
Cecil! Don’t get me started on that elitist bastard! I started 2 or 3 different threads months ago to try to get a welcome from him and what do I get? Zilch. 3 Threadspotting OPs, a selection for Weird Earl’s and I don’t get as much as a “Go away kid, you bother me.” Bastard!
Yes it is, sorry about that. Well not really sorry, I was just trying to be polite.
Well hey, good luck with that. Kid’s gotta have goals now-a-days. Anything to keep you off the streets.
I don’t wanna know how you caught the rash, much less the cat. I just don’t care about anything you have to say. If aliens landed in Washington DC and requested to speak to me personally in order to solve the problems of hunger, world peace, and the secret to multiple orgasms lasting up to 20 minutes apeice I wouldn’t want to hear about it from you. If you noticed my scrotum burst into flames, I still wouldn’t want you to say anything to me.
An elitist bastard (see above). I won’t repeat that in this thread. Because we do. Because that’s big for a shrimp. There isn’t one.
Male members send pictures of their, um, male members to hardygrrl.
No, I told you you’re too late.
But I waaaaaaaaaaaant one.
No?
Fine.
Be that way.
See if I care.
Pleaaaaaaaaaaasse?
[Sheriff Bart]
Please. You are making a lupine spectacle of yourself.
[/Sheriff Bart]
Awwwww, crap. Go out to see just one movie, and I blow my chance at a first welcome! Ah, well. Maybe I can sneak one in without anybody noticing…
Treviathan, Lord of Grammar, said:
Hmmmmm…beer, colleged-aged kids and baseball mentioned in the same sentence. Am I surprised? Feh. We’re on the lookout for promising newbies and we get Freddie Prinze Jr. in “Summer Catch”.
**
Okay, I take it back. Now we get Miss Manners playing Freddie Prinz Jr. in “Summer Catch”.
For someone so well-versed in the use of our fine language, you’re very good at making sentences that fail miserably to convey your point, on account of me not understanding a dang-blasted word in them. (Shit! Did I need a comma before “dang-blasted”? Is it a conjunction?)
Welcome to the boards, newbie. Rub dirt in it, take a lap, and go make yourself useful.
Ooh, he whines so pretty!
Hmm…Treviathan, Lord of Grammar. Deified after only five posts. I like the sound of that.
Sorry 'bout S’blood, the obscure Shakespeare reference. Basically means “dammit.”
Psst, **Treviathan
**… yeah, you, the grammar guy. Do you want to tell hardy what’s wrong with that sentence or shall I?
Personally, I think there are a few other things wrong with that sentence than the grammar.
Jester, my pet, to quote Crunchy Frog…
Bite Me
::skates off cackling::
Hmmm, let’s see. For my third ever post, I think I’ll open myself up to some insults.
35 yr. old white male lawyer (nay, criminal defense attorney) living in Florida, 4 blocks from beach. Staunch liberal, recently quit smoking (cigarettes), beer drinker, prefers college football to the NFL. Former bass player in rock-n-roll band.
Will not use profanity unless the other person starts first. Welcome me, darn it.
Hi!
I’m a twenty year-old female from the Philadelphia area. I’ve been reading the SDMB since I was just a wee one, but only recently decided that I might potentially have something worthwhile to cyber-yammer every now and again. So here I am… hopefully my future posts won’t prove that statement to be a filthy lie. 
Your bravery is an inspiration to us all. :rolleyes:
About damn time you showed up. Crunchy just got arrested for stalking Barry Bonds. And when they found all the naked pics on his hard drive…well it’s not pretty.
OOh, can I touch your melonomas? Pretty please?
Kickass. Wanna go count some hanging chads?
Didn’t your mother ever tell you that quitters never win and winners never quit? Still smoking crack, are you?
Has penis, drinks beer. Wow, that’s a new one. Good hing I’m sitting down.
Because the cheerleaders still have the spark of youth? And football? Great, if it’s not Crunchy’s incessant yammering about baseball…damn it, can we get some hockey fans in here? I can’t be the only person who knows who Denis Savard is??? He’s in the freaking Hockey Hall of Fame!
::pant pant pant::
Ok, better now.
As opposed to bass player in a polka trio? So, which Behind the Music has you whining about the band losing direction?
Well by cracky I will! Send the naked pics ASAP and don’t forget to [sub]bite me.[/sub]