How bout you just man up and admit you didn’t know what you were talking about when you made that petty snipe. I’m a woman, you thought I was a guy, and now you look like a fool.
Bolding mine:
LOL. Um, thanks, I think.
I’m gonna ask, why would someone make such a big deal out of texting, she could of just txted him back to call her, takes about 2 minutes. Shakes waited a month.
Shakes, you avoided a bitch, and looking at the advice above, attracted another one. Yeesh.
Because he just didn’t measure up, Ryan! She had to lose that zero and get herself a HERO! I mean, seriously, if a woman tells you to CALL her, that’s what you better do, bucko. No texts, no emails, no messages on the the site you met her through, but a motherfucking call. When a woman graces you with the command to jump you ask “how high and into what mud?”
I wouldn’t think anything of a texted date request. Of course, I probably also wouldn’t see it since I don’t check my phone all that often, but I also wouldn’t see the voicemail all that quickly either.
I’m not a bitch. Far from it. And from what Shakes posted about the woman, I don’t think she is either. Her request was not outlandish.
Different people have different standards and expectations. Certain standards apply to society as a whole, but things like the proper way to ask for a date separates everyone’s personal wheat from the chaff as far as dating and relationships go.
I’m sure there are women who wouldn’t care if they got a text instead of a phone call, but clearly this woman is not one of them (and neither am I). She made her standards and expectations clear in advance, and **Shakes ** made the decision to ignore them. He has every right to ask for a date any way he wants. She has every right to decide what level of effort is acceptable to her. Their expectations are not compatable.
If you were following up on a job interview, would you send a “call me” text to the interviewer or would you put in the effort to pick up the phone or send a nice note? I’m guessing it would be the latter, because the former would take you out of the running. That’s what happened here.
No, but the suggestion that only women who “like men who don’t feel it is necessary to extend any effort” would find a text acceptable is insulting both to Shakes and to anyone who doesn’t share your strong opinion on what’s acceptable.
He made an effort, it just wasn’t the effort this woman valued.
Okay, I haven’t read any of the responses, but here’s my feelings on the subject:
She asked you to call her. You agreed to call her. You didn’t call her. You blew it. She had every right to be annoyed.
If I were in your shoes, and she didn’t respond to the text, I probably would have just pushed through the nerves (or had a beer) and given her a call if I didn’t get a reply within an hour or so.
Also, don’t forget, she may have asked two other guys to call her as well and maybe they did. That automatically put you at the bottom of the list.
I don’t think the woman in question is a bitch or high-maintenance; she seems like a cut-and-dried person who says what she means. She doesn’t sound like someone who plays a lot of bullshit games; I think you could do worse, Shakes, but maybe YOU have to decide if you want to date someone like that.
And people who don’t share your laid back opinion are insulting?
What’s important is that Shakes and the women he asks out are on the same page as far as communication methods and styles, and it’s clear they are not. Texting to ask for a first date is lazy no matter who finds it acceptable, and completely counterproductive if the person you are asking out has made it clear that they want you to call. She put the ball in his court when she said “call me tomorrow”. It became his choice to call or not call. He chose not to call. She has the choice to not date men who feel that that using the spoken word is too much of an effort to put forth when asking someone out on a first date.
If Shakes had put in the effort needed to pick up the phone, dial her number and say “Hi bar lady. I had such a great time talking to you last night and I would love to see you this weekend. Are you available?”, especially after she made her preferred method of communication and dating standards clear to him, this story would have had a different ending for him. He would have gotten a first date and the chance to see if it was going to develop into more. He didn’t “dodge a bullet”, he missed out on an opportunity.
I admit partial fault in this but in my mind, technically, I wasn’t asking her out. I was just checking to see if there was still an interest. Had she indicated to me that she was still interested; I would have called.
Maybe, you don’t know this about men, so let me tell ya’. As a guy, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten a number from a woman at a bar, call her and then she’s all like “Who the F’ are you?” or "Sorry, I’m too busy (or some other excuse) to see you.’ This is another motivating factor I forgot to mention in my OP.
I’m sure other guys out there can back me up on this.
Attempting to arrange dinner plans via SMS is more likely to be infuriatingly annoying than anything else in my experience. Phone calls and in-person interaction allows one to quickly move through a complex set of options like time, location, “niceness” level of restaurant, acceptable types of cuisine, etc. and all of the subtleties of tone of voice, etc. allow you to move through that process quickly. Trying to arrange such a broad set of options through text is a lot more difficult and ultimately time consuming. You should have just called her up and had a simple four minute conversation to set up the date.
Yes, of course that’s happened to all of us, but the difference in this particular instance as you have described it is she specifically asked you flat out to call her. Asking for a number and having a girl write it down and hand it to you then walk away is one thing; being given a number as well as explicit instructions is entirely another.
I agree with you because I am not a fan of the phone, either. I’m not a big fan of texting, but prefer it over talking on the phone. I like email best of all, because as someone wrote above, it gives you the opportunity to think about how to respond and to be able to respond when it’s most convenient. I’ve been dating someone for several months, and our dates are arranged primarily through email. Phone would come second. We text only occasionally, but we talk via email sometimes 10 times throughout the day.
Having said that, I think when a man takes your number and says he will call you, that’s what he should do. Also, men should remember that sometimes the woman’s girlfriends get involved. I have had friends who would say something like, “He asked you out on a date by texting you? Forget him!” Many women have no problem telling other women what to do when it comes to relationships, and sometimes their input has a lot of influence. I’m in my 50s and most of my female friends are between 35 and 60, and many of them are “rules” oriented (not necessarily the book The Rules, but just general dating/respect rules) who would tell another woman not to respond to a first date requested through texting because it shows a lack of respect or the man isn’t working hard enough or whatever. I’m not big on those kinds of rules myself, but lots of women are.
Wow, I absolutely think texting is the way to go on this.
I mean, he met the woman in a bar, and both of them possibly picked up several numbers that night. Texting just seems the natural mode of filtering from there to a first date.
I would be weirded out/annoyed if a guy called after I gave him my number in a bar . . . awkward conversationness with weird pauses ensues.
Actually, I think the most “normal” thing to do, in my experience would be texting something like, “Hey, enjoyed chatting with you last night. Hope (x thing y’all talked about) turned out well/your team wins/you’re not hungover (only if she talked about being hungover)/etc.” Then if she texts back with other small-talky stuff, you ask her out.
Point taken.
As a woman, I can tell you that I have given my number to several men who asked for it (I would never give it if they didn’t ask), in bars and in other situations, hoped they would call, and been disappointed when they didn’t. I’m sure you realize there’s another side to this, but I wanted to confirm it.
Shakes, if she’d liked you enough she would have texted back “call me”.
She was snottier than necessary, but the answer is pretty much what Wilbo says here. You even pretty much said the same thing with what you said in your OP.
A girl doesn’t want to be a “problem that needs to be solved”, she wants you to put some effort into pursuing her, and texting after the first date, or to ask for a second one says “I don’t care enough to put any effort, thought, or MYSELF into this”.
Again, they want the choice to be able to make that decision themselves, not have it decided FOR them by your “easy out”.
Of course. 