Ok early 20’s virgin, shy socially, but if I “know” you or have something in common (co workers, etc) I can force myself to open up. I’m not good at reading people’s social reactions to conversations and such, and from time to time I’ve came across women i was interested in, who may have also been interested in me but passed on to greener pastures.
So…how do I “put-the-moves” onto someone I talk to. I don’t want to keep making the mistake of knowing them well as a friend and letting the window of opportunity to say “lets make it more” pass by. Should I just come out right away and say lets go out? Shoudl I take it slow and be friendly to scope them out to see if they are significantly involved and not move forward?
Confidence is definitely a must. Be comfortable around yourself and comfortable around women you are attracted to. Rather than kicking yourself over passed up opportunities, try to make the most out of each and every chance that comes your way.
Also, I say swing for the fences. I dont know about you, but I never accomplished anything in my life by doing it half-heartedly. It always required a significant drive and effort to acheive. Find an equilibrium that works for you; nobody can tell you specifically what you need to do, because it all boils down to what you will feel comfortable about and what works. But play the field, and you’ll eventually find a middle ground between coming off as the ‘you’re like a sister to me’ or ‘skeevy pervert’
The reason that “be yourself” is the standard advice for this situation is because it’s really the best. Might you seem akward at first? Well sure. The key is that if you do get to talking to someone, you know they’re interested in you for you, not a fake personality, or (as many have suggested to me) a “you” that’s being funneled through a makeshift social filter. As John Carter of Mars says, the best ones will respect your for doing so, and for showing them enough respect to be real with them rather than using an established routine.
Of course, that’s just one man’s opinion. Many disagree. While I believe I misrepresented myself in that thread in terms of what I actually do when I first meet a girl (one poster thought I opened up conversations by quoting Dostoyevsky; for heaven’s sake, I ain’t that stupid ), it certainly does seem as though some favor a silky-smooth operator. And a lot of those saying that are females themselves, so I’ll understand if you take their advice over mine. Really, as long as you don’t lie or pretend to be someone you’re not, you can come off however you choose. That single condition is very important, though: if you “fake it” too much, not only are you being dishonest to the girl you’re attracted to, you’re also setting yourself up for a dead-end relationship with a girl you have nothing in common with. And that does nobody any good.
I definitely agree with the “be yourself” thing. And don’t use pickup lines. All they do for me, and most of the other girls I know, is make us burst out in laughter.
Ok early 20’s virgin, shy socially, but if I “know” you or have something in common (co workers, etc) I can force myself to open up. I’m not good at reading people’s social reactions to conversations and such, and from time to time I’ve came across women i was interested in, who may have also been interested in me but passed on to greener pastures.
), it certainly does seem as though some favor a silky-smooth operator. And a lot of those saying that are females themselves, so I’ll understand if you take their advice over mine. Really, as long as you don’t lie or pretend to be someone you’re not, you can come off however you choose. That single condition is very important, though: if you “fake it” too much, not only are you being dishonest to the girl you’re attracted to, you’re also setting yourself up for a dead-end relationship with a girl you have nothing in common with. And that does nobody any good.