Son of a Bean.
So Yosemite Sam, not Popeye?
“Tin-plated, stem-winding, plate-spinning, product of a Luzo-Brazilian kazoo and math book marching band.”
Or if you want something a little shorter:
“Foul Fiend of Darkness.”
“Puppies!” “Kittens!” “Baby hippos!” Ducklings!"
http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/mythbusters-adam-savage-swearing-test.html
I realized I was channeling my dear departed Mother when I caught myself saying “Crap-a-Doodle-Doo!” a few years back. I also picked up “Horse Cruppers!” from my late father, who was a fan of the ponies.
I hope this helps, so help me Son of Smurf Spawn.
My “at work” cussing for years has been, “aggraVAtion and BOther”!
I sent my formerly-Evangelical husband into fits of laughter the first time he heard me mutter “Jesus wept.” It’s satisfying, withering, and fundies won’t know whether to be offended or not. Try it.
I’m pretty fond of “bob dangit”, “crap appleton” (thanks Daddy) & “Fewmets”!
“Shiva H Vishnu”!
Thanks for that one, Apu.
Corksoaker.
Duck socker.
Muffin fudger.
Fudgepacker.
Dip stick.
Lug nut.
Son of a bachelor.
If you’re going to use “Ods Bodkins” you also need “Gadzooks!”
Judas priest
For Fox’s Creek
Flea bitten varmint
I’m going to say to not curse in a foreign language.
If you’re not cursing in English out of respect for coworkers, etc, you might not know what languages they speak. Many people that know me have no idea I’m half Mexican. Once I took my mom to a restaurant where we could hear the bus boys cursing up a storm (they were not Mexican from their accents). She was rather offended.
What you are after are technically known as “minced oaths”.
“By the beard of Zeus”
You could also use the fake profanity from Johnny Dangerously: Fargin’ icehole, corksucker, bastiges, summina batches, etc.
didly another zombie
Sugar Honey Iced Tea
Holy Mother of Cow
Good Gravy
Mary and Joseph or Jiminy Cricket
eff-in
diddlesticks
jumpin jehofafats
sheisticuffs
good don it
holy ballz
razzle frazzle…
well, frickasee me
balderdash!
ya fargin piece o garbage, go blast off, why donya?
yippy skippy
well, ain’t that just peachy keen?
Zut alors!
Shinola! Usually gets a smile.
My friend in junior high and high school always said “zarking” and, when he was really upset, “Zark Fard it!” Why yes, we were Douglas Adams fans…
Also, did Una Persson used to be known as Anthracite? Post 34 seems to imply that, and it would certainly be appropriate, but I could be misunderstanding.