Shy guys! Tell me how you met your SO's

Alright, I’m gonna make this brief. I’m cripplingly shy when it comes to the thought of approaching a girl.

Now, I’m pretty sure that not ever shy guy in the world is single and doomed to be alone for life. I’m assuming that there are some outgoing girls out there who make a point to approach the guy, instead of the other way around.

So this is a call to all the shy guys out there, and also to all the women who are dating shy men. Let me hear your stories to give me some hope.

Hi … from the point of view of a girl who’s dating a shy guy …

I’m personally pretty shy myself and it’s very unusual for me to make the first move … never mind the second, third, fourth … well, you get the idea.

My guy and I work for the same Corporation (but in totally different departments) … I noticed him almost right away, but I assumed he was either ‘involved’, a snob, or just plain ol’ not interested. I was in a relationship at the time anyway, but I always thought he’d be nice to know, even as a friend.

After about three years, I found myself single, and a mutual friend of ours suggested I ask him out … and told me he was really shy but also really nice. I hummed & hawed about it, sent him an email (which he didn’t answer), and finally at the Xmas party I’d had a bit too much to drink and I teased him about not answering. We made a tentative date to go out in the new year.

Things have gone well ever since, although it did take some persistence on my part.

What made me ask him out? The fact that his reputation as a smart, funny, sweet guy outweighed his shyness. And what made me keep asking him out? I started to see for myself what an amazing person he was, and I felt it was worth putting my own heart on the line in order to get to know him.

I guess if you’re looking for any kind of advice … it would be - put the word out there that you’re single & looking to meet more girls - also, if you’re too shy to talk, at least smile and do little things like hold a door open, pull out a chair, corny but VERY under-rated stuff lilke that - and also, if you’re out with your more outgoing guy friends, you may worry about being ‘outshined’, but have faith in the fact that a lot of women are looking for the quiet treasure hidden amongst the flashy fool’s gold.

(Look - I never claimed to be a poet!) …

Hang in there, don’t get down on yourself, don’t give up … she’s out there!

While I am usually fairly shy in person (though dopers usually don’t see that because I’m talkative bordering on obnoxious at fests), I am not so much online.

And that’s where I met my fiancee.


She chased me down, threw me on the bed, and said “You’re mine!”

I married a painfully shy guy. We met at work.

I threw an apple, it hit her in the head… she hit me in the head with a lolipop… it was my 15th birthday… I’m 22 now…

Ok, peeps, I’m ready for the ribbing I’m sure to get…

A dating service. I can be shy (no really) and I’ve also been working odd hours (mostly 4-midnight type shift) so I was sleeping when people are at work, working when people get home and getting home when people are going to bed, so I didn’t get much of a chance to meet anyone. I figured what the hell, my previous two fiancees didn’t work out meeting them the old fashioned way, and I gave a dating service a chance.

Long story short, I’m very happy and I have a feeling this relationship will work out where the last two failed.

Learn how to get over your shyness. Toastmasters is a good organization. This is my theory. Nice guys don’t finish last, it’s just no one remembers when they finish because they’re so ordinary. Now I’m not saying be mean, or a jerk, just learn some skills that set you apart and get you noticed. What happened in Stainz’s case is something all shy guys hope for, but it’s rare. I’m by nature very introverted, but I’m fairly confident as well, which has gotten me in trouble since my head got really puffed up after a while, but it did get me noticed. Also, I knew how to be polite, how to be friendly, and how to talk to people. Granted I had to force myself to, but I realized people want to talk as well, and they feel the same apprehension. This was made clear to me when I was on a skytrain in Vancouver once (I’m a country guy) and I wondered if I could force myself to talk. I then when to the lady sitting down and asked her if she wanted to see a picture of my wife and kids. She did. By the time I got off, everyone saw the picture and were talking together. Wasn’t natural for me, but it was neat to see.

Damn, and for a second I thought someone pittted me in the wrong forum or something.

