Wow, susan, if only more girls were like you. Specifically, in Washington, but I’m just being greedy 
Methinks this is just wishful thinking on JThunders part.
If you want to connect with anyone you have to mirror them. Regardless of who you are, you want them to like you and the best way is to have them think you’re like them.
I looked out your pictures and yes you look great and I can see how they’re going to be intimidated when you walk up.
Guessing at the personalities you’ll have to speak softer, not be so outgoing (this is assuming they’re like this and you’re 'mirroring them) and just ask short open ended questions? They would be…
What do you think about…
Who do you know here…
What should I do about…
And then listen. Don’t speak until they’ve gotten enough words out to where they’re feeling comfortable.
Now my turn for a question. Where were you when I was going through this awkward stage;)
My Blog
Don’t laugh so hard, it may be funny but it’s also my life
Lucky
Have you ever seen a movie called The Tall Guy?
It’s pretty funny, and in it, Emma Thompson has a very creative method for having a relaxed date with a geeky guy.
When he shows up to take her out on a date she insists that they first go up to her place and have sex. After that, neither of them will be wondering so much about that part of the date and they can just relax. It’s also the funniest sex scene ever!
Had to go check the picture… yep, you have the ‘Hotness’ or whatever it is the kids are saying with their buggin street slang these days.
Speaking as Grand Poo-Bah of Geekiness, patience and persistance are your allies. We nerds are, as a rule, twitchy about social stuff, because right or wrong, we think we’re not very good at it. It’s already been said, but getting approached out of the blue by a good looking gal sends us immediately through suspicion - “Why is she talking to me? She must want something from me.” and then as realization dawns, self-doubt. “Oh crap, I don’t wanna screw this up.”
Directness works in your favor. Let me provide an anecdote from my own experiences. Cute gal, I’ve known her a while, a friend of mine. We went to a movie. We both enjoyed the movie. During the entire course of the movie-date however, I was thinking “Is it okay to put my arm around her? Would she mind? Maybe I shouldn’t… but if I don’t, maybe I’ll seem aloof! Arrrrgh!”
It can legitimately be said that I Think Too Much.
Of course, towards the end of the movie, she put her head on my shoulder, and that was nice, and helped quite a bit. Directness.
checks photo thread
Let’s see, if I were approached by you when I was a college for Computer Systems, my first response would have been something along the lines of “A wha hun bwe…”
In fact, that is sort of what happened to me. I was doing a radio show on the campus station, and hot chick bounced in to tell me she liked what I was playing. Intant connection/rapport. It flustered me that she thought I was cool, and it took me some time to actually believe it. We’re still together 14 years and 2 kids later.
As a geek, I wouldn’t believe that someone of your 'homina-homina-homina’ness would be interested in me and would be looking around to see if your friends were giggling away on the other side of the room for teasing the guy. I think you’ll have to prove that you are really ‘belong to the geek club’. So, yes, demonstrate the ability to quote Python and tell him his coding looks like Vogon poetry.
Anyways*, I think you need that commonality (is that a word?) to start the communication. I assume that you already know that, you just need to demonstrate it to him.
previews Oh, god, I still blabber on. I thought I’d passed through that phase…
We never get past that phase. But at least the “Superhighway Revolution” (Thanks, Al! :rolleyes: ) has allowed us to insulate our communication with a keyboard. No stud-d-d-d-d-eeering there at least.
:o
Stranger
Is this the part where I sniffle self-pityingly about being born twenty years too soon and on the wrong continent, or is being hypothetically hit on by a guy twice her age already more oogyness than S_S_H can handle without starting to make it sound stalker-y?
First let me say that this from Aesiron:
made me laugh out loud, because I was exactly that way.
SusanStoHelit when I was 22, if a girl as beautiful as yourself (although it sounds like that may be changing with this ‘freakishly-large-head’ talk) sat down for a cup of coffee with me, I’d clam up…I’d probably even have trouble making eye contact. And I know you’re getting a lot of mixed advice in here, but here’s what would have helped me back then:
-Someone said if you like geeks, talk about geeky stuff. If ‘beautiful girl’ had started talking about RPGs, Neil Gaiman, Hawking’s latest book, Monty Python, etc…I’d have opened up completely. Hell, since we’re in a coffee shop, offerering to play chess would have been a huge step.
-I like the touching on the forearm/shoulder/back thing. It gives a subtle message (yet not TOO subtle, because beleive me, most of us guys don’t notice subtle messages) that you’re comfortable and that you probably like us, which takes some of the “ohmygod, why is she out with me? I can’t screw this up” pressure off.
-Again with the not-too-subtle messages…I’d be wondering how to ‘impress’ this beautiful creature sitting across the table from me, so it would definitely put me at ease if she were to give some not-too-subtle feedback. Such as a genuine laugh and a “you are really funny” or a “you’re cute when you smile”. Again, it conveys the message of “I’m having fun, and enjoying your company”, which would take some pressure off.
But, SusanStoHelit, another option you have is to go after the shy, quietish, nerdy types who have outgrown their awkward phase and are now comfortable having interesting conversations with beautiful women, yet still retain their nerdy and geeky tendencies. <wink, wink> <nudge, nudge>
Good luck, becasue I would hate to have the mission of bringing someone like my 22 year old self out of his shell.
You know, what petelin is saying at the end there is good advice too. Not all nerds are completely uncomfortable and awkward around women. If having to slowly bring a guy out of his cave is a pain the ass, maybe it’s really not the right type for you. I’ve tried dating a girl who was painfully shy and quiet, and it seemed like a good idea at first, what with the shared interests and all, but it was just too difficult to mesh our differing ideas of what a social life entails. If you’re at OSU, that’s a damn big school, and I’m sure you won’t have a hard time finding somebody who meshes well with your likes, yet isn’t completely withdrawn and reticient.
I gotta chime in and agree with the others here, Susan. Thinking back to my 21-year-old self in electronics school…
I was into all that kind of stuff: HHG, cartoons (I was the only one in electronics school with a sketchbook and a cartoon ion the school newspaper), computers, electronics (of course), but I didn’t find out about Pterry until a little later.
Be prepared for total disbelief.
I was oblivious of social clues, believed myself to be a total worm and unworthy of anything (especially the attention of a beautiful woman). When not consumed in my art or schoolwork, I was desperately unhappy. You are damn cute. If you had approached me, I would have thought it was a cruel joke.
I’m not kidding; in grade eight and nine, a girl pursued me for a while, but I blew her off. I literally had had no experience that a girl might actually like me and want to be in a relationship with me; I didn’t even have an idea what a emotional relationship with a woman would be like. All I had ever experienced socially (apart from a few friends) was indifference, ridicule, or cruel setups.
Definitely. The cruel setup was my experience, not an attractive women actually interested in me.
:: nods ::
In electronics school, there was a girl named Thu who I met, and one time we met at a …dance, I think it was (I didn’t actually go there with her, you understand…), and she was in this gorgeous white dress, and it was incredibly intimidating. Even now, I find that the comfortable jeans/T-short look is far more attractive and approachable. If you’re dressed to the nines, your geek will feel that you are not of his world.
We geeks do not get ‘subtle’, socially, either. We may not know if you are flirting with us if you are not actually touching us or asking simple, direct questions.
No, in the glasses and pigtails you are just more approachable. If I see a woman dressed to the nines I would probably assume she was dressed for someone other than myself.
Now I wishing there was a picture of you in pigtails and wearing your glasses.
Hee! If “my” geek is a trekkie (or trekker, or whatever), that might actually be a bonus.
I have noticed that. It’s okay, because I don’t do ‘subtle’ very well, either. I can increase the amperage accordingly.
I notice that a lot of you would be afraid that I was playing a joke on you. Does this actually happen in movies without Molly Ringwald in them?
Ha! 16 Candles was the first thing I thought of when I read other saying that. I wouldn’t think it a joke, but I would never dare to presume you’d actually be interested.
In a word…yes.
Now I’m going to go to the corner with my copy of So Long and Thanks For All the Fish and a tumbler of Black Bush and try to forget the painful, adolescent past.
Stranger
{raises hand}
In fact, we could probably start a whole thread about it.
And it was a really unpleasant thing to go through because she wasn’t doing it for her own amusement but for the entire school to enjoy as well.
And even if it didn’t happen you to I bet most geeky guys know another geeky guy that had it happen to him.
In senior public school and grade nine in high school I had such jokes played on me. Afterwards I was so distrustful and burned by the experience that I never had the courage to ask anyone out until university… and even then only in ‘neutral’ settings among mutual friends.
Wow, I didn’t think that it actually happened. This is a hijack (and if you wanted to start another thread about it I’d be interested in hearing), but if you guys don’t mind, when were these experiences? When I was in high school (95 - 99), if any girl did this to a guy at our school they would have been labeled Queen Bitch and probably shunned for a long time. I never thought people were actually as mean as they appear in movies.
I just started a thread on it here. Note that it’s in MPSIMS, not The Pit, 'cause this is supposed to be informational (if pointless), not a therapy session.
Go ahead…cry me a river.
Stranger
I just wanted to add, I was sitting here with my browser open and the active tab on SusanStoHelit’s picture. (hey, I was just working on something else and didn’t close it down. Nothing funny going on here! I had the door open! Move along, move along…these are not the perverts you’re looking for!)
Anyway, another bloke (an engineer…I work at an engineering company) came in and saw it in the background, half covered by the active application. “Wow,” he said. “Who is that? Can you bring that to the front? Cool! Is that your girlfriend? Does she have a sister?” He called in another guy passing by my office to look at it, and next thing you know, I have half a dozen engineers hanging over my shoulder to drool over the picture. “Are there more pictures? Do you know her name? Can you send me her e-mail? Why not? What, do you want money or something?” The even ignored the Sue Foley image I have wallpapered on the desktop in favor of it.
In reflection, it sounds pretty pathetic, and not a little creepy…but I believe the consensus is that you are far from hideous.
Now I just have to clean up all the drool off my desk. Ugh! Next time I’ll close browser windows promptly. Damn nerdy engineers. I’m glad I’m not one. Oh, wait a minute… :o
Stranger