Get this…

We met in an AOL chatroom.

We were talking over the IM system and she suddenly stopped talking to me. Two hours later, I was just about to sign off when she suddenly started talking to me again. She had lost my window. A couple seconds later and we would have lost each other.

I walked into her gallery looking for art. I found the art. More importantly, I found the girl of my dreams.

First: lived in same house at uni.
Second: Local online dating service

Every (successful) relationship I’ve ever had: made friends with the girl. Found myself attracted. Months of friendship and perplexed wondering followed. Eventually either “it just happened”, or she jumped on me.

Met walking the dogs, she hers, me mine. I was very shy (still am), but after seeing this vision walking in the same field as me, at half-past stupid time each morning, got to make sure that our paths crossed. After a few weeks of “good mornings” I started to make sure we reached a particular ditch at the same time, where upon I had to lend her my hand to cross it, did’nt I! Went from this to walking together, going out together, …the rest is very happy history.:slight_smile:

First GF knocked on my door in the middle of the night saying “I can’t stand it anymore” and threw herself around my neck.

Present GF just took my hand and said “Let’s go to bed”.

Well, I’m assuming that these weren’t random women coming to your door, so how did you meet them?

My fiance is an extremely shy guy. We met online and established a great relationship before we ever met in person. When we did meet, it was great because he wasn’t shy around me then!

In church. We had something in common to talk about, therefore, and there was a social hour after services.

Pressure is what makes me clam up in social occasions. There was none, and things flowed from there.

Together twenty-four years, married twenty-one.


The first was a class mate living next door that I used to do my homework together with. I must admit that I had a severe crush on her but being a shy guy and all that. :wink:

Present is a friend of a friend that introduced us to each other and after that first encounter kept telling her what a swell, kind person I am. I have tried in wain to tell her that I am secretly a serial killer and paedophile but she doesn’t believe me.

My Hokkaido Guy is very, very shy.

I met him at church along with hundreds of new people when I arrived in Japan. Was told his name but forgot it promptly as I was suffering from “weird name overload” at the time. I referred to him in my head as “The Dark Man”, and distinctly remember thinking on being introducted to him “I wouldn’t like to meet him on a dark night.” (He is small, and powerful and square with a monobrow!)

After seeing him once a week for nearly a year, and having very short conversations with him, I gradually began to notice that whenever there was something going on, he was involved, usually on the edges but in some very useful capacity, like driving, taking photographs, or carrying stuff. He never complained (never talked, actually!) but when he did talk, he laughed and was pleasant. Kids and dogs went to him and he was nice with them. He was the first one there and the last one to leave, helping to set up and dismantle whatever we’d been doing. He was very honest.

He was passed over by the Japanese girls because he is short, has a horrible job with low pay and long hours, and he is shy (and not the best looking person in the world, but neither am I.)

They missed an intelligent, sensitive, honourable, sexy FRIEND. And I am eternally grateful that they did.

How did we get together? Having realised just how nice he was, I did a bit of gentle chasing by inviting him to do things with me and just a couple of friends at a time. Had friends in the know invite him to other small group things that I was also invited to. Eventually (it took 5 months!) he invited me on the last bike ride of the year with his mates. None of the “mates” turned up so it was just me and him and a Kawasaki 750 tourer. I spent the whole of that day trying to resist kissing the back of his neck where it stuck out of the helmet. I thought if I did he would certainly crash!

From there we went out together as a pair a few times, and one day we kissed, and he said, “Do you want to get married?” It was not a proposal, more checking whether I was out for a bit of fun before leaving Japan, or if I was serious. I was serious, and here we are ten years and two kids later. And there is not a day goes by when I am not grateful that I have him, despite never seeing him due to his crazy work, and fairly major communication hassles at times due to our differing characters.

So, this long-winded message is to say that if you are an honest, pleasant, untwisted guy, believe me there are women out there who will notice you and snap you up!

Good luck.